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Original poster

to kill all the spiders?

997 replies

bessarabiantiger · 29/08/2015 16:17

We live in the country, we're very lucky with our house and we've been here two years. There's a lake on the property and with lakes come mosquito hoardes (fine, live and let live, we knew about this when ee took the place, and with mosquito hoardes come spiders.

I am alright with most types of spider, I allow Huntsman (? Spindly legged) in every room as they're no bother and keep the mossies down when we have the windows open. Brown recluse get ejected with a glass & cardboard or eaten by the cat.

This year we have a problem with false widows and a kind we've never seen before. They are awful. Striped and with extra long front legs, they shamble across the ceiling as if they're drunk & often fall in your drink/dinner/hair.

We now have around 80 of the fuckers in the kitchen. They are making nests. For many people this wouldn't even be an issue. But me being me I've said to myself, well the windows are open, they aren't scaring me on purpose (even after the night I walked into the kitchen without turning the lights on and had one who was making a web land on my face. ARGH!) Etc. Etc.

We've used every natural repellant going. From plug-in spider scarers (knew they were bullshit but was at wits end last sept) to conkers, peppermint oil, spider hoover, removing them all outside (shudder. That was a horrible day) only to find a new gang there in the morning.

After me and DH being bitten this week (him on the neck, me on the hand WHILST ASLEEP IN BED! Hand swelled up for the next 24 hours, yes, it was a spider, found it crawling down my leg) I have finally and very reluctantly bought spider poison.

I am hoping someone can offer a better solution before I have to use it. DS has mild asthma and am worried about the effect on him (we will evacuate for the day after use) and it's an aersol as well as a poison. It sounds silly, but I've only ever used aerosol twice- the ozone layer was so drummed into me at school it feels akin to pooping straight down a whales blow hole!

AIBU to kill the spiders so they stop biting us? Has anyone got any other solution?

We break webs and remove visible offenders bi-daily BTW.

OP posts:
Thread gallery
75
Wilhamenawonka · 16/09/2015 21:24

I'm going downstairs to find food.
Or possibly to be food...

If I don't come back avenge my death

TheTravellingLemon · 16/09/2015 21:24

ME: hey little spider, I don't mind you staying in here, but if you can just stay over there while I'm around please. Cheers mate.

SPIDER: I'm going to fucking kill you.

FattyNinjaOwl · 16/09/2015 21:12

If spiders could talk...

to kill all the spiders?
MooseyMoo · 16/09/2015 21:11

No, no, spiders get you at the gym too ...

Went for a nice relaxing Pilates class. Took trainers off before class, put them next to mat. After session trainers back on, bus home, made dinner, watched TV, went for shower. Took trainer off and there was something black on my white trainer sock. Leaned down to inspect and there was a spider. I shrieked, kicked my leg manically and spider flew into wardrobe and dropped into DH's shoe. At any other time I would have very proud of that shot but no, I was freaking out that the spider had been in my shoe and I had slowly squashed it into my sock for over 4 fucking hours. I was a jibbering wreck. DH got home, told him the story and he thought it was hilarious until I told him it was still in his shoe.

So, that spider must have crawled into my trainer whilst in the gym. You have been warned ...

FattyNinjaOwl · 16/09/2015 21:02

wonka you should ask mnhq

Wilhamenawonka · 16/09/2015 20:39

I wish we had a spider emoticon Smile

Original poster
bessarabiantiger · 16/09/2015 20:33

And the horse you rode in on...

OP posts:
Wilhelmenawonka · 16/09/2015 20:21

www.spiderzrule.com/314/big%20spider!!_small.jpg

Grin
StillFrankie · 16/09/2015 19:56

Right, I'm leaving this thread. That last picture did it for me. Fucking hell Shock

Original poster
bessarabiantiger · 16/09/2015 19:50

Have read all your horrors, am honestly, on the verge of laying eggs with the fear of it all.

Today I have declared the entire 'crap room' a no-go area after spotting no fewer than EIGHT Isembards in amongst my boxes. Have shut the cat in there and told her in no uncertain terms to earn her fucking keep

Mainly this week I've been working or in the gym. I love the gym. Mainly because ofthe LACK OF FEKKIN WILDLIFE.

Also they make me lunch.

OP posts:
dementedma · 16/09/2015 19:40

my car that is a OMFG move house NOW spider!
fatty helpful. Not. Am sitting here wearing pjs and trainers so I can leap into to stomping action quickly. Have to keep lifting my head and scanning the room for gallopy fuckers...

Original poster
bessarabiantiger · 16/09/2015 18:35

I'm lurking (and laughing) again, as am doing that awful thing called work. Why can't I get paid for writing about spiders onthe Internet. why?.

Husband is alive & kicking, whilst I regret the grammar I am enjoying the ripostes.

