How can I be more "French"?

"Do not grow boobs larger than a D cup."

... Yes, buy them instead.

Yes Emily I thought that the 'serrez a droite' thing had finished quite a few years ago but it seems not. Amboise is the only town I've been to where there are clear signs telling you this. Our little village has it, the only way to tell is to look at junctions if there is a thick white or broken line you stop if not you don't , we stop and look anyway we're weirdo Brits

Actually there was one poster who I think was trying to be derogatory and goady talking about b.o and stuff, but was thankfully ignored by all and sundry. Have they not been on the tube in London next to an overweight sweaty Englishman in a wifebeater vest holding on to the bar whilst you are pressed into their armpit? B.o is universal.

I've also noticed in England there is the odd person who's default is to hate on the French. Because I speak perfect(ish) English with no accent I've had to hear people whinge about 'The French', for me to then pipe up that I am in fact French and they seem to like me just fine. One of those people may have been dh' s sister, I'd been with dh about 2 years and I have a very French name and surname. She was suitably embarrassed. I find there are many, many more who are complete francophiles, who are fascinated by the French and love the culture and food.

"our bins are emptied everyday - Unimaginable! Where is this hygienic paradise?"

Well, ours are actually emptied every day. Aren't yours?

Only eat at:
8h petit dejeuner
12h dejeuner
16h gouter
20h diner

never have more than 3 things on your plate
A bottle of (expensive) wine is adequate for 4 adults over dinner

Have glasses the size of contact lens containers. (you will never find a pint glass in a french shop.)

Do not grow boobs larger than a D cup. (A/B is normal.)

Ship your children off to the creche / nounou at 3 months and go back to work. (Drop them off at 7.30am and pick them up at 6.30pm.)
Send them to grandparents or the centre de loisirs for all of July & August.

If you people think the French drive too fast and ignore le Code de la Route, you will love Italians

Ah yes the great piorité a droite: drivers hurtling out of side roads into main roads. Essential to develop a 6th sense if you want to be more French.

I know some comments are just for kidding and I do realise that stupid jokes about English also exist in France but they're seen more and more as out-of fashion nowadays and are usually made by grumpy old men /peasants / people who haven't travel farther than to the next big city, not by "educated women" as is supposed to be Mumsnet according to surveys ;-)

Ppeatfruit, that certainly explain why you experience this kind of behaviour if you live in a remote villagey aera full of "péquenots" and apparently consanguin iced-wine drinking aristocracy -should have killed them all during the Revolution btw...

Derxa, I'm sorry you had to endure being an au-pair in such a degenerated family as lots of French people actually enjoy travelling in Scotland, specifically to Skye. DP & myself are well aware of Auld Alliance and have been 6th times there, even to John O'Groats and bleak Cape Wrath.

Castleintheair, speaking of generalisation, I've noticed that when English people choose to retire in Provence / live in Paris, they usually stick to english speaking expats and make little / no efforts to speak the local language, let alone to embrace the culture.

Regarding the driving bad habits, I agree totally on that. However, I live in the Stockbrokers' belt & can tell you that it's full of four-wheel drivers who just ignore what is a pedestrian.

And no, we don't have such an institutionalised English bashing like here with the despicable Sun or Jeremy Clarckson...

We were discussing driving in France with our sweet english speaking voisine and when I said I quite liked driving on the right even in a right hand car but couldn't work out why some french drivers drive right up behind you and seem to want to make you break the speed limit. She turned bright red and laughed and laughed.

I'm half French, half Italian but my roots are more strongly in France. I've found this thread hilarious, but I was schooled in England and like to think I have a sense of humour that the French can sometimes, though not all, lack.

