DH has been cleansing his face ... with anti-bacterial bathroom wipes.

I can beat your husband...

Picture just giving birth. Popping to the hospital loo and using baby wipes.... That weren't baby wipes

Once you've uncrossed your legs..... You can laugh! It was 13 years ago!

My dad ate a face mask once. About 10 years ago Lush used to use thin clear plastic pots for their face masks and I had a chocolate one in the fridge. Next morning he told me he'd eaten my chocolate mousse but it was crap anyway. That's probably because the main ingredient was rhassol mud. Thinking about it, lush also used to put their buttercream body butters in what looked like cake boxes, so I bet lots of the chocolate and lemon ones have been eaten by mistake.

This reminds me of s time when I asked an ex to pop to ASDA for me, gave him a shopping list and one of the items was toilet roll.

Anyway, when I unpacked the shopping there was no toilet roll and instead there was a bumper pack of kitchen roll. I asked him why he'd gotten that instead of toilet roll and he told be that he'd seen the slogan "Clean and Wipe" across the front of the packaging and had assumed it was toilet roll

Men!!

when my parents visited they bought floor polishing cloths thinking they were bum wipes for the baby. We did have to laugh at how shiny her bum must be. There was also a picture of a lovely shiny floor on the front so not sure how they got confused. Luckily she didn't have a bad reaction though.

This is an embarrassing one for DH proving that men will do just about anything.

A while back pre children etc, DH used to do some of a certain white powdery substance on occasions like Christmas etc . Well this particular time we had had a few friends round etc, drinks had been spilled on cream carpet etc so it looked really grubby. So I got some of that Vanish large area powder carpet cleaner and did the whole of the floor. DH got back from work and changed etc while I did tea. When he came down he complained that the white powder he'd found (which he thought was stuff he'd dropped) had stung his nose. He couldn't work out why I practically p**d myself laughing. I wouldn't mind but I'd actually told him I'd cleaned the carpet. Still at least his nose was very clean and fresh...

He does have form for daft stuff. He told everyone at his work he was constipated once, because in his native language the word for blocked nose is constipado, he told me wondered why they were looking at him very seriously.

He has given many such moments of entertainment over the years...

I was changing the pad of a bedbound patient and reached for the aqueous cream to spread on his bum.
I realised just in time that I'd picked up his toothpaste.
Brings a whole new meaning to the phrase "Ring of confidence"

We just got a cleaner, and after her first visit last week I found she had left the toddler toilet wipe packet empty, obviously ready for replacement. So she had obviously done the opposite and cleaned the toilet with the toddler wipes instead of the loo cleaning wipes! I imagine it did a perfectly ok job, and the toilet smelt pleasantly of apples.

In a sleep addled state the other Monday morning I used dry shampoo instead of deodourant.....

And have gone to work with different shoes on before. One black. One brown.

Dh has eaten my moisturiser before too. Grapefruit flavour. Smelled nice said non toxic so tried it.

Dh thought one of those harpic loo brush things with the replaceable spongey head was a brush for his back in the shower. He used it for a week before I realised

Crying over that, Forever. Did you enlighten him or just quietly remove it?

Dh thought one of those harpic loo brush things with the replaceable spongey head was a brush for his back in the shower. He used it for a week before I realised.

I used air freshener instead of deodorant a couple of weeks ago. I was linen fresh all day!

My DH told me my nail polish remover was rubbish as he'd spent an hour trying to get DD's nail polish off. He was using toner.

He also used my gradual tan and couldn't understand why he looked jaundiced - but only in patches.

He has also brushed his teeth with the 'cleaning toothbrush' that I keep in the cleaning cupboard next to the sink. I didn't tell him that I often scrub the plug holes with it. It just felt cruel.

I remembered another one:
I used to work at an Engineering company. There were loads of us in an open plan office doing marketing and logistics. Most of us were young, silly and bored.

I opened a box, and discovered a load of those plastic-type packing materials. They look like Wotsits, but grey/beige coloured.
I grabbed a few and coloured them in with orange highlighter pen. They looked perfectly like Wotsits.

