The cute --weird-- rituals/jokes you do with your DP...

I am actually wetting myself and making weird wheezing noises at Sossidge 7th April 19:10:42

And when I spend hours on Mumsnet DH sits really close to me and gets right in my face and sticks his bottom lip out in a sad, pathetic 'pay me some attention' stylee and says 'It's not fair. i've got nowhere to go.'

This translates as 'I'm bored and I don't belong to any internet forum/community/pub type thing' and I tell him that the internet is a big place with lots going on and to go and find somewhere of his own to go, and leave me alone

Our dogs are called the Gits. It's short for doggits.

Me and DD2 have our own club. It involves us talking to each other in really bad Eastern European accents

coco Do you know my DH and his brother? They do this too - a sort of mock Russian. It's been going on the whole time I've known them, 24 years. The first five minutes of any phone call with his brother are conducted thus.

GoadyFuckAaargh
^love Francine! grin
however did that come about?^

Damned if I can remember after nearly 24 years!

Thank you yes and goady. Didn't want to bring the thread down but it does really show up the misery of an unhappy marriage.

We also have the Friday Dance which is the little dance my DH does around the bedroom while getting ready for work on a Friday. It's accompanied by a little song he made up called 'it's the weekend.'

The lyrics go:

It's the weekend, it's the weekend
(DH) and (Crossfit) insert our names
On our own now
In our home now
It's the weekend

Sung to an annoying tune, in a silly voice. I'd say he's been doing this for about 18 years or so.

what a great post! and lovely to acknowledge those who felt rather sad reading the thread.

I must say that I have had some right wankers and a few years ago I would be devastated reading this - envious too.

This thread is lovely. It's very touching and a real reminder that relationships should enhance your life, unlike the awfulness of the bad and abusive relationships we see daily on MN.

DementedMa and Yummytummy I can see how painful it would be to read though and I feel for you and wanted to acknowledge your posts. Im sure that for the majority of us, these good relationships were not our first. I met my DH when I was very young but involved with a very nasty bastard indeed. The timing was awful but it's a reminder that the right person could be jut round the corner. And I do believe there is a right person for everyone.

I also think that the majority of people realise how lucky they are to have met the right person. My health has gone to shit in the last few years so I am truly grateful, on a daily basis, that I still have DH, and that we can still laugh every day, even though i have lost my health, job, income, independence etc. Love is the source of our happiness after all and I sincerely hope love and happiness comes to you soon, and anyone else who doesn't currently have it.

i apologise for the probably badly phrased and mawkish interlude.

When one of us does or doesn't do pretty much anything the other refers to it in this manner "I find you a not wanting to make the coffee/go and buy Pringles/make the bed kind of a person."

We make up offensive ditties about each other's mothers and pretty much anything else that comes to mind.

We speak several other languages appallingly badly to each other.

He gets me to pull his finger every so often to "build up trust". On about every 10th time he farts and we are back to square one.

We always look at the takeaway menu but order exactly the same dishes to share.

We have loads too -- some we don't even need to say anymore: we just look at each other and laugh, because we each know what the other is thinking.

I do have a fictional toyboy called Rocco, with whom one day (when he's grown up) I will bump off DH. If ever I have made an effort with my appearance it is assumed that it is for Rocco's benefit.

If we ever go to the supermarket together (not often now) we pretend to bicker outrageously all the way round. Someone once told DH off for the way he was speaking to me, and was most confused when we both collapsed into giggles. It's why I'd be very wary indeed about interfering in others' relationships.

We have a version of the Sunday morning face but it's gradual. Every time I look round he's just a bit nearer.

We also refer to our early morning coffee as 'he.' So one of us will wake up and say 'where is he?' which means 'I hope you are doing it this morning.'

Sometimes my response to this question is 'He is still in the tap.'

Then, the person who eventually gets up and makes the coffee gives it to the other one and says 'Here he is.'

We have a kissing thing for when DH goes off to work each day. First on the forehead, then on the bridge of my nose, then on the lips. He gets very annoyed if I don't remove my glasses so he can reach the bridge of my nose unimpeded, or if I try to hurry it along by skipping a step or going out of sequence.

This has been going on for years.

We also have an Easter island head garden sculpture only ever referred to as "The Head" who comes in during winter and is decorated with hats, eyewear, fake moustaches etc whatever takes us on a whim. He spent last winter in skiing goggles and a shower cap. He also moves around the garden at random. When we moved house four years ago we managed to convince my then 4 yr old he'd moved from the old house under his own steam by moving him up the garden a couple.of inches every day Monty python style

Dh and I say "shut the fuck up" to each other last thing at night. Lovingly.

We have a spooning song when were cuddling in the spoon position. Its sung to the tune of "moving" by supergrass.
Spooning. Just keep spooning, till my bum gets sweaty and I have to turn away"

Whenever one of us leaves the toilet the other one will enquire, "textbook?"

