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Original poster

is this the worst and most self-absorbed piece of journalism ever written? (most amusing)

453 replies

whensantagotstuckupAITCHimney · 13/12/2006 23:12

Without a word of a lie, this was printed in The Evening Standard the other day after the tornado. A friend of mine has picked it up and thinks it's worth celebrating in all its pompous, un-self-aware, London meeja whore bourgeois pig awfulness. it's not a piss-take. really it isn't.

"My tornado hell. This is to celebrate and remember the excellent article by freelance writer Caroline Phillips from the Evening Standard. When it was printed is irrelevant, the point is to keep it alive forever, long after the last landfill has rotted away, we are all dust, and your children's children's children may revel in the words contained herein." here

OP posts:
SantaGotStuckUpTheGreensleeve · 14/12/2006 13:31

Steady on , Dracula, didn't anyone tell you - only UnquietDad is allowed to make snidey sexist digs

belgo · 14/12/2006 13:30

DingDongDraculaOnHigh - pmsl

DingDongDraculaOnHigh · 14/12/2006 13:29

oh yes

blokes would have been

Fuck me I was in the shed when a bloody great tornado ripped the roof off.

Sharon from next door (her with the great tits) screamed so I comforted her while managing a sneak down her t-shirt

Then I though sod this and went to the pub for a few nerve-steadying pints. By the time I got home the wife had everything in hand, dinner on the table. Not such a bad day really.

DesperatelyUpset · 14/12/2006 13:29

They must have just been so thrilled to get an eyewitness view of the event from one of their usual journos.

Shame they didn't proof read it, but there you go.

ruty · 14/12/2006 13:29

comparing her plight to both the holocaust and apartheid makes me think it has to be a spoof. no one could be that far up their arse, could they?

KathyMCMLXXII · 14/12/2006 13:28

"Don't you think that the fact that she needs to name drop and everything else shows how desperately insecure she is deep down?"

Or was it just
"A need to be recognised when I'd almost been no longer."

Bet she was v proud of that immensely stylish sentence.

Can't get over 'I screamed with grief in the loo.'

SantaGotStuckUpTheGreensleeve · 14/12/2006 13:26

No, UnquietDad, a bloke would have written an entirely different pile of shit

greenday · 14/12/2006 13:25

DDDracula - lol! you're right, I never cared for Evening Standard anyway. Shame on the editor for allowing such crappy piece of journalism.

EniDeepMidwinter · 14/12/2006 13:24

clementines vomited across the floor

I cant believe I was too chicken shit to write articles

clearly they will pay for any old shite these days

UnquietDad · 14/12/2006 13:23

bet she looks like this

Admit it, ladies - for all our faults, a bloke could never, EVER, have written this pile of shit.

DingDongDraculaOnHigh · 14/12/2006 13:23

poor Beryl

I bet she used to work in the local supermarket, she was salt of the earth
then all these cnuts moved into her street, real people moved out and she's stuck with them

wrappingpaperBOwZZAndribbons · 14/12/2006 13:23

Or maybe DH's moniker should be prefixed with "former" because they have been there for years.

KathyMCMLXXII · 14/12/2006 13:23

My house is full of shelves with visible brackets - I'm so ashamed.

I trust her 11 year old is suitably embarrassed by the claim that her favourite toy is a pink fluffy rabbit.

DingDongDraculaOnHigh · 14/12/2006 13:22

when I am king she will be first against the wall
with her opinions which are of no consequence at all..

(ok queen)

CambridgeeducatedGizmo · 14/12/2006 13:22

Do you think I can live on Caroline's street now? Maybe in Beryls old loft kitchen?

And Fennel, please put me out of my misery re snake leashed draining boards

wrappingpaperBOwZZAndribbons · 14/12/2006 13:22

My DH put up our floaters with his own fair hand. And a few curses. Well I can't actually remember but since he has never been known to do any DIY without serial swearing it is a reasonable assumption.

So he can henceforth be known as Floating-Shelf-iInstalling-Bozza's-DH.

EniDeepMidwinter · 14/12/2006 13:21

its just so....shaming

the bit about Ciprianis made me snort coffee through my nose

DesperatelyUpset · 14/12/2006 13:20

Don't you think that the fact that she needs to name drop and everything else shows how desperately insecure she is deep down?

I can't see anywhere that she has actually been nasty to anyone else. If she were to read this thread, she would be gutted I suspect.

ruty · 14/12/2006 13:18

it has got to be a spoof. If it isn't the woman needs to have her possessions confiscated and sent to work at the nearest chain gang. A pitiful excuse for a human being. I'm with you moondog on the revolution.

DingDongDraculaOnHigh · 14/12/2006 13:18

yes
our recording-studio owning record-producer neighbour Digby put some up last week in his house they look lovely.

EniDeepMidwinter · 14/12/2006 13:18

THAT IS THE FUNNIEST THING i HAVE EVER EVER READ

am emailing it to about a million people

I really hope she is stinkingly embarrassed

Original poster
whensantagotstuckupAITCHimney · 14/12/2006 13:17

IKEA!!!??

Begone, pleb.

OP posts:
bundle · 14/12/2006 13:17

bump for latecomers like me

DeckthehallsLaDiDaDi · 14/12/2006 13:16

A floating shelf is one where you can't see any brackets.

I have a lovely one from Ikea .

Original poster
whensantagotstuckupAITCHimney · 14/12/2006 13:15

i liked the apartheid thing too, NQC... i'm pretty sure that when the townships were torched they dispossessed blacks were put up in the Soweto Hilton for the night. that, and the thought of the insurance assessor pausing briefly to admire her polished plaster as he packed them off to Claridges... unbelievable.

OP posts:
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