The cute --weird-- rituals/jokes you do with your DP...

Yes, Norbert, us too – well not Alan Partridge (I've never really got him) but the others all the time.

We also give a running commentary on telly programmes and supply our own stupid vastly superior dialogue.

ah yes Newman and Baddiel/Mary Whitehouse Experience is often quoted here too, along with the Fast Show, league of Gentlemen and Alan Partridge.

I'm working through this thread very slowly, dipping into it, like a box of posh chocolates. It's hilarious.

We have loads, I'm sure, that would look weird as fuck from the outside; but they're so much part of 'normal' life now that I can't think of any ...

Oh, but we do a lot of Father Ted shouting 'Feck/Drink/Women' etc if someone on the telly shouts, or one of us says something and it comes out too loud.

We still occasionally do the 'that's you, that is' thing from Newman and Baddiel a hundred years ago.

HellKitty, we too do the 'How about now?' within a couple of seconds of saying 'no'. thing.

And growl 'Murder' in either Taggart-style Glaswegian or a dreadful Noo Yoik accent: 'Myda!'

We burp competitively and applaud or denigrate each other's efforts.

We randomly speak to each other in various accents.

When we play Call of Duty together we get really competitive and call each other buttface, cuntychops etc.

Rating each others burps.

Making up songs together about totally mundane things.

We're usually totally ridiculous and really awkward, we can't even have sex without spending about an hour laughing at each other, insulting each other and being stupid beforehand. But we know each others weak spot - if I call him honeybun he loves it, and when he calls me 'bach' - Welsh term of endearment meaning 'little one' - my heart goes all melty.

Oh and we try to sneakily grab each others bums in public to embarrass each other as much as possible

This thread pleases me greatly :o

When I'm driving and someone lets me out, DH will always raise his hand in thanks, as if he's a driving instructor or something. It used to drive me batshit crazy, but now I thank everyone who lets him through with a flamboyant (almost nazi style) wave of thanks.

Dry humping while cooking or doing the fire. In fairness that's normally me as DH is very prim about such matters and endures my humping with a face.

One of the dogs calls DH "grandad" as well. She is very bouncy and I accompany her excitement with a chorus of "grandad, grandad, I looove you" :o

Another one I remembered, whenever one of us has a phallic vegetable to hand while cooking we have to gently frot the other's bottom with it. No speaking, no smiling or laughing - it has to be as creepy and furtive as possible.

I also do a thing with DS where, if we're in a lift, we do the Bruce Forsyth muscle man pose. We call it making a tableau. The idea is we have to hold the pose when the doors open without chickening out in case there's anyone waiting for the lift.

We've done it since he was tiny. He's six foot four now and we still indulge

Since we first lived together (nearly 20 years!!) we've always played a game where we hide a random object around the house and when you find it you have to hide it somewhere else. The only rule is it's never spoken about (a la "The first rule of Fight Club..."), which can be a bit annoying if you find a really ingenious place and want to brag about it.
The current object we're hiding is the head of a Ken doll (as in Barbie and Ken!!). The DC play it too now.

Another one is that in our cutlery drawer, as well as a complete set of matching cutlery we have some odds and sods that we try to sneakily get the other person to use. This includes CFF (Cat Food Fork - the cat died about 5 years ago but it's still CFF). I take great delight if DP hasn't noticed until I announce it that he's used CFF to eat his dinner.

DP started one that really embarsses the DC as well as me - if we're all in town or somewhere quite busy but have briefly gone our separate ways as soon as he spies us in the distance he shouts "COOOOEEEEEE!" in a really loud, exaggerated way. We try and stop ourselves from responding or pausing in any way that might suggest he's anything to do with us, which is actually quite difficult as you tend to go to turn round and then wince as you realise you've reacted. Mind you, I'm getting brave as I have been known to do it first before he does which he really wasn't expecting .

Oh, we have an age gap alright.

But mentally we're both twelve, so it works out fine.

Love this thread.

We also like to sing Rocket! Salad! in the style of Def Leppard whenever rocket appears on a menu. And too many League of Gentlemen ones, I have a friend called Mick, who is now always called MickeyLove. Growling "Eee, me nipples are like bullets" is what passes for seduction.

But everything is a song, the more obscure the better, but he always gets it and joins in. Yesterday I had to stop and beep my horn at a bird sat in the road outside the local primary, so obviously we had a round of School Pigeon! Ha!Ha!Ha!Ha! in a Kid Creole and the Coconuts stylee. I can't really imagine being with someone who doesn't get this stuff, which is why I am fascinated by couples with age gaps or completely different backgrounds and how they manage.

We dont do a single thing like this. Am of your marital happiness....

We use lots of quotes from Father Ted, Partridge and Bottom too.

We nicked the "what team?" Chant from High School Musical and replaced Wildcats with our surname when we're about to embark on a day out even the dc join in when we do that.

