How can I be more "French"?

Fill your fridge with drugs - make sure you have something for piles

Ah, yes! You also need a huge selection of medicinal tisanes, and remember that headaches arise from the liver so you should treat them with Epsom salts

Medicines are administered up the bum, especially to children.

And when driving get as close as possible to the car in front of you, using their slipstream and thus saving fuel. If they have a newspaper in the dashboard make sure that you're close enough to their rear bumper so you can read it while driving along and therefore saving yourself 50cents by having to buy your own.

"Rose wine is served with ice"

Not around these parts. It's only my English friends who take ice with their rosé

pratice the phrase "hoopla" and use it when falling over skiing after a couple of vin chauds.

As opposed to shouting "ow, fuck, you ran over my ski you pissed bastard"

MDR = 'mort de rire' (died laughing)

I think castlesintheair must live in my village, she's described my neighbours to a tee.

If you're a man you must wear navy blue polyester overalls at all times.

If you don't live in the French countryside (cf castles above) you must have a safe, perfectly executed haircut. Wear makeup that looks 'natural', the alternative being black eyeliner & red lipstick.

Discuss philosophy and make complicated jokes based on subtle double-entendres. (Nobody will get them over here, mind you!)

Wean your children on steak, garlic bread and Brie :)

Maman That 'discussion' very much depends on how good ones' french is and how strong the accent of the other person is . Though I know what you mean.

I loved the cold caller who went into her spiel in french and then when I explained that I spoke very bad french (deliberately slowly) she said 'Oooh la la' and put the phone down .

I'm French and I must say I love this thread, you lot are so funny

Rose wine is served with ice

Wtf

That's disgusting

Oh and refuse to accept use of the euro - continue to think in Francs and then convert to that confounded new currency.

Ha! My DH and his sisters used to calculate stuff in 'francs anciens'. I was

C'est tres facile a become beaucoup francais

forgette toutes les battles qui les grenouilles lost

pour example -
Le Waterloo
Le Agincourt
Le Crecy

etc etc.

et aussi un smattering of franglas will go une longue distance

First go on strike at a time to cause maximum disruption. Get your hair cut into a stylish bob and do a wardrobe cull before you invest in a few classic pieces. Fill your fridge with drugs - make sure you have something for piles. Take leisurely lunches whilst discussing de Beauvoir and Sartre and shrug a lot. Take your tiny dog for walks but under no circumstances clean up after any mess that it makes, be sure to have a suitable sized handbag to put him in when he is tired. Drink Kir Royale around 7pm and red wine with dinner not forgetting to give a watered down glass to DC.

Never cut the pointy end off cheese when serving yourself - take a long slice from the side.

Cider is acceptable as well as wine in the correct region.

Use vous and tu correctly.

Another tip for men ~ Pee outside as often as possible.

Oh and refuse to accept use of the euro - continue to think in Francs and then convert to that confounded new currency.

Yes Cote Me too . There was a cute 8 month old baby in a supermarket trolley just gurgling as babies do and the parents hissed at it to be quiet. I have a feeling that they have control issues. Their gardens have to be just right NO MAUVAISE HERBES I have an organic garden which they mostly find hard to understand!!

I used to play pétanque half-cut on Pastis

I thought it was obligatory to play it that way??!!!

If you live in the French countryside, as I do, put on a lot of weight and wear very strange clothes. Preferably in polyester. This aids le arôme naturel, particularly at the moment when it is 38°c. Dye your hair aubergine or get a crew cut and severe glasses. In fact abandon all care of your appearance totally.

If you want to make a point, shake hands with someone in your office more than once a day. This suggests you have forgotten you have already shaken hands with them and is highly insulting. It may also suggest that they are very unimportant to you .

These comments made me lol. A lot of truth and some that aren't so right IMO
Eg I find it's impossible to find clothes in white here (not Ivory or whatever shade if white) fir summer clothes, whereas clothes In France have much more colours (even though I found it has changed a bit in the last few years)

The ONE thing you need to learn is to have a 'discussion' ie be able to talk and defend your pov of any subject, show the other person why they are wrong whilst proving you are right. Let the tone go up and up until you feel everyone has fallen out with the others and then have a laugh and think you all had a really good talk (and still be friends if course!)
And of course the other person HAS the wrong otherwise there us no discussion

I've just googled "heavy leg syndrome" and I do genuinely suffer from that.

Silly old British me just thought it meant I spent too much time sitting on my fat arse.

Watch repeats of 'Allo 'Allo and always wear a beret.

Did you MDR, OP?