things I didn't know I found annoying until I had children.

I admit upfront to asking the following out of total ignorance and you will probably mock me but is all this clinging, not being able to shower or go to the loo a recent thing do you think?

I was born in the middle of the last century and although my memory goes pretty far back, I have no recollection of hanging off my mother and I know I NEVER saw her in the bathroom. All babies were bundled up and put in a pram, rocked off to sleep and left in the garden while our mothers got on with their lives.

As we got older both of my parents played with my sister and I or took us out but mostly we were expected to amuse ourselves and we got on with it. I've read threads on here from mothers pulling their hair out because they've run out of ideas how to amuse their children 24/7 - when do the children learn to be independent and use their imagination?. Not forgetting that back then there was one tv channel on a 7 inch black and white tv, a wireless, no computers, x-boxes, dvds, mobiles, ipads etc.

Oh and for older babies/toddlers there was a play pen in the corner of the room where they could see what was going on but not get in any danger. I'm guessing mothers these days would think that akin to putting them in a prison.

The touching as well I understand. I can't sit for five minutes without my son climbing on me and then a few seconds later he is shifting again and i get tiny elbows digging in my chest

Whinging drives me barmy.

It use to annoy me previously but omg when I am stuck in all day with my toddler and he is having a whinges day....

Then tipping a full box of toys out just because.... Argh!!! Wouldn't mind if he played with them. But most of the time he thinks he is funny and then has an absolute tantrum in the middle of helping me pick them up.

Oh I quite often name change and don't tell them my new name.
Why don't I have children content with one story,song.why do they whine non stop when it's over.Why can't they be like the children off the ads.Sitting and smiling lovingly,rather than taking lumPs out of each other

Touching! oh dear god the touching!! Toddler is grabby and touchy and has a thing about warming her ice cold alien feet on whatever flesh she can find. Baby is still breast feeding. By the time DH gets home and makes the mistake of trying to get in on the action I have to start locking myself in the bathroom while toddler bangs on the door and DH stands there with a wailing baby just for a few minutes without contact, I'm away with friends this weekend and none of them understand how excited I am to be able to go three whole days without being intentionally touched. I am counting down the hours!!

Bloody hell hellonicetomeetyou I'd have to kill him.

The worst we got was a cat piano which makes discordant cat shrieks or sings songs about cats in a whining American faux-child voice. I am horribly ungrateful and the worst person on earth for hiding the thing on top of a wardrobe with its batteries ripped out. I got full on retired teacher reprimanded for that, for indeed I am a small, slightly stupid child who needs shown the error of my ways.

I have stated that it moves to their house (surprisingly unwelcome), stays where it is whilst remaining entirely silent, or I launch it over the back hedge into the sheep field and leave it to its fate.

I do not buy loud things for other people's children, apart from for the child of a friend who bought DS a selection of percussion stuff for his birthday. I have lain in wait, and this Christmas will present said friend's PFB with a selection of beautifully wrapped Kazoos.

Just like the OP, I didn't realise how noise sensitive I am until I had weans.

I bloody love you all for this ace thread.

Human climbing frame (2 toddler boys = 4 sharp elbows and LOTS of bruises). That and getting them to eat tea. ARGH the never ending negotiations and threats to just eat your tea.

And standing on Lego.

That thing that 2 yo do when they automatically say no when they mean yes and then get pissed off with you when you assume they mean no when they say no.

I thought it was just mine.
Do you want juice?
No!
Mum puts juice away - 'Waaaahhhh!!! Juice!!!'

Yes to touching. I have a BF baby and a toddler. In the evening, when they're both in bed and I want to simply relax on the sofa, DH comes and wants to cuddle. No, just no.

Toddler volume control, stuck on HIGH.

YY to most of the comments, it can be really intense when they're little. Every sensory aspect of it seems especially magnified.

On the plus side, now that they're older, when I walk back to school to pick up the DC I'm really thrilled to see them

Whinging, so much bloody whinging

When my older 2 were at the peak of the 'mummy' repetition phase and I had a newborn to contend with I got so sick of being 'mummy' that for a while I changed my name to Percival. DS was 3 and couldn't quite say it so for a few weeks I was 'percimal'. It made a lovely change!

