the worst thing I have ever done due to child induced fatigue

Actual lol at dragging the dog bin bag.

These are all worse than mine. I'm feeling quite smug now.

Got very cross that my work fob wouldn't work to open the door of my house and that the key didn't fit in the lock of the door at work because it was for home
The microwave didn't work when I swiped my card at it
The oven didn't turn on after I didn't program it to start but put the food in it anyway
That the dog wasn't stop banging the door to come in after I hadn't opened it for him but had put his dinner bowl down (glass door visible for pooch)
That the pram on the side looked exactly like mine as I walked past it carrying DS home (it was mine)
That the dog was being very slow when in fact was not the dog I was dragging a large bag of rubbish I hadn't put in the bin and yes the dog was tied to the bin poor muppet.

Had second baby at 42, was utterly exhausted as he did not sleep, ever. In an absolute coma, I put parka over PJ's to take then 13 year old DD to school. Pulled over in bus stop to sling her out with the hope that nobody would see me. Saw Headmaster marching towards car to tell me off for parking at bus stop so made to pull away quickly only to find I had put my car in reverse and slammed into the car behind me. This resulted in me not only damaging somebody's car, being told off by Headmaster, holding up the traffic due to bus not being able to get into bus stop but worst of all, having to get out of the car wearing checked PJ bottoms, Ugg boots, no bra and a parka with bed hair and no make up in order to exchange details with other driver. My daughter has never forgiven me. Luckily other driver spotted baby, realised I was exhausted and was lovely about the whole thing. No harm done to either car in the end. My credibility as a parent, however, was shot to pieces and I will forever be known as the bus stop mum. Actual bollocks

Oh yes, tried to get through the work security pass with my Oyster. Repeatedly.

Locked myself out of a hotel room when I was away with work. My one chance of a decent nights sleep and I must have dreamt I heard my son crying, got up and walked to his room, but then found myself in a hotel corridor. Had to make a sheepish dash to reception.

I've also left all my shopping in the trolley at tesco and not realised until I'd got home. Apparently it happens quite frequently!

To make a phone call from work we have to press 9 first to get an outside line. During mat leave I tried to do this several times from home and wondered why the number wouldn't work.

Slow cooked dinosaur

I have:

• Walked around all day with my trousers on inside out, only noticed when in Starbucks at the end of the day, XH (DH at the time) laughed and said he wanted to see how long it'd take for me to notice.

• Panicked that I couldn't find my wallet anywhere, cue mad rush around the house, tearing the place apart before having to go to work without it. Came home in the evening, opened the freezer and found it nestling in a bag of frozen mice (we had pet snakes at the time).

• Once went away for the weekend and left the door open. Not unlocked, wide open. Luckily lived in the middle of nowhere so nothing happened!

• Used to listen to the radio on my mobile phone. Clicked the button to turn on the radio, walked into the kitchen holding said phone, then the radio started up and for a moment was genuinely terrified that there were strange voices coming out of my hand.

• On a couple of occasions I've asked for cashback, then automatically thrown it in the bin with the receipt on my way out of the shop, had to rake around in bin for it to the amusement of Tesco security man.

• Countless times not been able to work out why dinner isn't cooking when I hadn't turned the oven on.

• Tried to open my front door with an Oyster card.

• Once walked up to a friend, and said "Hi, how are you? Yeah good thanks, and you? Yeah I'm alright thanks", then realised she was supposed to say some of that.

I'm amazed I'm still alive, frankly.

And have definitely done the leaving the door wide open all night with the keys in thing a few times when ds was very young. And in the middle of winter. Woke up wondering why the flat was so fucking cold! And have left car doors wide open with my purse on the seat, all night. Purse wasn't there in the morning funnily enough.

I've done the not strapped carsseat in to car, and I only realised when I went round the 1st corner and the carseat rolled across the back seat landing with dd suspending upside down :(.... Felt awful!
I also went to a shopping park, wandered around for 2hrs and when back at the car realised that the rear door was wide open!

I've driven off with my DD safely in her travel system car seat, only to realise half way up the street that it wasn't fastened by a seat belt.

I've also put on a pan of potatoes to boil for a salad... then gone out to toddler group.

Twice!

The first time, the pan survived, but the second time the bottom fell off the pan when I stuck it in the sink to cool down.

DH was very sarcastic.

I find these stories so heartwarming and terrifying. I'm about to enter into this crazy sleep deprivation world for the second time and it's reminding me of how I just disintegrated due to lack of sleep with my ds. I've done many of the things you all describe. And I'm sure I will again.

I have on quite a few occasions called DS 7 months by the dogs name and called him a good little girl.
I forgot to screw the top on his bottle properly and thought bloody hell he drank that quick, only to feel a wet trickling sensation down my side.

HelsBels I once had to pull DS out of class and ask him if he could remember where he had put mummy's purse (he'd hidden it somewhere random). His teacher was most amused.

I had a phone call at school from a mum the other day asking me to search for her car & house keys - thought she may have put them in childs school bag and had walked all the way home to discover she could not get in house. I checked - they were in his book bag nestled alongside reading diary and reading book! Oops.

I remember saying to DS when he was a couple of weeks old "Come to Auntie Cunk." I don't think I'd quite realised I was a mother.

A couple of times XP and I suggested to each other (in the first 6 months of DS' life) that we should go out in the evening, forgetting about the baby in the next room.

I love the slow-cooked dinosaur

Haha! Whoops

twirly purple ha ha

Oh, I just remembered.... Please don't judge me.... But I would regularly just turn the pillow over if ds puked / shit on it in the night. I remember waking up with my nose in sunk in baby puke and wondering how my life had turned into this?!

TWll, don't worry - we have all survived! Some purple have more than 1 child so it can't be that bad!

Have done so many of these...fortunately my two year old just looked confused and asked what I was doing when I plonked a large steaming mug of coffee in front of him while I stood drinking water from his beaker.

I reversed the car into our own wheelie bin which I'd only just seem the bin men empty and thought to myself that I'd have to move it before I went out in the car.
I have also laid in bed trying to press snooze on my alarm before realising that the sound that woke me up was DD crying!

I put ds in his car seat in the boot of the car & the shopping in the isofix base. Realised before I drove thankfully.

Just remembered. I took a day off work so I could sleep when dd was at her childminder, took her to the childminder and then went to work. No-one mentioned I shouldn't have been there until about 3pm when I was leaving to go home. and then it was hysterically funny to all the people who didn't have a baby and could sleep all night and set an alarm clock to wake them.

bach it'll be fine. We all fuck up. I bet neanderthal woman dropped clubs on her first born child and left them outside the cave repeatedly and we are doing ok as a species. realise dd is currently asleep on the wet cushion I've just cleaned face down