Fictional characters who could have done with a good talking to

Alec. I've remembered.

Late to the thread, but agree with so many, especially Emma Bovary and the cunt that is Angel Clare.

This may be controversial, but Laura and him played by Trevor Howard in Brief Encounter. Stop pissing everyone around with your emotional affair.

Margret in A Cat on a Hot Tin Roof - ok, ok so your husband is rejecting you and that sucks but how on earth do you think being whiny, clingy, needy and just plain irritating is going to sort it, I really don't know... And he bats for the other side anyway so do yourself a favour, ditch Brick and find a nice bloke who actually likes vaginas!

Mary Challinor from Devil's Cub... You have to shoot him to stop him raping you. Two words: "red" and "flag".

Oh, and Snape.

Sorry, but you are 38 and obsessing over someone who died when she was marginally older than your students. As someone who teaches adult students, I'm telling you, that's creepy and odd.

I love this thread.

And totally agree about Donna. I do get why she goes for Josh, and I probably would too, but he is a dick. Somewhere in a parallel universe there's a deleted scene with Donna and CJ. Promise.

Anyway - both Lee and Kara in BSG, but especially Lee. FFS, man, you have a gorgeous woman you've been in lust with forever giving you a chance and your marriage is already down the toilet. Also, Dee is the world's most boring person, and you have a stick up your arse. HTH.

Criseyde in Chaucer's Troilus and Criseyde. Honestly, woman - he's not that much of a catch, he's in love with being in love, and your uncle is a creepy old letch who has shoved the two of you together. Go shag some Greeks and be happy.

sweet pea I'm interested in how your English teacher could possibly think that Cathy and Heathcliffe were anything other than deeply unpleasant and spoilt. The siblings thing does make sense of it but really- nasty pair of users!

And Horrid Henry's parents. Honestly. They need to read the How-to-talk book.

I know they are not in the books, but Charlie and Lola's parents need to do some actual parenting, especially of that irritating spoilt little brat Lola...

Love this!

Jane Eyre - I like her. Can't stand Rochester but at least she managed to say no to that St John whatshishame person.

Angel Clare - bastard of the first order.

Never thought of Cathy and Heathcliff as siblings, but now it all makes perfect sense! Thank you MN.

Leia Organa. HE'S YOUR BROTHER FOR GODS SAKE!!!

RinkRash - genuinely snorted at that! It's so true.

To rinse my brain out after reading the second twilight book, I had a lengthy daydream which involved a worldwide aunt turning up and convincing idiot teenager Bells that ending your life, family & future over a boyfriend is fucking stupid and that she should go off to study in New York, experience the world and fuck a load of different boys and girls. If you still want stalkers glitter boy after that, ok, knock yourself out.

Just about everyone in Gone With the Wind.

Mother in the Folk of the Faraway Tree - for Christ's sake woman, do some parenting.

Rose in Brighton Rock - grow a pair.

And from films/TV:

Ally McBeal - gives me so much rage.

Most of the cast of Friends, particularly Ross (controlling), Rachel (spoiled and whiny) and Chandler (just shut up).

Bella off the Tweenies - I do not advocate corporal punishment, I have never ever smacked my DC, I never will, and I don't generally feel violent towards anybody, but I would totally bitch slap Bella, the bossy, know it all little fanny.

yy linerunner , I believe there is a spin off cookbook though?

Has anyone else mentioned Bella from Twilight yet? Edward isn't romantic, he's a crazy stalker! Also, stop being so damn ungrateful towards your father, he's only trying to protect you.

Professor Umbridge - look I know you've got issues but you don't have to take them out on everybody else, Harry has been through enough already without you giving him grief too. And for the love of God, please get rid of those hideous plates!

Oh Fadedred, couldn't agree more: Mr Rochester, you are rich enough to afford a divorce and a sprinkler system.

Plus, Jane Eyre needs to get her hands on a copy of 'Wide Sargasso Sea'. Wouldn't seem such a catch then would he?

Kay Scarpetta, shut up with the endless descriptions of your Italian cooking. It's just pasta. With some stuff on top.

Temperance Brennan, book version.
She spends book after book after book tying herself in knots over whether or not she should be interested in Andy Ryan. Even while she's dating him - It's ridiculously frustrating. (For me, never mind him. But bless him he keeps trying.) I sometimes want to smack some sense into her. He's definitely a keeper.

Charlotte Lucas. Just don't do it. You are lovely and just because everyone tells you that you are plain does not mean you don't deserve love. The weather will get colder and your husband will have to come in from gardening at some point. You can't keep him out there forever.

Maggie Tolliver's brother - stop being a dick.

Geordi - I find you a bit whiny.

Riker/Troi - I find you a bit smug.

Anya - I don't think you are that kind to Xander.

Buffy - see above, re: Spike-with-soul.

All the women in Charmed - christ, you're annoying.

Mercedes - how could you let Edmund Dante drop out of your life and then marry the crappy other bloke who engineered it. You even let Edmund's dad starve to death - you heartless bint.

Oh and while we're here Mr Rochester, you are rich enough to afford a divorce and a sprinkler system.

Bathsheba Evergreen - you flighty tart! Anyone can see TRoy is a vacuous waste of space.
On the other hand Gabriel Oak is bloody dull and Boldwood is a stalker - move to a town!

Katy Carr: just do what you're told and stay away from the swing.
Cousin Helen: water never cured anything other than thirst. You need a proper doctor, not another bath.
Lady Macbeth: have you tried soaking it in biological washing powder or a bit of bleach?
Constable Peter Grant: Beverly loves you and Lesley isn't your fault, move on love.
Shylock: litigation is not a good idea.
Titania: should have gone to Specsavers.........