Mummy? Yes? Mummy? Yesss? Mummy, you know sometimes in winter when it's cold? (Waits)... Yes? Remember last winter when it was cold? Hmmm? Last winter. ..10 attempts later: WHAT DO YOU WANT, dammit? Can I have a hot chocolate please?

Littlegreyauditor DPIL bring a new toy every week -yes every single week - for DS2, and all of them involve buttons/noise. Even books have noises.

And get this.... Every now and again DFIL comes with his little screwdrivers and big box of every type of battery and replaces those which have run out. Which is really sweet of course but arggh!

Oh and the squeals. The ones which only small to medium sized girls seem to do (at least, I have never encountered a squealing boy). Just why?

To be fair, DD has absorbed this one and on the very rare occasion when I have her and some of her friends in my car has been known to say very solemnly to them "we have to be sensible because my Mummy doesn't do squealing girls"

Oh God yes the touching and leaning and the bursting into tears if I dare to object to being patted/prodded/leaned on. I guess I sort of knew pre-DC that I had a overdeveloped strong sense of personal space but I had never worried about offending anyone by asserting it until I had DC.

The touching.

Fidgeting.

Waffling on and on about crap. Taking an hour to get to the bloody point.

Waiting till I've gone upstairs before trying to talk to me.

Taking 20 minutes to actually leave the house. The faffing, dear God, the faffing about!!

And DH coming from home and raising the 'you're quite shouty' eyebrow at me. Yes. Yes, I fucking am.

Being used as a climbing frame/trampoline- I'm covered in little feet and elbow sized bruises. I'm usually quite good at seeing them coming but sometimes DS manages to trick me.

The fidgeting. DD sits next to me, then fidgets. So I move her a few inches down sofa and she'll spend next few minutes fidgeting her way back up. I used to do unnecessary chores just to not be sat beside.

YY to PP who wouldn't let husband touch. I was the same. For the love of God, just let no one be touching/stroking/prodding/pulling me for 5 minutes.

'Ow' lasting for 97 loud syllables is infuriating, as is then guessing where you're going and wandering there slowly ahead of you.

'Forgetting' how to put socks on. And then crying about it.

DH would like to add toys that sing, beep, make car noises, wail, shriek etc, and to that I would add the relatives who buy loud toys, despite being begged politely asked not to, and who then huff like children when they find I have removed the batteries.

The negotiations. Having to negotiate about every single fucking aspect of existence.
I am not a natural diplomat. It takes every shred of patience I have not to roar 'just fucking DOOOOOOOOOOOOOO IIIIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTT' whilst tearing at my hair and spitting.

The touching. The screeching. The malignity upon this earth that is Lego.

and being leaned on, it's not a cuddle, you don't need a hug you just want to dig your bony bits into my side!

Never being allowed to say "I don't know" dd2 is 7 and expects me to have the answer to EVERYTHING and I don't know just isn't good enough. Today - "Why were the first olympians naked?" "Why is Pudsey Bear yellow?" "Why is it raining" why, why, why why sodding why!!

Yyyy a thousand times yes to so many of these!
And my own pet hate: ds prefaces every single question with " I have a question ". JUST ASK.

My 2 yo DD has developed a really irritating habit of leaning against my back with hers while I'm changing the baby or refusing to bear any weight on her legs when I'm trying to get her dressed/shoes on/to sit on the potty.

Sadly I also had the misfortune to marry into a family of faffers and it would appear DD is one too. I really hope DS is different!

I absolute abhor tapping! Can't bear it I simply can't ....

Dollius - I told DS1, and I'll tell DS2 when he gets big enough "IF you walk in front of me, I will tread on/kick/trip you. You will get hurt. Stop doing it". I also told DS1 the same with regards to the pushchair "I will run you over, you will get hurt".

Amazingly, it works 90% of the time. He's never been run over/badly hurt, although I have tripped him at least once, and trodden on him a couple of times - but that's what's going to happen if he does it to other people who aren't his family, so he needs to learn not to do it.

DH is also incredibly irritating - I didn't realise how much so until we were married. Singing snippets of songs, over and over, in a more and more stylised way each time; "doing" the drumbeats of songs so he sounds like loud personal stereo noises coming out of someone's headphones; tapping (mostly in the car); his jaw clicking while eating... I could go on.