Yy to:
banania in a bowl, tartine et chocolat for kids for breakfast.
Looking grumpy and sounding argumentative but just having a normal conversation.
Grated carrot Salad and salted then washed cucumber.
Shouting and being super strict with kids, I like to think I do the lite version where I am strict but my kids know I love them, I'm very affectionate and they don't grow up hating me.
Being slim, virtual food obsessions and snobbery but not putting away a lot of it.
Banging on about holidays. You will listen and feign interest.
Blase attitude to sex and smoking (both should be done a lot, sadly i've given up smoking since les enfants)
The noises that aren't words that accompany every conversation, that video is perfect.
Gainsbourg, my English dh is fascinated by him, I love francoise hardy and Carla bruni too.
The films, music and literature are a place to start if you want to get a feel for being French. Avoid modern pop.
Get a boob job, but it'll be discreet and they'll be small and perfect. Tell no one.
Highlight your hair in the way that is reminiscent of subtle sun lightening, tell no one.
Wear red lipstick or no make up, never curl your hair or wear extensions, that would look like you've made some sort of effort and a massive faux pas. Spent fucking hours on your messy bed hair and crumpled linen thrown together outfit.
Take years to buy or sell a house.
Read how to be Parisian by Caroline de maigret and Anne berest. I gave it to a friend who loves French culture and she was over the moon.

Word

of course it's all very friendly and tongue and cheek..... and many French people are actually able to laugh at themselves once challenged, even if it's not a national sport like here in England.
I know many bi-national families here, which in my mind represent the relationship between the countries : mutual admiration and respect, with amused irritation at the obvious differences.
My relatives and friends usually come with some ready made ideas about the English, but soon embrace all things english once put in contact with them.
I think both countries really have a special relationship..... and I don't detect any real animosity in any of the posts here tbh.

The yellow lines all over the roads in our local town mean priorité a droite. Most locals are certain of this, some are a bit doubtful and visiting Anglais are sublimely unaware. This makes for an interesting situation in the tourist season.
I live in France and I love it most of the time. I have some great friends amongst my French neighbours. It doesn't stop me getting annoyed at the boringness of the local cuisine (tripe and tergoule), the awfulness of the shopping experience, the unhelpful bureaucracy and the frequently expressed attitude that all things forrin are inferior.
There are lots and lots of good things and the peace and quiet and lack of crowds are a winner.

Myosotis Yes, I know that I got into the habit of French-bashing to wind up DH and it's become a bit automatic, I forget that not everyone knows that I'm kidding. I agree with Garlick, though, that it is a mutual thing. DH used to slag off Brits, too. You didn't ever want to be in our house for France v England football or rugby matches.

I actually liked living in France - the bureaucracy was a bit pants and more than a little irritating, but I met some wonderful people. And it is a beautiful country.

And CamelHump has reminded me of the delights of drinking Poulain Grand Arome out of a bowl. I may have to order some...

Of course there are wonderful things about France and french culture.

The ability to laugh at themselves, aint one of 'em .

The French are more than a little snippy about the English I've noticed.

We had a party to introduce ourselves to the village, we stupidly chose a Sunday so the world and his wife turned up and were very snippy about our soup until it was tested out, Then they enjoyed it thoroughly and were very surpised that the "anglais' could cook something good!

this is a great thread. love it

Myosotisbleu, I think this thread is very tongue in cheek. As I suspect is true for most of the contributors to it who live in France (as I do), we wouldn't live here if we didn't like it. A bit. I've lived in many countries and have become immune to the enormous amounts of English bashing that prevails world-wide.

Except for all the little snipy comments all the way through, yeah.

allalone If I flirted back I reckon he'd have me on my back behind the counter FGS!!! It is a little difficult because I only eat white meat at Christmas Now if he and dh batted both ways

Strangelookingparasite This thread (which is about how to be french) is brilliant we all love the french and they all love us "vive le difference!"

Cardi Thanks so much for the link (it really made my day) dh and I were in tears of laughter

I was an au pair in France aeons ago. I'm Scottish so hoped to bond with my family by bumping up the 'Auld Alliance'. The father said, 'Ah yes Scotland, the country where the crows fly upside down to avoid looking at the misery'. I came back home considerably thinner, tanned and very fussy about hair removal. They were especially delighted to say, 'We taught derxa to smoke'.

When driving, do not stop at zebra crossings. Weave in and out of traffic on motorways, and definitely dont bother looking for traffic coming up behind you at speed in the lane youve just weaved into without indicating. This is even more important the further south you go.

Pay for your shopping by cheque.

Eat lots of sliced ham.

frequent your pharmacie regularly

Keep your Carte Vitale on you at all times

Drive especially badly in the summer