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Original poster

To feel slightly put out by DH's lovely surprise?

520 replies

GinIsABreakfastFood · 24/12/2015 07:41

Ok, firstly I want to clarify I did not look for my present on purpose! Xmas Blush

Basically DH and I agreed that we would only do tiny token presents this year so that we can have a mega holiday later on. We agreed a set limit, which I found a huge struggle as I bloody love giving presents and spoiling people, and have spent the past few months trying frantically to pick up lovely, thoughtful little bits and pieces within the £20 limit.

Was feeling quite pleased with myself until.... Was packing to leave for family for Christmas and noticed his smart work coat which he won't need was a bit grubby so thought I'd leave it with the dry cleaners so it's fresh for next year, and found a mega expensive piece of beautiful jewellery hidden in the pocket.

DSis has helpfully pointed out that this happens in Love Actually and it turns out the husband has bought the gift for his mistress.... Hmm

Pretty sure it is for me, thanks, Dsis, and it's lovely, but soooo not what we agreed.

We have got to leave in the next 20 mins to drive to remote Scotland for massive family Christmas so no time to get him anything else to even the balance. Which means that when we open presents in Christmas morning, in front of about 30 people, I will get Tiffany diamond earrings, and he will get socks and a robot bath bomb. AIBU to feel absolutely mortified, a bit cross, and completely love my darling DH for the beautiful surprise, but also a bit want to kill him?!

Should I just buy £500 worth of petrol station tat at at the services on the way there?! Pretend I forgot his main present at home and lie about what it is?!

HELP!!

OP posts:
Bakeoffcake · 24/12/2015 09:15

I can't believe you untied the boxShock he will 100% know it's been opened.

My dh has form for doing this, I just smile and enjoy it.Xmas Grin

Debbriana1 · 24/12/2015 09:14

Why are people telling you to buy something. Just let it be. Its amazing he bought you something like that but it's not your fault. I would assume right now you have bigger things to worry about.

Blueandwhitelover · 24/12/2015 09:13

HaS he actually taken the coat? (place marking)

Theonlyoneiknow · 24/12/2015 09:11

Me too!

is also shamelessly placemarking

MackerelOfFact · 24/12/2015 09:10

You've stuck to the agreement. When you open them, say something like "well it looks like I need an occasion to wear these - how about I take you to (favourite restaurant) as a treat in the new year to say thank you?"

Mince314withIcecream · 24/12/2015 09:08
Brew

I'll find time to check back tomorrow.

The first thing I thought of was Love Actually.

BrieAndChilli · 24/12/2015 09:07

If it was in a coat he's bit taking with him then unthinkable it's likely they aren't for you or do you have a birthday or anniversary coming up that he might give them to you for instead? With 20 minutes to go any presents would be packed in the bags surely?

Fooshufflewickbannanapants · 24/12/2015 09:06

I would actually be quite cross as it isn't in the spirit of what you've agreed. ..am I weird?

I hope you actually get the gift!

Lweji · 24/12/2015 09:06

If I had stuck to a budget and partner didn't, and particularly if he kept going over it, I'd be tempted to make him return the present and get a less expensive one.

Headmelt · 24/12/2015 09:02

Either you were watching "Love Actually" or this is a stealth boast. Why not open your gifts in private and save your blushes

Noteventhebestdrummer · 24/12/2015 08:58

Maybe he wants to wear it himself? Is he into dressing up?

WhatamessIgotinto · 24/12/2015 08:58

Well I think blah blah... I don't have a clue but I am also shamelessly place marking.

redgoat · 24/12/2015 08:57

I'm actually with BalloonSlayer. My DH does this to me every year and it actually really pisses me off. His argument is that is the one time of year he can spoil me but it actually makes me feel miserly and shit as I always try and stick to the budget especially as we can rarely afford what he spends. I end up spending more and thus a cycle of resentment starts.

This year, we're saving to pay off debts and emigrate and he bought me an expensive advent calendar. It's one that I have wisted after for years but tbh, I'd rather he'd have whacked £150 on the credit card.

Don't buy him anything else OP, especially if you can't really afford it. X

elf0508 · 24/12/2015 08:55

Waiting for tomorrow Wine

Bearbehind · 24/12/2015 08:53

Your sister might have a point- has he packed them for your trip?

toastyarmadillo · 24/12/2015 08:53

Waiting for chrimbo morning with my popcorn ⛄

KoalaDownUnder · 24/12/2015 08:50

Yes, he will know.

I think it was weird of you to open the box, tbh.

steppedonlego · 24/12/2015 08:49

is also shamelessly placemarking

RedToothBrush · 24/12/2015 08:48

What would you have done if you hadn't found the gift?

If you agreed token gifts and then suddenly given him something big then he'll know you've found it early...

Do nothing.

Salene · 24/12/2015 08:45

Ha ha also shamelessly place marking hoping he gives them to the OP

That's would be a right fucker if he doesn't

Sameshitdiffname · 24/12/2015 08:42

I'm confused I probably missed it but how do you know it was £500 did you go searching to see what it cost?

Lweji · 24/12/2015 08:40

He could just as lazily walked in a shop and bought some cheap necklace or earings or bracelet.

I wouldn't necessarily assume it was a lazy gift.

AliceInUnderpants · 24/12/2015 08:37

shamelessly placemarking

Pipbin · 24/12/2015 08:37

I agree with Mamma, be gracious and smile, spoil him on his birthday.

To a degree it depends on how your household finances works. If you pool all your money then I would be pissed off as it was joint money that was being spent.
However if you keep your money separate then he has made the choice to save.

BalloonSlayer · 24/12/2015 08:37

Sorry to be the one negative voice, but the clue is here:

[I] have spent the past few months trying frantically to pick up lovely, thoughtful little bits and pieces within the £20 limit.

You see, HE hasn't spent any time at all trying to find you something nice for under £20. He's left it till the last minute, panicked, and thinks that if he buys you something really expensive it'll be OK. (People always overspend if they leave it to the last minute.)

So basically he has blown £500 of your holiday budget on something you don't need, AND which will make you feel bad/look mean, PLUS he has broken your agreement - all because he was too lazy to put any time and effort to do what you agreed and find you something for £20 or less. And if you raise this - especially as you will be exchanging presents in front of others - you will look like an ungrateful cow and he like the wonderful husband who was trying to give his wife a beautiful present and does she appreciate it? . . . etc. Although I don't think he's thought of it like that, I expect it was all kindly - though lazily - meant.

If you don't like that view, then how about: "How romantic! Enjoy the surprise!"