things I didn't know I found annoying until I had children.

Flowerpower41 - you sound so much like me I had a moment of existential confusion where I wondered if I had namechanged, posted your comment, and then forgotten.

Being kicked in the chest whilst changing nappies / having a toddler hand thrust down my top and pinching my nips fgs!

Toddler going up/down stairs at the pace of a chuffing glacier. Dodgy hip left over from pregnancy making it painful to just pick her up and move her when I can stand it no longer.

Cleaning food off the floor 10,000 times a day.

Toddler refusing to go into the high chair/car seat/trolley and all the shenanigans that follow.

Never having the time / peace to do anything with 100% of my attention (cooking, cleaning, having a shower!).

Waking up in the middle of the night with a cbeebies theme tune stuck in my head. Last night DP started singing 'melody' just as he was drifting off to sleep, it was quite amusing to be honest

Being poked in the face
Sharp elbows in my tummy
Ds moving into my place in a nano second if I move
Wee on the loo seat
Toothpaste spit welded to the sink
Rubbish, left every where
All the packed lunch food for the week eaten in one sitting
Changing the channel to a cartoon then leaving the room
Accusatory screaming that the wifi isn't working WHYYYYYY ISNT IT WORKING?
Being expected to give a lift, in rush hour, to the other side of town because he's just arranged it and needs to go NOW!
Every single iPhone charger and plug gone, never to reappear

I love them both a lot though

"Dollius01

Yes, and why do they always have to walk right in front of you so you trip over them?"

Yes! ...downstairs, incredible slowly, in front of you, when you're trying to answer the door to a parcel courier before they leave you a red card and take your package away to be lost forever. Argh!!

Yupyupyup to standing way too close, leaning on me constantly and pulling my trousers down while I'm trying to wash up. When he was a baby he always cried while I was washing up and it pissed me right off. And cheerios: rolly, sticky fuckers.
Milk. Argh! The sight of that stuff ANYWHERE other than a sippy cup makes my blood pressure explode. It's a flipping biohazard.
Postman Pat. Used to love it, but now find myself muttering "for God's sake Pat" a lot. How hard is it to deliver a parcel that hasn't been chewed by several different animals?

Just when I think I've nailed training both dc not to stand in front of the front door (so I can open it with keys) one of them stands right in front of the fucking door again tonight.

Que?

Buying a cake or ice cream that's then dropped or child exclaims "I don't like it" " I want a different one". Rage.

The mess the mess the bloody mess.

YY repetition. I am sick of the sound of my own voice.

Great thread. Makes me feel strangely normal.

Solidarity!

Jesus fuck. Weetabix. Everywhere. And more often than not dried to cement so that it doesn't fucking come off anything!!!!

That and the touching. Being mauled 85% of my day, no wonder I just want to lie down and sleep by 7pm. Relentless.

My three year old's current vogue for staging massive 'emergencies' on the living room floor (involving a hundred vehicles and half the Happyland population, a dolls' house, a fire station and a garage) with which he begs me to assist, but won't then let do do anything with the grubby, slightly-broken fire engine I'm allowed to hold.apparently I do the siren noise wrong.

'Head wrestling', which involves getting down on all fours and trying to push each other backwards with our foreheads. His is like a cannon ball with blonde hair.

He is fully able to go to the loo by himself, but likes me to come in and have long, philosophical conversations about death and sewage while he does a poo.

Thomas the fucking self-righteous bastard Tank Engine. And Fireman Sam. I fantasise about his slightly jealous fisherman brother Charlie using him as bait.

Feet going stiff or squirmy when trying to put socks on. I fucking hate putting ds socks on him. Worst point of my day!
Answering the same question over and over (how can flowers grow?) Or telling the same story over and over (jack and the beanstalk).

Ah TreadSoftlyOnMyDreams, Raisins - yes, raisins. Everywhere.
The Whining. Picking the bits of orange out of the marmalade
And what I find most surprising of all, muddying the paint colours in their pots.

