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Original poster

to kill all the spiders?

997 replies

bessarabiantiger · 29/08/2015 16:17

We live in the country, we're very lucky with our house and we've been here two years. There's a lake on the property and with lakes come mosquito hoardes (fine, live and let live, we knew about this when ee took the place, and with mosquito hoardes come spiders.

I am alright with most types of spider, I allow Huntsman (? Spindly legged) in every room as they're no bother and keep the mossies down when we have the windows open. Brown recluse get ejected with a glass & cardboard or eaten by the cat.

This year we have a problem with false widows and a kind we've never seen before. They are awful. Striped and with extra long front legs, they shamble across the ceiling as if they're drunk & often fall in your drink/dinner/hair.

We now have around 80 of the fuckers in the kitchen. They are making nests. For many people this wouldn't even be an issue. But me being me I've said to myself, well the windows are open, they aren't scaring me on purpose (even after the night I walked into the kitchen without turning the lights on and had one who was making a web land on my face. ARGH!) Etc. Etc.

We've used every natural repellant going. From plug-in spider scarers (knew they were bullshit but was at wits end last sept) to conkers, peppermint oil, spider hoover, removing them all outside (shudder. That was a horrible day) only to find a new gang there in the morning.

After me and DH being bitten this week (him on the neck, me on the hand WHILST ASLEEP IN BED! Hand swelled up for the next 24 hours, yes, it was a spider, found it crawling down my leg) I have finally and very reluctantly bought spider poison.

I am hoping someone can offer a better solution before I have to use it. DS has mild asthma and am worried about the effect on him (we will evacuate for the day after use) and it's an aersol as well as a poison. It sounds silly, but I've only ever used aerosol twice- the ozone layer was so drummed into me at school it feels akin to pooping straight down a whales blow hole!

AIBU to kill the spiders so they stop biting us? Has anyone got any other solution?

We break webs and remove visible offenders bi-daily BTW.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
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ThumbWitchesAbroad · 11/09/2015 12:03

No. No he's not. You can't really see the horror of the black face and enormo-pincerjaws in that photo. Maybe this one will be clearer:

to kill all the spiders?
Lj8893 · 11/09/2015 11:41

Aww he's quite cute!

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 11/09/2015 11:40

Not a pterodactyl, although, y'know, it could be descended from one. And no, I didn't murderise it with the windscreen wipers either. Just in case it chewed through one.

I believe it's a King Cricket - it was 1.5" long in the body but its antennae were at least 5" long (so quite small as King Crickets go).

I've nicknamed it the Evil Cricket of Doom - I think that's fair.

to kill all the spiders?
Original poster
bessarabiantiger · 11/09/2015 11:24

[Sits quietly hoping Thumbwitch has caught Pterodactyl under her windscreen wipers]

OP posts:
PatricianOfAnkhMorpork · 11/09/2015 11:21

Wonky that's a Green Orb Weaver you've got there. Lives in low growing bushes and hedges, eats flies and other insects.

Lj8893 · 11/09/2015 11:21

Oh I am eagerly awaiting the photo Thumbwitches!

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 11/09/2015 11:15

I am Traumatised. I have just returned from a brief run to the shops in the car for chocolate and as I was driving along the road, this THING just ran up my windscreen, on the passenger side. I initially thought it might be a Huntsman but no!

It clung on, all the way. It stayed on my windscreen in the carpark. It was still there when I returned, and clung on all the way home (all of 3 minutes, to be fair). It was still there when I took DH's phone out to take a photo since mine was refusing to play the game.

I'm just waiting for DH to send me the photo and then I will post it here, along with my best guess as to what it is.

Original poster
bessarabiantiger · 11/09/2015 11:13

So Isembard arrived safe and well then? Marvellous!

I like that green one. I want some of those.

OP posts:
wonkylegs · 11/09/2015 10:32

The first picture was one of 5 little spiders I removed from our house last night ( for reference that's a pint glass that he's filling), they were all this size!
The second is the craziest coloured spider I've seen for a bit and was sitting on the plant outside my door today.

to kill all the spiders?
to kill all the spiders?
Original poster
bessarabiantiger · 10/09/2015 22:23

Never! Have gone completely Tim Burton.