We also do the cardboard tube thing but we always have to do a trumpety fanfare noise

One of my favourite things is if either of us cuts our finger while prepping veg and the other one is in the house we call "Medic!" as loud as possible to get the other one to come and administer plasters, cups of tea and a kiss if it's really serious
Sounds really lame but we like it

Actually, we often have discussions or explain things "through the medium of..." and as a result DD1 can turn pretty much anything into a song.

Aw, I am properly jealous of you all. DP is silly good fun, and I'm not bad either, but we're clearly missing out!

IsItI
We also have retrospective pube insurance, which is when he wants to squeeze the spots on my back, and I can't hold during the procedure
So then we have an understanding that I can go back for a pluck afterwards if he squeezes too hard

sparechange pube insurance is the best thing I think Ive ever seen

I have one from my friends to add. I witnessed it at a drunken party and have never let them forget it
Friend to her husband "tick tock"
Husband "why it's 11:05 (as in eleven oh five) ma'am" in an American drawl.
Friend laughed like a hyena then husband realised we were there. She confessed they do it to cheer each other up, and the accent varies depending on their mood.

I love this thread! And it will totally out me if DH ever finds it!
Our dog also has a voice - bit like an orphan from Oliver, and she is always playing one of us off against each other ("mummy I is so hungry, please feeds me, daddy has been starving I again, please") to accompany her puppy dog eyes.

We have a concept called 'pube insurance' where if he wants to squeeze my spots, I grab a handful of pubes and tug them out if he squeezes too hard and it hurts.

We have a bedtime routine which involves me doing a 'sexy dance' while I get undressed, which is the least sexy thing you can imagine. Sometimes this turns into a lapdance where I make imaginary nipple tassles out of my index fingers and waggle them at him.

The way to initiates sex is by sighing and saying 'come on then, let's get this over and done with'

We have songs for everything. If he asks me to back up the car, he gets a rendition of Boom Shake the room ("Yo, back up now and give the brother room")

I'm going to stop now before I embarrass myself

If one of us makes a gesture or sound to describe something, the other will say "How does it go?", and the first will have to repeat the sound or gesture.

We do the Simon's Cat sign for hungry too.

We freeze mid kiss, and see who is the first to move/laugh etc. Or each open our eyes so we are staring at each other as close as we can get.

We can have whole conversations, and understand each other perfectly just by making little humming noises.

If one of us hiccups or burps, there is a race to see who can say "Oi!" and pull a cross face first. Whether or not you are the person hiccuping etc. If the non-hiccupper gets there first, the hiccuped has to say "What? It wasn't me" in the most aggrieved tone.

Toe cuddles. If one or both of us have our hands full, we will gently stand on each other's toe.

When first dating my now DH, apparently on two successive days I pointed out big dogs while we were driving or walking together and said, in an impressed voice, "Big dog!" The third day, I wanted badly to keep this up (dunno why) but only a medium-sized dog was forthcoming. I said, in the same impressed tone, "Medium sized dog!" Now everyone in the family says it when they see a dog, regardless of the dog's size. Like others, looks naff written down!!

Whoever did the speaking into cardboard tubes, we do that too. The first time dh did it he said "LUKE I AM YOUR FATHER" and I laughed so much (coming down the stairs) I fell down and knocked myself out.

We also have the code "HIU" or "honey, it's us" which I think came from Friends and is used whenever we experience bad luck - which is frequent. When we stayed in a hotel across the UK, it was hosting a conference of teachers from our DD's school. I have just returned from a caravan site where DD's class teacher was ^on the neighbouring pitch". HIU.

We have code brown/yellow re nappies....

We sing the banjo tune from Deliverance Day if we see someone suitably hillbilly/inbred

I love this thread!

OH and I have loads.

We always end phone calls in a battle as to who is ending the call, like "Ok, I've got to go now..." and the other person is like "Sorry I didn't hear that but I have to go so I'll talk to later..." this can go on for some time.

We also both hate duck and down pillows and have a theory that every bed, hotel or at a friends house, has one pillow that is less prestige that the rest and think its hilarious to swap this pillow to each others side each time one of us is out of the room. That pillow also has a specific name which is the same everytime.

Also, If we can't discuss a certain topic on the phone because of who we are with at the time, we say "yeh yeh yeh" so the other person knows.

There are lots more but these are the least embarrassing!

Eliza, I remember I can I can't! I have one from the League of Gentleman too. Whenever I buy a can of coke, I call it an I can I can't and then say in an incredulous voice "a pound for a can of coke??" which the old DJ guy once said on LOG.

Nobody gets the second reference, but they do sometimes screw their forehead up and tell me that the can of coke isn't £1. That's my in joke just for me!

I never want this thread to end!

I was in Sweden in my Gap Yah. When you are standing at the bottom of an escalator eg in a railway station, they will be labelled either UPP (up) or EJ UPP (ot up) which sounds a bit like "hey up" in a generic northern accent. So obviously DB and I (also DM, and DF under sufferance) now greet each other with "ej upp" pronounced "edge up".