I wandered over to a friend's desk to show him my hilarious creation. Let's call him Fred.
Fred was getting coffee, so I deposited them by his keyboard, told his (dull) coworker to say they were from me, and went to the loo.

I came back, and Fred was sat there looking confused. There was only one left. I asked what he had done with them, and he said 'I ate one, and it tasted shit'.
I collapsed in tears, and gradually managed to explain what they were. The silly twat had eaten the others, bar one, whilst describing the weird taste to 'dull coworker'.

He went to the toilet and put his fingers down his throat to eradicate any toxins.

I understand maybe eating one, but continuing to eat the damned things?????

Oh my god! This is the funniest thing I've heard in weeks

DH once used my Veet hair removal cream to shave with.

A friend of mine was a Goth type and deliberately used Immac on his face as he had quite heavy stubble which came through his make up no matter how much he applied so he needed to shave twice a day to keep it in check. He reckoned the "Don't use this product on your face!" warning was just scare tactics and used it anyways.

He tried to brazen it out claiming that the red blotches we'd pointed out weren't that bad really and we'd all look stupid when it worked and he'd not have to shave ever again. A week later, he finally admitted defeat after the blotches got worse and the skin irritation became unbearable.

A former housemate once spooned a load of cooking fat into his mouth thinking it was marzipan. He complained about the complete lack of almond flavour and "Greasy taste". He refused to back down when we asked him why anyone would leave marzipan sitting in a chipped mug, minus the handle, next to the cooker. It was the perfect place and receptacle for marzipan apparently so how was he to know?

Hippy

I had two bright pink slimy patches under my nose

I was at work and I'd had a bit of a cold. The skin under my nose was getting sore from constantly blowing my nose so I took the little tin of lip balm I keep in my pocket and applied some under my nose. It was only after I'd walked through the whole of the busy department I work in that my colleague pointed out that it was in fact tinted lip balm. I had two bright pink slimy patches under my nose.

kryptonite Surely the whole point of bathroom cleaning wipes is to keep them in the bathroom.

Oh dear! Although (sorry, not read the entire thread so apologies if this has already been said) - but WTF were bathroom cleaning wipes doing in the bathroom cupboard in the first place? Surely that's a recipe for disaster if kept with normal face cleansing stuff?!
All cleaning wipes for surfaces here are kept under the kitchen sink in the cupboard along with the bleach and furniture polish type stuff!

Many years ago before we used the back of the neck stuff we used to use for spray on the cats.
One day DH pinned one down and thoroughly sprayed her ( long haired so needed extra). He comments that the " new" flea spray smelt a bit different and when I checked he had used " pet behave" spray designed to keep the cat away from the sofa she had been scratching - so we actually had a self repelling cat!!!!

Scotch bonnet peppers should be banned.

My sister had cooked a curry and there was some left in the fridge. She told me to help myself.
It was really nice curry until I got to the bit which looked like a cooked cherry tomato. I put it in my mouth, expecting lovely slightly spicy tomato flavour, started to chew and then the burning hit me. I spat it out, drank about a gallon of milk and then retired to bed with a horrible stomach ache.
And God did I suffer the next day.

Bought xmassy scented air freshener in October/November and when I came to use it in December there was hardly any left. I asked but nobody had used it so wasn't sure what had happened to it. Next day dad asks where the furniture polish was, turns out he had been using it as polish since it was bought!

Luckily not dangerous like some of the previous ones, but still gets teased about it many years later

My mum and her partner were on holiday in Cyprus (I think). They'd had an argument about something so weren't talking for a day.

They have separate sun creams (my mum tans well and doesn't burn, so factor 20, her partner is milk white so factor 50 or whatever). Anyway, they were laying next to eachother on their sun beds reading all day. At about 4pm mum's partner taps her and says "this sun cream is crap, it's really sticky" my mum is confused and looks at it - she'd been putting some kind of hair gel that squirts out like the oily sun cream stuff ALL DAY.

My mum just say that there shaking with laughter and then her partner said "I thought it felt weird when I ran my hands through my hair"

My mum was crying with laughter when she told us

She was ok, bit burnt, but after sun sorted it