Fictional characters who could have done with a good talking to

True, Lottie... But Richard? Hmmmm.

Do we think Rochester was good in bed ?

Thinking about Tess Derbyfield, I actually wanted to slap Tess's parents almost as much as Angel Clare.
They needed an SS intervention even more than the Malfoys.

Eva: please don't have children with Franklin.

Just don't.

Lymond's FWBs mostly seem to come to very nasty ends, Ancient. I think I'd rather go for Richard.

But I love Lymond, though maybe not to live with, just a friend with benefits.

Gwendoline Harleth, you got what you asked for. Daniel Deronda, stop looking down in an existential crisis and do something.

Red Cross Knight , just stop. You have taken about five cantos to go nowhere. Please fade, stop, vamoos and get Spenser to get a nice blue pen and cross out most of it.

Mellors, DTD and leave, find a nice stable job with a normal employer where you can exercise your professional skills. The National Trust is looking for gardeners.

Eek, I adore CCF. Flora is a heroine. Her only failure is to get Adam to use the liddle mop.

Topsy and Tim- they come across as whiny and spoilt, ditto Cousin Chloe in Peppa Pig.
Indiana Jones though LineRunner could definitely do with a good talking to, I'll happily volunteer

Francis Crawford of Lymond - It would take far too long to list all the ways in which you are a self absorbed, self indulgent little shit. Grow up and get over it.

I haven't watched Fireman Sam for a long time (DC bigger now) but I'm glad to hear that Norman Price is still keeping things lively in Pontypandy. :)

Gordon - just because you pull the Express doesn't give you the right to be so pompous to all the other engines.
Norman Price - try to get through one week without causing a crisis. You appear to be the main reason that the Pontypandy fire brigade exists.
Miss Rabbit - you need to get some good union representation, since you appear to do 90% of the work in Peppa Pig world.

Thanks to 2yo DS, these are my main cultural references.

Made it onto Classics, what an honour!
Cassandra, sweetheart, I understand that no one believes a word you are saying, and that makes you mad, but you really really need Agamemnon to take it on board that Clytemnestra does not have your best interests at heart. This could all end in tragedy if you don't find a way to get through to him.
Weasley twins- your parents have sacrificed a lot to ensure you and your siblings get a good education, so you could at least put your obvious intelligence to work at school, sit your finals, and then go into business.
Joe Gargery- being a blacksmith is hard work and an important skill. Stop putting yourself down, stand up to your EA wife and don't take shit from that pompous brat Pip.
Moreta- a few hours rest will not make a difference to the outcome of the vaccination programme, but could mean the difference between life and death for you. Don't ride someone else dragon when you are both so weary, it's not worth it. Go and have a few hours kip.

Indiana Jones, you are actually meant to meticulously record your archaeological fieldwork, not piss about with a whip.

Sir Gawain and the Green knight have a fairly risque act on Saturday nights.

Knights of the Round Table - have you considered the YMCA?

Romeo and Juliet you are 14 for God Sake! Take up a sport or if you must, spread it around.

All of Ian McEwans' early characters need to be tagged rather than spoken to eg. the one who was in love with a shop mannequin.

Molly Bloom - he is very long-winded, find someone else.

Alice (in Wonderland) - stay away from the LSD.

Hester Pynne - I know there's no contraception, but, have you heard of the duck? (duck in and duck out again) or the billings method? they are very sanctimonious hereabouts.

Chiyo Sakamoto (memoirs of a Geisha) - he's a glorified John.

Little Match girl - "come in to the fire".

Lovely, HRH.

Tabitha Campbell-Black. Arrogant, entitled little madam. You may well have had a difficult childhood, but as an adult you do yourself no favours. No favours at all.

Glad someone mentioned Lily Dale. I am just reading the Last chronicle of Barsetshire". Grab John Eames before someone else does!

Ilsa Lund in Casablanca. Just make up your mind love.

Grizel Cochrane - If you don't want to teach music, then don't. You're an adult woman, you can do what you like. Your stepmother is not a very nice woman, but it's time to stop taking your resentment out on everyone else.

Gwynneth Lloyd, aka Matey - Get a life.

Great Expectations a pp already mentioned Miss Havisham but what about peculiar Pip who has social climbing pretensions, what's wrong with Biddy ?(I think that's her name) she's normal and lovely not like cold mad, Estella.

Wives and Daughters, the brilliant Elizabeth Gaskell ; But why make the dopey doctor remarry that pretty but narc. ex governess for god's sake.?
Think about your poor daughter. Oh and her poor daughter.

Frozen video:

Watch this.

So agree about Dr Lydgate, AskBasil. Yeah, you married a really annoying woman. Maybe you could have tried getting to know her a bit first, maybe listening to what she said, rather than just going gaga because she happened to be blonde? It's not her fault you married her and FYI you're just as irritating to her.

Elsa's parents in Frozen = worst parents ever. Locking up your eldest child, the heir to the throne, is not a sustainable (let alone kind) solution to this problem.

ancientbuchanan

Lily Dale. Oh get over it

A million times this ^

I can't believe no one has mentioned Frozen. Grandpa Troll with his 'Fear will be your enemy' shit. Couldn't he have been MORE specific then Elsa wouldn't have been locked in a room for 15 years and gone (understandably) a bit loopy, Ana wouldn't have been isolated and the whole thing could have been avoided.

Why not just say "why don't you teach her to use her powers for good,and definitely don't lock her in her room with gloves on"