Fictional characters who could have done with a good talking to

I'd like to give every single character in Grey's Anatomy a good slap talking to.
Stop with the teenage angst, the shagging each other, the juvenile carry on. Seriously, you're all doctors, you're intelligent professional people.
Stop being idiots.

Pollybloodyanna.

Alicia Florrick: dump your loser DH, shag Will for a while then focus on work and avoid politics and drug dealers.

HAHA grexit :)

And again,

Menelaus, move on from her. Really. She's not worth it. You'll have no end of trouble. Grexit is nothing to it.

DH suggests

Antonio, only go for an undated bond..

I've always wanted, is it, the higher common sense, by Abbé whosit? If a chapter can restore Flora, I need it even more. And I so want to see the bra collection. I once read the description of that awful film with close-ups of suicides and lily-ponds to DSis who was going through an artsy phase and she thought it sounded interesting. I was with the camp of " must have something". And whenever we go round an historic house, we remember the description of the farm, complex, then it all burned down.

Those three sisters. There are three of you, FGS. You won't get raped or lost. Most coaches will get you to Moscow. Book the tickets and JDI. Now.

And while you're at it, pass the word on: apples are a much hardier and more commercially successful crop than cherries.

Touché elephants

Surely "send gumboots". As if Mary would ever visit a farm! Love that book so much.

'Worst fears realised darling Seth and Reuben too bring gumboots'

I'd also like to say to the little Hobbitses - STOP SINGING SONGS AND CRACK ON WITH RETURNING THE JEWELLERY ALREADY. Don't keep acting like martyrs, all tired and rushed and whatnot, and then pause for an epic singalong sesh. Try to concentrate FGS.

Actually, an Ian McEwan fan, here. Great character drawing in his early work, just disconcerting characters.

Briony Tallis, just tell the fucking truth!

1944girl yes I'm still hurt on behalf of poor Sonya about how she was treated. Always the bridesmaid, etc.

Well, if we're talking about Richard Crawford - stop jumping to conclusions and automatically thinking the worst of your brother. He does quite often have good reasons for doing the things he does, even if you're too dim to work out not aware of what they are.

And John and Susan Walker - you're teenagers, you're allowed to rebel occasionally. You've got the rest of your lives to be responsible. Go wild now and again. Live a little.

Wendy from The Shining was great in the book but terrible and snivelly in the film and someone needed to hand her a grip! Though I read this was because the director deliberately picked on the actress and terrorised her until her hair fell out and she authentically looked scared and as if she'd had a stressful time (good one mate.)

Katy Carr- you can get out of bed without drippy old Cousin Helen who has never done it herself anyway helping you, you've got much more gumption than her.

Brave New World's John the Savage needed to be handed a grip. You fancied Lenina and she was going to hand it all to you on a plate and you turned her down then did all that whipping and consternation in front of everyone only to kill yourself anyway???? There were enough drugs and medical advancements in that society to have prevented a psychotic break.

I'll have what HRH's on ^

I have no idea what drugs I'm on. Why did I say orphan?!?!?!?! He isn't.

Good save there!

By the egg of Farenth, you're right HRH - but delighted Nerilka got her feet under the table. Good for you N - that showed your awful father and his little ladyfriend that there was more to you than your looks!
Oh and HRH Neville isn't an orphan, you know, his parents are in St Mungo's with permanent disabilities. But what you said still holds true.

Miss Hale in North and South: just tell Mrs Thornton that you were with your brother when she comes round to upbraid you for your behaviour. And then tell the presumptuous woman to fuck off.

And really? Mr Thornton? Are you sure?

I've never read On Chesil Beach & don't plan to, but I can join in the Ian McEwan hate too...Henry from 'Saturday', no one cares about your special fancy fish soup, and you do NOT need a car to go from Fitzroy Square to your squash game somewhere near Gower St, you can walk it in about 10 mins lazy get

Anne from the Famous Five: when you know a secret, SHUT UP & don't blab it out to the grown ups at the first conversation with them!
Uncle Quentin: if you have a secret paper that is nationally important & took you 3 years to write, lock it in the frigging safe! If you haven't a safe, buy one!
Aunt Fanny: Quentin's a grumpy, selfish git. LTB.

Catherine from Northanger Abbey: Get.A.Grip.

Ann, from Persuasion: ditto!

Neville Longbottom's parents: constant vigilance! Voldemort may have mysteriously fallen at the Potters' House, but his followers are at large. Leave the country until the Lestranges and Crouch Junior have been arrested.

Your lovely son should not be brought up by your mother if you die.

Augusta Longbottom: if all goes to pot and your grandson is still orphaned, take him to Ollivanders for his own fucking wand before he goes to Hogwarts. Do not give him Frank's.

Fadedred In fact, Moreta died on the fardling way back from the last holding. She could have rested so easily!

I think I may have shouted a bit at the book at that point.

Doreen... listen up: Esther Greenwood is a bad friend. I have no idea why you continue to be so kind to her. When you sought her out after she'd abandoned you to that predatory DJ who systematically got you pissed and incapable, she shut the door on you and left you outside in a pool of your own vomit, ffs. Stop with the bringing her soup and lending her dresses and the like - she's only interested in gazing at her own navel and thinks mean thoughts about you constantly.