DH has been cleansing his face ... with anti-bacterial bathroom wipes.

This is hilarious Thankfully my last case of mistaken identity wasn't so bad - a little while ago I realised I'd been using vanish upholstery cleaner instead of stain remover spray on the washing. I did it for nearly a week until I saw the empty stain remover bottle in the recycling bin, and went to check what on earth I'd been putting on the clothes. It worked, though!

My DH has done the lipbalm/lipstick thing with my tinted balm (while not as dramatic as lipstick, he was rather pink around the lips for a while...)

Well, in the interest of gender balance, my teenage self once sprayed my backcombed hair (it was the 80s) with suede shoe spray instead of hair spray. On the plus side, it gave AMAZING lift and hold. I carried on using it for a few weeks until someone made a comment about the strange smell of my hair

I bought a Lush shampoo bar - the solid shampoo stuff that you just give a quick rub on your hair.
DH then came out of the bathroom to tell me that "that new soap doesn't go far does it, I've nearly used it all". He'd done his whole body in it.

Berk.

mine does things like this ALL THE TIME
he once turned gradually orange over the course of a week, as he was using some fake tan instead of sun cream ( he is a very strawberry and cream coloured english man and uses sun cream from march to october)
he cleans absolutely everything with baby wipes, but so far no sign of using anti-bac wipes for his face.... shouldn't take long to happen
he has rosacea and sometimes uses some light foundation to hide it on his nose. Only he never wears his glasses when applying it, and also never scrubs the skin on his nose ( I told him it might help ) so he has this raspberry, covered in make up, stuck in the creases of flaky dry skin, in the middle of his face....
life wouldn't be as funny if he wasn't like this

Oh and another one from my fella, which I first heard years ago and still makes me laugh til I cry.
When he was small, mushy peas came in a packet with a tablet of bicarb of soda. His eyes lit up when he found what he thought was an extra strong mint.
His joy turned to dismay when he begun to froth at the mouth, and to add insult to injury his mum - far from sympathetic - chased him round the kitchen trying to wallop him while he wailed and let out great big man sized "BAROO!" burps.

Watto1 DH once informed me that we had run out of wipes and he needed some urgently. I told him to use the bottle of Cillit Bang and a J cloth instead. Next thing I know, he is changing DS's nappy, armed with the Cillit Bang and a J cloth! He meant baby wipes.

Genuinely crying tears of laughter trying not to disturb my feeding baby!

The fact he didn't question your suggested replacement is hilarious!

My MIL wiped my DD 2.11 year olds bottom with an antibacterial surface wipe from the window sill rather than the smaller toilet wipes pack on the top of the sodding cistern!!! You have to move the packet to press the flush!!! We had to put Bepanthen on her bottom for the first time she was out of nappies. Bepanthen might do the trick on your DH's face OP?

I've just been sharing this thread with the fella. He told me about the time his dad had a go at his mum for buying horrible luncheon meat. He'd made a sandwich of it, eaten it and then complained, to which she replied "what luncheon meat?" "It was in the fridge" he shouted "it was DISGUSTING, never buy it again!"
"I didn't buy it in the first place" she shouted back. "What did it look like?"
He'd eaten a Webbox cat food chub, with a picture of a cat on it.

Yay for classics.

She looked like this minus the moustache

I've just thought of one myself.

When I was in my teens, my mum had got ready in the morning and applied moisturiser to her face, neck and décolletage the same way she did every morning and I'd seen her do for many years. She usually buys the expensive creams but had run out and opened a set that my godmother have given her for her birthday or something.

Over the course of the day, she kept complaining about how hot she felt. She's a lady of a certain age and I took no notice, thinking it was her hot flushes as usual.

She kept on and on about how hot she felt and that the sweat was pouring out of but I kept on ignoring. Then when I finally looked at her properly I could see that she really was very very red. It looked like she'd been sunburnt. Her skin was so sore.

I asked her wtf she'd done to herself and she said "nothing that I don't do every day." so I sent her off to get the bottle.

It was moisturising shower cream, and she had ladled it onto her and left it sitting on her skin some 6 odd hours.

Twat.

I had a clear out of old toiletries a while ago. The OH, horrified at the waste went through it and said he would use up some of it. He's now moisturising his face with a 6 year old tube of nipple cream.

Someone gave me a matching set of shower cream and body lotion.
I decided to smooth some on the lotion on my arms and legs before going to bed.
It didn't seem to rub in very well, but it was the first time I used anything labelled Cocoa Butter so I thought it was meant to be thick.

It was still sitting on my skin when I woke up....covered in Shower cream

millions it sounds like your foof has put up with a lot over the years!

To add to the "it's not just men" posters, I once mistook my small white tube of astringent acne cream for a tube of canestan. Christ on a bike that hurt.

But not as much as the time DH decided he wanted to grow some scotch bonnet chillies, so spent an afternoon deseeding a load of them. Without wearing gloves. It took me a few seconds to realise what was causing the nasty burning sensation during an amorous moment later that evening

*now I know, even.

I always wondered why those little sachets of silica gel have 'do not eat' printed on them.

Who, I thought, would be fucking stupid enough to find a small pouch of an unknown substance and decide the best thing to do with it would be to eat it?

Well, thanks to this thread, know I know.

My dad moaned about the jerky I'd bought. It was locust bean treats for the Guinea pig. The main bag had split so I popped that and its contents into a food bag. He apparently didn't read it...

To be fair, when I stayed with my parents recently and forgot to take my toiletries with me, I borrowed my mum's deodorant and wondered why the hell my armpits were crackling.

Turns out it was some kind of Ice Crackle Foot Spray. Not pleasant in your armpits. I wouldn't recommend it.

Er...you know Avon Skin So Soft? Best insect repellent on the planet? It comes in standard and gradual tan. I know this now. I also know that trying to bleach it out with a paste made from Vanish really fucking hurts.

runs away

DH once used my Veet hair removal cream to shave with.

Bright red sore face for days. Kept muttering about it being the same thing as shaving cream and how was he to know. Possibly because of the bloody warning not to shave with it printed on the can.

He also once ate a packet of dog chocolates and complained afterwards that I should stop buying pick and mix from cheap shops.

A short and confused conversation followed, ending with me pointing out that the 'pick and mix' came from the pet shop and had pictures of paw prints stamped into the chocolate.

I'm not sure who was more fed up, DH or the dog.

When I was a pre-teen, my Mum explained to me that there were pads in the bathroom cupboard that ladies can put in their knickers when they have periods!
Mumsnet, Brillo pads are not suitable sanitary wear!!

Who posted about gold glitter hairspray on someones foof last night? Who?? I woke MrW up last night laughing at that one.

That got me as much the lady who posed her tiny baby on another thread haaahaaaa

Dance I have honestly never laughed so much as that gem. It still makes me howl now when we relive it. He swallowed them too. In his drunk state he didn't realise. He then didn't remember it at all. He only believed me because I was laughing so hard.

He spent a few days checking his bowel movements. No sign of them. Hopefully they came out