Also sometimes me leaving the bathroom will happen to co-incide with my husband and children passing the door. When this happens my husband will pretend they've gathered to to celebrate my toileting, and will sing a little song to congratulate me on a successful wee or shower or whatever.

When one of us says something entirely normal, the other will repeat it as though it was a filthy double entendre, e.g. "Do you want a biscuit?" "Yeaaaaah you can eat MY biscuit"

love Francine!
however did that come about?

"Hugs On Demand" one of us, early on, demanded (jokingly) the other stop doing something and hug, because really, being each others i stant hug on demand resource was the real point of marriage. We still walk up and say "hug!" and get one.

"Francine" our rather useless imaginary maid. Lazy girl never did any work, leaving it up to us to have to make the bed, put away laundry, gather the newspapers for recycling. She generally got the blame for the sort of housekeeping tasks that were easily ignored until there was a real backlog. Discussing firing her usually devolved into joking about how useful she was for 'other' tasks (wink, wink) that each of us secretly enjoyed with her, and maybe we should have a threesome? But first we had to do her housework, then find wherever it was she was managing to hide herself in our mansion 4 room house .

These are all fabulous - this thread should go into Classics
We have a few repeatable ones - lots of quotes from Blackadder but mainly "SAUSAGE!" said in the style of Dr Johnson, anytime a sausage is mentioned.
One of our most enduring ones stems from both of us having a childhood of being taken on rare and much-hyped days out, mainly on Bank Holidays on the same day as the world and his wife, so 90% of the day was spent sitting in traffic jams. Whenever we go anywhere in the car and hit a minor patch of traffic, or even have to wait behind another car at a junction, we say "is this the queue for Legoland/ikea/the moon?" etc - the earlier in the journey the funnier it is to us
We also have a small figurine of Dr X who gets hidden in random places round the house. I think the dog started this particular ritual but we've joined in her game and use it to amuse ourselves now. He's currently residing in a hanging basket in the garden.
If we have anything that is slightly damaged in any way we exclaim "it's RUINED!" with dramatic wailing and sobbing. Best reserved for things such as a speck of dirt on a shoe, or a fingerprint on a glass.

Just remembered two sex-related ones... he's always wishing I would take my knickers off in the middle of the day, or go outside naked. His way of expressing this is to say: "I'm just putting a wash on" or "It's nice and sunny out".
He could get away with saying this in front of my mum really couldn't he, as she wouldn't have a clue that's what he means.

Just remembered a dancing one.

When the music starts one of us will put a hand out to the other and say, "How long has it been since we danced together?" and the other will take the hand and reply dramatically, "Hours".

You'd think after 19 years together we'd have loads but I can't think of much. Most of ours are things like quotes from films/TV series/songs.

Like 'Spaced' quotes: "are you ready? I was born ready Timmy. Yes but are you ready now? Er.. yes!"

When stretching the washing line across the garden both of us HAVE to re-enact Doc Brown in Back to the Future when the wire won't quite reach.

Also we always say "Shall we? Let's" when getting ready to go somewhere. I don't even know what that's from!!!!

Also if lifting anything heavy together one of us has to say 'PIVOT' like Ross from Friends.

Sure there are more but I've probably stopped noticing them after all this time.

Remembered more-

If I am down or in a sad mood he will get his bum out and shake it as fast as he can! Makes me laugh every time seeing his tiny little butt jiggle furiously.

If I have a serious face on (natural bitchy resting face) he will do a silly smile and voice and go "let me see it, let me see that smile!" to make me laugh.

Randomly one of us (usually me) will stick our belly out ready to bounce bellies with the other. It usually happens in the kitchen.

I do a weird happy dance and sometimes and he always has to copy me so we both look ridiculous crazy dancing.

DP and I "butt kiss" - we snuggle in bed but when it is time to sleep we turn our backs to each other and our bums touch, so we rub our bums together and make kissing noises when he is working away last thing at night we text each other saying "butt kiss"

Every night he makes me walk upstairs before him so he can look at my arse. He always goes "phwoar!" or "that butt!" or something along those lines. I always tell him to stop looking at my fat butt!

Like several other posters we randomly touch each other's bums/butt cracks and do a silly giggle noise.

When we are on the sofa if one wants to snuggle they'll say to the other "incoming" so the other has to be immediately ready for a squishy cuddle.

There's loads more weird stuff we do but those are the main things I can think of!

bodleian we have imaginary future pets as well!
We are a bit obsessed with naming animals. If we are out in the park and see a dog, one of us has to point it out and name it. Unless it is the same type as one of our future animals. So all French Bulldogs are called buster, all Staffies are Truffles and all labs are otters.
It can be muddling for children...