OP posts:
dementedma · 10/09/2015 21:58

Bess you and you're dh are clearly bonkers. Please can you get rid of the spiders so I can come and visit?

Pastamancer · 10/09/2015 20:36

Have you been eating baked beans? :o

Original poster
bessarabiantiger · 10/09/2015 20:20

I so wish we could upload video. I've been working on my bugling and can now manage a magnificent Paaarp.

OP posts:
Pastamancer · 10/09/2015 20:08

Bess you are clearly the arachnid Pied Bugler Piper

Original poster
bessarabiantiger · 10/09/2015 19:51

Husband & I have just done a rough calculation...

Eating dinner outside (it's one of the last lovely days in the WORLD) under our covered decking. The roof (?) is basically a grid of wood supported by posts & topped with marquee canvas, it's lovely, keeps the rain off the deck and means any and all friends can party like it's 1999 no matter the time of year.

Each 'panel' is about 1m by 70cm and the wooden joists house spiders. They love it. Party spiders they are. So as it was dusk I did a rough count per panel (sans bugle) and established that including the spiders who live in my festoon lights, we shared our dining space with just over one thousand arachnids.

I'm strangely calm about this. I've come inside, naturally, but have just decided to pretend they're not happening.

OP posts:
hudyerwheesht · 10/09/2015 16:18

Aww, that letter is lovely!

I'd pay money to hear him say Gallopy Fuckers.

Btw, standy-up iguana, Grin

Original poster
bessarabiantiger · 10/09/2015 13:51

Not yet, but he did send The Boy a nice letter when he sent his Mexican Wildlife project to him.

I would pay money to hear him say Stripus Bastardicus...

to kill all the spiders?
OP posts:
Pastamancer · 10/09/2015 13:34

Has anyone contacted the BBC yet to arrange for David Attenborough to do a series in your house? You appear to have more than enough wildlife

Original poster
bessarabiantiger · 10/09/2015 13:33

Sorry, am running with this now.

"Look! A standy-up Iguana!"

"Aw. He thinks he's people!"

OP posts:
Original poster
bessarabiantiger · 10/09/2015 13:29

I'd be the first to die at Jurassic Park.

"DON'T WORRY EVERYONE! This animal is
clearly made-up"

OP posts:
Original poster
bessarabiantiger · 10/09/2015 13:27

Yes Thumb, I quite like animals like that simply because they just don't appear real, ergo I don't need to be properly scared.

"Hello made-up animal"

'Raaaaaarrrrr' waves legs

"Oh aren't you funny?"

I just can't take them seriously. Which is probably an error on my part.

OP posts:
hudyerwheesht · 10/09/2015 13:27

That's a scorpion?? I thought it was a massive spider with a huge wingspan.

Ok, Thumb knows I can't stop my morbid curiousity so I looked up Camel Spider. Apparently the only thing worse than the evil spider/scorpion hybrid thing of doom itself is the reaction to its bite.

At least, I'm assuming that's what those images of large, craters of red, sore flesh are that also came up with the search. I'm not going to double-check.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 10/09/2015 13:12

Bess - that "thing" has brought me out in a cold sweat as well. Fuck I hate scorpions, and that doesn't even look like one to start with!!
Narsty, that's what it is. Proper narsty.

Did you look up camel spiders yet? They're not exactly spiders either, they're a scorpion type jobby as well, thankfully not found in Australia

Original poster
bessarabiantiger · 10/09/2015 12:57

Up to 60cm for an Arsless whip scorpion. Yes. 60cm.

There is not a bugle in the world big enough for that much Fuck That. I'd need a Viking horn. And I don't have one of those yet.

This guy wasn't that big, a bit smaller than my worst nightmare.

OP posts:
hudyerwheesht · 10/09/2015 12:50

Argh! The size of the Hellbeast is making me come out in a cold sweat.

Even without something to use as scale - bugle or similar - you can tell its massive. Look at how long the legs at the side are! Its more like a wingspan.