The sound of things being constantly dropped on the wooden floor (think coins). Supremely irritating!

Oh yes the endless blooding bickering. And that noise when injustice has occurred.

Another joyous moment is when DS tips up a full bowl of cereal on purpose. I could cry! He's not naughty the rest of the time but finds this hilarious.

I spend a lot of time reading to him and teaching him new words and he doesn't listen then I mutter "for fuck sake" under my breath ONCE and now he keeps going "uh sake, uh sake". I pray he doesn't figure out the first word

No sense of individual space, being lain on, and now older being draped on. Hate it.

The tone of that Mummmmmmmmy or Papaaaaaa when they want something. Always having an audience on the loo, or whenever you want or need to do something faintly embarrassing eg tampax.

Not staying in bed in the f*ing morning, and not going to bed in the evening.

And mine are not toddlers

Last night 2 year old DS woke up coughing and crying saying he needed "medsin" so I brought him downstairs to get the calpol and he was warm so I took off his socks. He looked down and saw fluff on his toes shouted "FUFFFFF" and let out and almighty scream. He couldn't breathe he was that upset. Hell on earth at the time but I must admit it is cute now I think about it

Oh my god I love this thread!
Ds starts a conversation but forgets what he wants to say half way through so will just restart the sentence repeatedly until he remembers :-/
Ds, dh and foster son constantly follow me round our not very big kitchen, standing wherever I need to be!
Ds questioning me all the time: mummy where is that car going?
Mummy, who is that? (Random person we've said hello to on a dog walk)
Mummy where does the petrol go?
Mummy you know X at school? And then stops the conversation and wanders off!!!

Oh and being handed rubbish. I am not a bin, why would I want your horrible sticky lolly wrapper?

Sibling bickering, over everything, especially things that don't matter and whinging.
Turn-taking - we have one child seat in the front due to lack of space in the back and I am expected to know instantly which of the 3 of them was last in the front.

Not getting reply to a question like "Do you want a drink" because the people I'm talking to are unable to watch TV and do ANYTHING else. I have to stand in front of the screen to get their attention and then they still try to look round me!

On the other hand, I feel really sad about the person who hates reading stories - that's one of my favourite things about having kids.

I am loving these posts, thank you for reassuring us all that this is normal (even if it's annoying). DD wasn't obsessed with Frozen when it came out (Thank God) but seems to have discovered 'Jinx'. If I get jinxed again for breathing at the same time, blinking at the same time or seeing the same green car at the same time I'll push out of the moving car. But we are both surreal and moment she has discovered a song with the line 'It's ok to feel like a fat child in a pushchair' which she keeps singing at the top of her voice in public, no mater who is around. I know I'll miss the cuddles, the poking, refusal to hold hands because I teach 11-18 and I hear the grumbles from parents at consultation evenings.

All of the above plus:

Nothing is every enough
The sense of entitlement
The lack of sense of what is important, eg being on time
Their preference (although this can be a blessing as well) for easy/junky food, rather than healthy home cooked meals that would make me feel as if I was doing my job well.
Teenage attitude (at 8)
Lack of respect
Being followed round by my 5 year old
Always feeling second best
What the poster said about Motherhood benefitting men is so true

This thread is great, it is a real relief to know that others feel the same.

Not understanding the difference between in and on when faced with a dishwasher.

Tapping

Dripping taps

Dried toothpaste

Sandwiches with one bite taken out of it

Point and whine. I fucking hate point and whine, you're 3 and a half, I know you can speak, I've heard you talk for 20 minutes without pausing for breath on the subject of what's going on your birthday cake.

And also, talking around the bloody houses.

• DD1 walks in wearing interesting socks DD2: My feet are cold. Me: what? Why? It's July. It's 30 degrees. DD2 (whining): my feeet are coooold Me: do you want a pair of slippers on? DD2: NOOOOOOO
• repeat until I cop on that DD2 wants the same socks on as DD1