To be slightly mortified

One of the school Dads is " forrin" and is rather hunky.
I was greeting everyone as they arrived at DD's party and as he walked in one of DD's friends walked in behind him looking lovely in her new dress.
" oh don't you look gorgeous!!" I exclaimed - apparently to hot school Dad.
He looked very scared .

....'sausages'.....???

These are all fecking brilliant!! I have a couple, ahem:

Referring to myself as mummy - more than once - not my kid or not a kid at all. I even did it to dh once "give mummy a kiss". He thought I was being freaky so I just went with it, haha, ew!!

Seeing dh walking down the path, opening the obscure glazed front door and greeting him braless and half naked (the bottom half!) with open arms - only to realise it was not dh, it was the window cleaner.

Using the phrase 'double entry' (to describe 2 diary entries) to my boss in a meeting.

There'll be more too, but these are what leap to mind!

I'm in stitches, you guys are seriously brightening up my day!

These are hilarious, especially Moly which made me spit out my tea. The only one I can offer is one morning instead of saying "Love you loads" to my DS (16) as he went off to school, for some unfathomable reason I came out with "Love you long-time" in a sort of back-streets of Bangkok voice... took some explaining, that one.

*add myself

First MN thread to actually make me cry laughing! Pa pri ka!!!!

sorry nothing to ass myself

DH has reminded me about this - years ago in a seminar, I meant to say the word 'testosterone', but for some reason my mouth wouldn't cooperate and it came out as 'sausages'.

This has had me muffling my laughs on a conference call.

On the tube late (after a few glasses) the couple next to me were getting it on a bit (she seemed less keen) and I accidentally said out loud as I was thinking it

"I really wouldn't he looks dirty" in a real 'Mum' voice

She stopped

By the way I have been crying laughing at some of these!!!

I usually shop with my toddler and keep up a running commentary. The other day I was looking at the bread and saying out loud, 'Oooh bread, what kind of yummy bread shall we get?' and then looked up and remembered that I was shopping alone, and saw a man next to me looking pretty nervous.

*an elderly lady

I was once in town (on my own, but dc's were about 5 and 7 at the time) and an elderly tripped slightly on the pavement. Without thinking I reached forward to catch her arm, whilst simultaneously singing (in a la-di-da voice) "Up again". She was thankfully ok but I still feel like a twat when I think of it.

Shameless place marking

Oh thank fuck its not just me! As I passed another dog walker (older bloke) I blurted out 'no balls' ... went bright red and ran on, lucky we were going in opposite directions

I had once dyed my hair a really bright colour. The window cleaner knocked for payment and I think he was a bit taken aback by the colour. He said 'what colour do you call that?' and for some reason, that I will never be able to fathom, I shook my butt and said 'Pa-pri-ka' in a Mexican accent

I couldn't shut the door fast enough and my DH still takes the piss.

FWIW, I now have dark brown hair

DS was at the toilets in the swimming pool changing rooms. He'd been a while and as he walked back I said "what have you been at you gorgeous boy". How I didn't notice the 6ft plus Adonis between us I will never know. Didn't even see him until Adonis politely said "swimming". Ground swallow me please.

My daughter aged 2 was a bolter. So she was usually on reins but ex had said he would hold her hand and not let her go.

Needless to say, she was free in seconds. As she galloped across to the road I bellowed "DD, where are you off to?" and a woman in front of me suddenly stopped, looked round nervously and whispered "mcdonalds" looking absolutely terrified. You've guessed it, she had the same name as DD.

This has made me laugh out loud!! Hahahahahahahaha - How bloody random!!

Chicken!!!

Working on a checkout once, no customers, so for some unfathomable reason I shut my eyes and started singing (WHY?) I'd like to think it was only for a fraction of a second...anyway opened my eyes to find a customer waiting, grinning ear to ear, saying he didn't like to disturb me.

Many moons ago when I was an eager but very very nervous young graduate, I went for an interview with one of the "Top 4" accountancy firms.

During one of my answers I meant to use the word "hardship" but it came out loud and clear as "hardshit"

I didn't get the job. Can't think why :)

Years ago we were in Austria and met a lovely Welsh family in our hotel with a little boy called Morgan. The first morning they walked into the dining room for breakfast and the little boy ran ahead. The mum shouted "Morgan " in a loud, cross voice and every German speaker thought she was shouting good morning like she was upset they hadn't already said anything! She had lots of looks and a few bemused "Morgen" back!