DH has been cleansing his face ... with anti-bacterial bathroom wipes.

Wombat87 my DP has done the same thing! We were staying in a hotel and there was a rather loud couple in the room next door, I held out two earplugs for him. He took them and put them in his mouth! He thought I was giving him some sweets. God knows what goes through their heads.

Yes,I've heard that one before.

It was only that night, that she caught a glimpse of her lady parts in her dressing table mirror and realised to her horror that she hasn't spritzed herself earlier with Femfresh deodrant...she'd actually used my golden, glittery hairspray.

whoregasm that one's been around since I was a kid. I think your mum is telling "stories". Femfresh hasn't been about that long, for a start.

Oh my God Achy he was rather lucky then!

My dad had a sore throat once so decided to gargle. He didn't have any TCP so decided that Dettol was much the same. So twice a day for a week he gargled with neat Dettol
Couldn't work out why his sore throat was getting worse not better.
When he couldn't even talk let alone swallow he went to the doctor. She examined him and was surprised to see the state of his throat, it was red, swollen & in a terrible state. She finally asked him if he'd taken any treatment at home. He proudly told her he'd been gargling Dettol. Apparently she turned white & just stared at him.
She said another day or so of Dettol would've damaged his throat irreparably.
He had about 6 weeks of being unable to talk properly or eat hard foods. And even now, a couple of years later, still gets sore throats a lot.
Silly silly man.

I am loving this....

I remember my dad always used to shave his head short but not completely bald.

I was downstairs on the computer and my mum shouted me upstairs and hissed "for gods sake don't laugh"

My dad had forgotten to put the guard on his razor and had shaved bald a stripe down the middle of his head. In his panic, he shouted my mum who in turned shouted me.

I nearly wet myself laughing it was hilarious. My mum started laughing and had to leave the room. My dad was like this . He was one of those who could dish it out but not take it back..

He ended up shaving it totally bald and was laughed at for weeks. I still laugh now thinking of it

At least he'll not smell of wee Spider

I bought a massive bottle of some brilliant new pet-safe disinfectant for getting rid of the smell of dog wee in the garden and decanted some into a small bottle for my friend to try. Before anyone shouts, it was an empty washing-up liquid bottle, not an old water or squash bottle or anything daft like that, but it didn't stop her DH finding it in the car that evening and taking a swig of it!

Me too, Gastons!

This thread is brill but I lost it at smelt of beef

"Men- do you want skin that is smooth, clean and it totally free of limescale? Use Harpic facial wash"

Excellent work ChristmasCabbages's DP

I once wondered why my hair was so lank and greasy when I got out of the shower; turned out I'd used after sun instead of conditioner so maybe it isn't limited to men.

Nomination for classics.....

I went for a spray tan recently and only wore those paper knicker things while getting it done. It was only several hours after I'd got home and breastfed ds that I realised I should have kept my bra on. Poor ds had a brown chin and cheeks

This thread has cheered me up no end. Quite a feat as I'm back to work after the long summer (Au) school holidays tomorrow.

There's a story my DH told me about a man chopping chillies and then going for a pee. I'll ask him when he wakes up from his nanna nap.

Only read the OP, laughed my ass off and then read it to H.

He said that if your bathroom wipes are the same as ours, large and thick and stinking of Harpic, and your facial wipes are the same as ours, small soft and smelling of nothing much at all and he didnt notice the difference then he is a dick who deserves a bright red sore face :o

I once sprayed the cat with furniture polish instead of flea spray. He had a lovely shiny coat for weeks

My Dad once woke the whole house up in the middle of the night with his screams.

My Mum had a sore back and the tops of her legs were hurting and my Dad was the one who put the deepheat on for her.Poor dozey old sod must have forgot when he turned to cuddle my Mum in the middle of the night.Queue my Father running down the stairs in the middle of the night screaming about his balls being on fire ThankGod I didn't seem him,my brothers did and both said they wanted to bleach they're eyeballs out.

And that wasn't the last time,another time he stuck immac on his leg thinking it was muscle rub.He wasn't impressed when he couldn't rub the cream in properly,he was even less impressed when I realized what he'd done and told him,he had a hand shape of hair missing on his leg for ages.I didn't laugh

Mine did exactly the same and ended up growing a beard because his face became so sore he could not shave. It was then I discovered he was using anti-bacterial bathroom wipes.Had been using them to wipe his backside as well. That was also sore! Had to put sudocream in that- he did, not me!

I was 18, at uni and had my first real proper boyfriend. He was in my room and for some drunken reason I decided to give him a manicure and put red nail varnish on him.

The next morning I woke up to find him scrubbing his hand wailing that it wouldn't wash off and I just told him to use more soap. A whole bottle of handwash later he still Scarlett red nails... hmmmm, I said, maybe your nails have absorbed the colour or it may be an allergic reaction...

When we met up after my lectures he was NOT HAPPY. He'd convinced himself that it was his body reacting weirdly and he'd gone for an emergency appointment at the GP. The GP was apparently rather amused and had kindly suggested that a lovely product called nail varnish remover might work...

Oh, and fucking DH told all our friends that I'd got some really lovely shower gel called Femfresh, and they should try it.
It's called Fenjal. Bloody idiot.
I was mortified.

I am dying reading this.
I am in bed with DH. He is getting a bit pissed off because 'it's like trying to sleep on a rollercoaster!'

When my lovely Mum had two of my DDs for a sleepover, she decided to make it fun by buying them fancy new toothbrushes, and letting them use the nice new pink toothpaste. They were 8 and 3.
The fucking new toothpaste was a sample of shampoo! Cue confused kids, with mouths full of floral scented bubbles.
They are still alive, 5 years later!

Amazing.

My first thought was the fat balls. That one nearly killed me!

We had loads of avios points and flew first class somewhere once. Mr W got pretty drunk whilst everyone was asleep and lost an earbud down the seat (I could create a whole hilarious thread on that and include pictures of a giant drunk man who consumed his weight in vodka...but yes) from his headphones. Having purchased some shiny new expensive ones at the airport I had spare ones in my hand luggage so gave him those to keep him happy.

He opened the packet. He took one out. Popped it in his mouth. Chewed. Swallowed the fucker. In his drunken state he though I was giving him haribo. I confess to absolutely dying with laughter. I was no help whatsoever. I'm so sorry if you were our airhostess on that flight.

He thought it was a big sweet
Absolutely lost it at that!