Fictional characters who could have done with a good talking to

Oh, and Ned Stark. Yes, what a good idea to inform evil scheming Queen you know her children are bastards fathered by her own twin brother, when you strongly suspect she's already bumped off your predecessor for finding out exactly the same thing. Stop being so noble ffs.

Hugh Grant's character in 4 weddings (Charles??)

You choose drippy Carrie (who in turn is a shit to her fiancé/husband) over gorgeous KST, all the while messing duckface around.

Becky Sharp - should have made an effort to actually speak to her husband and son occasionally and not constantly be seeking the next mark.

Maria Bertram - you married for money and now you're cheating on your dim yet kind hubby. Stop it.

Henry Crawford - stop encouraging Maria, you are morally complicit in this.

Mrs Norris - you are unkind to Fanny and a right spiteful kiss-assing bitch.

Angel Clare - judgemental cunt.

Cathy Linton - nuff said.

Mr Norrell - stop depending on Laschelles, he is a bad 'un.

Mrs March - preachy much?

St John Rivers - oh, you self-important twat.

Gilbert Markham - you're not all that. Helen likes you but you need to give her time.

The various men in Bathsheba's life - stop pulling her to bits!

Rosamond Vincy - the doctor shouldn't have married you, he should have married Dorothea.

Mr Casaubon - you shouldn't have got married. End of.

Bellis - you got stolen and shipped out to Armada. Stop sulking and get involved.

Kevin's dad - whoosh. Selective blindness much?

I am enjoying this too much

The entire bloody cast of Turandot.

How many red flags does anyone need?

Yes balloonslayer, quite right about Taggie C-B!

Sue Bridehead needs a stern talking to as well, for entirely different reasons.

Shadowfax - no kicking from me, I felt exactly the same when I had to read Laurie Sodding Lee for O level.

Juno, just nip to the local pharamacy and get yourself some Plan B. Then get on with your life.

Adding to the chorus of "Hermione, just date him for a few months to get it out of your system, then find someone interesting!"

Lear - talk about an egotistical drama queen creating all of his own troubles.

King - that's always been my theory about Cathy and Heathcliff too, |I'm probably just too practical, I mean who picks up stray children on the street and brings them home! of course, they are brother and sister

The two main characters in the Earth's Children series by Jane Auel need to try actually talking to each other about how they feel instead of constantly misinterpreting each others' actions leading to brooding and angst.

That actually applies to 99% of all fictional couples...

linerunner absobloodylutely!!!!!!!

Taggie Campbell-Black. You do realise abusive men don't change, don't you? If he hit and raped his ex-wife, and now he has chosen you - a much younger, vulnerable, inexperienced girl who struggles to read and write - it's not actually a very good sign is it?

My Gone With the Wind character who needs a talking to is Ashley! How wet can you get? He clearly wants to shag Scarlett without marrying her but isn't man enough to tell her that, so instead he keeps her hanging on for over a decade by talk of honour and wanting to do the right thing etc etc.

Anne from the Famous Five. Stop doing the cooking and washing up and tidying just because you are a girl.

George from the Famous Five. Stop pretending you want to be a boy just to get out of doing the cooking and washing up and tidying. Embrace feminism, encourage Anne to do likewise and tell Julian and Dick to do their fair share. Don't just pretend to be a boy and leave it all to Anne.

Mum from The Tiger Who Came to Tea. Look, love, you're fooling no one. The look on your husband's face says it all. You need to seek treatment for your alcoholism before your daughter is damaged by your ridiculous lies.

Dr Frankenstein. So you decided to create a person out of bits of dead people. Did you not think it might turn out a bit on the ugly side? And how did you think your creation would feel when you were repulsed by its appearance and rejected it? Do you seriously think it isn't justified in being angry in being created by someone who immediately rejects it because they haven't done a very good job?

No no, Daenarys keeps saying that to be disingenuous. it just doesn't work on the audience

Melanie in GWTW isn't drippy! Scarlett thinks she is but that's not the point. The point is that there are more ways of being strong and coping than Scarlett's sledgehammer tactics. But I am talking about the book . . . it probably doesn't come across in the film.

Er.... drippy Ann deserved to be picked on. Always crying, so that she didn't have to go and George then had to stay with her. And when George is understandably more than a little miffed when an arrogant public school boy tells her she has to stay and look after Ann (look after her yourself, Julian, she's your sister), Ann then bursts into tears because it's not her fault that she's only a girl. Passive aggressive, whiny, irritating.....

I don't know why the washer woman in the Faraway Tree needs talking to. Tipping water over all the asbo-types who can be found clambering over the tree seems to me rational and appropriate.

The Robin needs a talking to more than any other character in literature. She is infantilised (is that even a word?) all round. I've always suspected that under the angelic face, she was a nun of the most sadistic variety.

Daenerys Targaryen.
No you are not 'just a young girl', you have murdered (both your husband and the woman you burned), led a Khalasar, cheated someone out of an army off unsullied and captured a city - stop with this 'young girl' talk.

And train your bloody dragons, you were doing fine with them when they were little, they used to obey you and then you just stopped, is it any wonder they went of killing sheep, cows and children?

And what a chance you missed staying in Bravos while the whole of Westeross was in turmoil, had you turned up with your dragons Walder Frey would not have needed to be placated and Rob Stark would still be alive. You could have been sitting on that iron throne by now.

The entire cast of Friends.

And Timmy is just a dog, it doesn't really have a Mensa worthy intellect and an unerring instinct to sniff out the criminal classes.

And train him not to eat poisoned meat, every other bloody book you say he won't take food from strangers, and there he goes again.

Miriam in Sons and Lovers - what a wet drip. And Gertrude Morel, let your sons live normal lives, ffs.

I just read the thread and wanted to start with Anna bloody Karenina too.

And the 2nd Mrs DeWinter. My d (12) and I are having a film fest atm where we take it in turns to choose films to watch. Think we were talking about first lines in books and Rebecca came up. But as soon as I said, "God she's such a drip" my d replied dryly "Better not watch that then. You'll just shout at the TV again."

Countess I was thinking of Lord Emsworth then remembered "Lord Emsworth and the Girlfriend" - my favourite short story.

Jeeves.
With your ability you could be earning enough to have your own valet, not running around after Bertie Nice But Very Very Dim and his series of bullying aunts and accidental fiancees.

Melanie in Gone with the Wind. How drippy can one woman be?

YY to Toad and the second Mrs DeWinter

Anna bloody Karenina.

YY to Holden Caulfield being a whingy twat, as is his later ego, Frankie, in "The Member of the Wedding".

Although to be fair, Frankie gets talked to 24/7 yet is still a monster of egotism.

every single person in Wuthering Heights (including the author) needs extensive psychotherapy. A good talking to wouldn't suffice

I read The L-Shaped Room as a teen and was devastated by the story. Now I just want to tell Jane, stop stressing about Toby. even if he was the love of your life you'll get over it. Plenty more fish in the sea.

Myron Bolitar, have a proper bloody drink for God's sake. And admit that the love of your life is not that strangely detached woman who seems to make you miserable all the time, but is in fact Win.

"Anne of Green Gables:"
Jumping in to defend Anne and Gilbert -
Cavendish PEI, where LM Montgomery was raised and wrote her first two books, and the location of the real Green Gables, has a modern population of fewer than 300 people. I doubt that either she or Anne would have considered a city necessary. Or possibly even desirable.
Not to mention the fact that any position for a young doctor in the Canadian Maritimes during that time period would have been hard to come by, let alone one in the very few cities.

Anyway misses point entirely if she had left the neighbours to themselves it would have made for some fairly dull books.