to kill all the spiders?

Lol. I twitch every time something brushes against me and keep scanning the floors on a regular sweep like a searchlight in one of those old concentration camp films.....

Every spider in the world is crawling over the house until I inspect and it turns out to be Miniwonkas latest artistic offering or where I dropped a baked bean last night.

And I'm itching all over.

You fuckers

Fat Albert will be out to avenge the murder death of his wife.
I would be very afraid if I were you. Ditch the bow and arrow and get a flame thrower.....

You bastards. Especially op

You total funking bastards. All you ones who posted on the first 5 pages at least. And especially lemon who won't be getting any wonka chocolate for quite some time.

I'm sat in the half light.

Do you have ANY FUNKING IDEA how many stains on the carpet / duvet cover / walls etc someone with two Snack sized children and my house keeping skills have?

Arse.

Seems I've got me a giant house spider according to Google

Who is probably mighty pissed off that I killed Mrs Albert earlier this week. who was too big to be flushed down the plughole when she thought it would be funny to run around the bath while I was having a shower

And now he's moved and could be anywhere.

Hope you all sleep well because I'm never going to sleep again

Fat Albert must die!

at spider disco.

at Fat Albert. Who would not be alive if he were in my bathroom.

Thanks lemon
I shall return the favour one day

You don't get many of those to the bugle.

I do like you Wonka! This thread is my gift to you

Meet fat Albert who is very slowly inching his way out onto the floor when he thinks I'm not looking

What the f!
I've just been sent a link to this thread from someone who clearly doesn't like me much.
Five pages in and I want to be sick, leave the country (or possibly world) and kill every spider in existence.
Can anyone identify a spider for me that's living under my bath if I post a picture?

I don't usually hudyerwheesht, I'm not totally heartless. It was just because of where they were- the upstairs landing where the ceiling is very low, they were in danger of being headbutted or hitching a ride on me.
The others are safe, and there's a spider disco in the shed

Married - you vaccuumed a pair of Charlottes?
I'm not sure Bess will ever forgive you.

Oh I have a Charlotte in my bathroom, I have left her there and am quite comforted by her presence. I had to stop the cat attacking her though!

I come back to find you've all been having such fun without me

Far too many scary pics, I can safely say I will not be visiting you Thumb, there are limits!
My tale is somewhat mild by comparison. Charlotte the cheap chandelier pushed her luck by bringing a friend over. I tolerated their partying for a few days but then they appeared to have had a fall out and were eyeing each other malevolently from lower and lower down the wall. My Miele vacuum cleaner isn't the cat and dog one. Nuff said

I have just seen a horrible spider video on Facebook!

Fucking hell, one of those giant, pint glass filling fuckers just ran across my HAND. How I didn't throw my laptop across the room I don't know, scared the hell out of DH shrieking and must have made a leap to rival an Olympic long jumper whilst ripping off my nightie in case it was still on me

Even worse the fucker then disappeared, I was about to decamp upstairs when it shot out from under the sofa. I've never been more glad to have whippets who enjoy snacking on spiders, one of them made very short work of the sneaky little bastard.

Oh no, did I kill the thread?

I've never killed a thread before and now I've gone and killed a damn good 'un.

Oh my god, aurora. That was like a short horror story. So it's still out there, presumably with a shiny new skin ??

Thumbwich - wtaf?! That's it antennae that's going out of shot? I thought you had lassooed the bugger.

Oh god.

They certainly do! They stop-motion their way toward true massive horror size.

Noooo surely only tarantulas shed their skin?! Normal UK house spiders don't, do they?

I love this thread :D

About a week ago i was up late and this mahoosive mutant brown gallopy fucker ran across the living room.

I armed myself with a pyrex jug and a piece of card to dispose of my unwanted house guest. Cue Benny Hill Music with me trying to chase the bugger round the living room.

But alas it was far to quick for me and ran up the curtains and just sat at the top staring down at me.

It was 2am at this point and i had two decisions, neither i liked very much. 1. Go to bed and let the mutant spider claim my living room, with me forever wondering where it may be.

1. Climb up on a stool and try and get it. I have myself seen the YT video of the Aussie guy on a ladder trying to get the huntsman and for anyone else who has seen it, that video was playing through my mind as i contemplated what to do.

I chose go to bed in the end.

When i got up, the mutant spider had gone. It was somewhere, i just didn't know where.

When i got home and settled down to some TV with the OH that evening, i kept scanning the room. Any movement out the corner of my eye and my head shot round, any hair that brushed my arm i jumped to wipe it off. I have been checking everything on full alert.

That brings me to today and i have somewhat calmed down, we haven't seen the mutant spider at all. It's probably died or gone back outside i told myself.

My OH is awaiting delivery of a new fridge freezer. He's pulled everything out and cleaned behind the old fridge as you do.

He said to me - "You don't want to know what i just hoovered up behind the firdge".

I said hopefully; "The dead mutant spider?"

He said - "Nope, the mutant spiders skin".

Oh, no he's not so cute after all.