Am going to read everything again...

OP posts:
Wilhelmenawonka · 16/09/2015 18:35

That's massive! Sad
Run for your life.

I've found fat Albert. He's in my friends house on the other side of town really really REALLY hope it's the same spider or he's still hiding in the house

MyCarHasBrokenDownAgain · 16/09/2015 17:39

Sadly I'm such a wuss I'm even scared of dead ones, and there's no way I am going near enough to hit it. My cellar spiders have let me down this year Sad

FattyNinjaOwl · 16/09/2015 17:32

I can highly recommend the book 'under the dome' as the perfect weapon for such a large gallopy fucker. Squash the bastard dead!

MyCarHasBrokenDownAgain · 16/09/2015 17:27

This dinner plate* sized bugger is currently eyeballing me from across the room. We have reached a stand-off, I'm not going near him, if he stays on the wall and doesn't run across the carpet at me. I am praying DH gets home very very soon before it gets dark as I don't think he'll fit in the spider catcher.

*possibly a slight exaggeration.

to kill all the spiders?
MooseyMoo · 16/09/2015 16:41

Another time DH was away, another big bugger appeared in the bathroom. I could have left it but bathroom had connecting door to bedroom and no way would I sleep

MooseyMoo · 16/09/2015 16:24

Just finished RTFT and, if with the DC, my reaction is 'Oh that's a large spider'. In the evening, when the bigger buggers come out, they are affectionately known as ... ShitFuckHUGE (with lots of hand wafting and hoiking legs onto sofa).

Some of my encounters with spiders (that had been buried deep in my memory) have come back to haunt me now because of you ... Bess

We lived in NZ for a few years. Whenever DH was away on business trips, the most evil looking spiders would appear. The first time, one appeared whilst I was watching TV. We lived in Wellington which is bloody windy most days. I did not want to glass & cardboard it as well, it would be in my face after opening window. So I put my slipper on and stepped on it. Imagine my alarm that I could FEEL it's body through my slipper and when I lifted my foot. It... Was... Still ... Alive. It scuttled off one way me the other

PatricianOfAnkhMorpork · 16/09/2015 13:37

Vicki quite a few UK spiders bite, just not many of them are particularly nasty. The False Widow causes the worst reaction, followed by our native Funnel Web, Giant House can be bad too. In fact quite a few of the most common can be fairly nasty and some will require medical treatment.

We have over 650 species of arachnid in the UK with new ones being found all the time. Stands to reason that some of them are going to be fairly aggressive and bite.

Currently there have been no recorded deaths due to spider bites in the UK.

Bess you will be pleased to know that your Cardinal that was living in your hall is actually completely harmless despite being a scary looking fucker.

caitlinohara · 16/09/2015 10:09

Can't bring myself to read whole thread. OP your house sounds like my Room 101. Maybe you should just come and live with us. We have lived here for 7 years and in all that time we have only ever seen one spider in the house. It fell on dh's head immediately after we'd had an argument. He swears to this day that I made it happen and now believes I have Carrie-like powers. True story.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 16/09/2015 09:34

Yeah, sorry Vicki - that's not strictly true any more, especially since the false widow made an appearance.

Vickisuli · 16/09/2015 09:26

I have frequently told my DC that NO spiders in the UK can bite!!!!! Really? Argh!

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 16/09/2015 01:50

Have I mentioned the Boris I used to have when I lived in the UK? he was a Large House Spider, and he used to appear in the evenings from one side of the fireplace, crossing the floor diagonally heading for the door - but every time, he would stop in the middle, turn and face the tv to see what was on, before continuing. Some nights he would stay for a while; others, he'd go straight on. I'm sure it was the same spider every time, used to amuse the hell out of me!

marriednotdead · 15/09/2015 23:57

There is an alternative to my spider disco it seems, though from the amount of press they're getting, perhaps they're just waiting for an interviewer.

Just need to raise £2k

Felt something tiny drop from a door frame the other day. Until this thread, it would never have occurred to me that it might be spider poo!

No newbies indoors since the duelling Charlottes departed but I'm planning to pull out the fridge tomorrow to start decorating the dining room so I doubt it will be a clear run. I'll report back if I can Grin

littlelady3045 · 15/09/2015 23:49

Have had 12, yes 12, of the ones that landed on Steve's face in the last 3/4 weeks. I do not live in the country and am on the first floor. One very kindly ran up DS and I had to do inner screaming whilst flicking it off of him, he then had a chat with it, after which I may have dropped a pot of paint on it. Thankfully he isn't scared of spiders and put the flattened beast down the toilet for me.

IMO if it's not paying rent or contributing to cleaning it's not staying here, although I don't mine the Charlottes or tiny ones, but the big ones can do one.

P.s have hugely lurked on this thread and has had me genuinely had me laughing out loud, thank you all