The cute --weird-- rituals/jokes you do with your DP...

Oh, there are also many jokes about our rats in inappropriate places or being visible, because we're so mature

Especially if DP has his nightgown on over PJs and one of the rats has climbed inside, he likes to whip it open and ask how I like his rat

We have a spleen thing. I don't know why but sometimes we say "I spleen you" or "spleeeeen" in a funny voice. I have a big spleen cuddly toy now

We have stupid made up songs and dances. We sing "I am the music man..." Song but instead of an instrument we pick up a dog or cat and play them like a guitar meow meow meow.

DP is over a foot taller than me and I give him kitchen piggy backs with a song while he fears for his life.

No, you are not the only one, I'm not going to go into great details because it's really embarassing but...
me and dh have our own language which includes made up swears and insults.
DS1 made up "silly bump" to describe someone doing something stupid or naughty so when the children misbehave I threaten to sing "bump the elephant" but replace elephant with their name. It works!

At night we'll lay in bed to sleep and just before I put earplugs in he says goodnight and I'll reply "Night, don't let the bed rats bite." and "nip" his belly with my hand It started as a joke and it's become tradition now

On the rare occasion that he has a lay-in, I take one of the [pet] rats in to wake him up when I think he's had a long enough lay-in.

If I pull my eyebrows up and top lip up to reveal my teeth DP breaks down into hysterical laughing, so I often do it when he's on the phone to his mother or on skype when gaming and put my face right next to his.

We occasionally start insulting each other for no reason, but it has to be creative insults. Thanks to Mumsnet I generally win

We'll text each other something that makes no sense by using the predictive word function, so if you write a letter and see what word appears, then just keep clicking the next word that appears.

If the answer to something is "yes" then it's said "Yeeezz?"
This stems from a game we play where when we're on a car journey we have to attempt to make words from the three letters at the end of a reg plate.

When we're heading to bed for fun, as soon as one of us is naked the other says "Oh, did you trip and all of your clothes fell off?" Every bloody time. I really don't know how that happens Usually it's DP saying it to me as somehow I'm always undressed first

We also talk from the rats POV. They all have different ways of speaking.

I love 23-19

Creepy Toby is brilliant, cackling at that!

oh lots of things, too many to list really.

Some of them:
Bed privileges, first person to bed gets the choice of space.
'loves' where you touch the other person with the tips of your fingers. Don't even need to say the word. Poke more and more insistently until the other person responds with the same gesture.
We also play a miming game called 'what am i?' which can be literally anything. Armadillo, Stick, Fish, tree. This morning Husband mimed being a fire.

*has to be sung

Every theme tune has sung.

Wee is called 'piggly wiggly' as in 'I'm going for a piggly wiggly'.

We're always pretending to be asleep to each other, then the conversation has to go like this;
Me pretending to be asleep
DH whispers: Are you asleep
Me whispers: Yes
DH whispers: Are you awake
Me whispers: No

When one of us is on the phone, the other one pretends to die or get injured on the floor in horrendous ways. Yesterday when I was on the phone to BT DH shoved his balls in the vacuum cleaner (not on or plugged in) and pretended it sucked them off by tucking all the junk between his legs.

There are lots more but they're so normal to us now that I can't really think of any...

We like to pretend argue about things such as how disgusting the cup of tea he made me is, or how smelly I am, or how we are ruining the ambience of the room by just breathing the shared air.

The dog has an attention seeking voice of a four year old with a lisp and likes telling us that he is a good boy.

We pull angry faces to "think hate at" each other or nice faces to "think love at" each other

Oh god, we play mini golf competitively. It's not a joke, it's serious. We even have a cup, it's plastic and is the WestEast and DP Cup 2015. It's currently 5-4 to me.

We have lots of ongoing competitions - who gets the last squeeze of toothpaste out of the tube, who spots an EasyBus first (i called one when we were passing a bus stop, after a run, with headphones still in - it came out a bit loud).

We sing lots of songs, sometimes we make up our own tunes (not very well) mainly, we sing along to songs and TV themes. Our songs can get a bit sweary.

We play, "Whoops there go my jammies" in the morning and often discuss how successful it would be as a stage show and how it could be staged (old fashioned British farce, but lots of different genres appear).

I feel at home here. DH says it's a sign of intelligence to make up games and songs, obviously, I called him a stupid poo head.

We regularly change into a very bad Russian accent and have pretty bog standard conversations.
I got the key , I got the secret.
We hide from each other, jump out, making the other shit themselves. My favourite it to hide behind the bathroom door whilst DP is brushing his teeth (electric toothbrush blocks out noise of footsteps) and wait in the dark for him.
We chest bump our achievements. Delicious dinner? That deserves a chest bump.

1st of the month happens here too, with hits with sticks for being so quick and slap on the eye for being so sly. The end of the month is a bloodbath if I lose the 1st of the month....

Me: Bluebells - look bluebells. No looooooook BLUEbells.
Him: No they are daffodils.
Me: are you sure....?
Him: yes bluebells are well blue

He tickles my knees when it is not appropriate - funerals, weddings, parents evenings.

Food has odd names - compost & worms, fried lice, deep fried spiders, fried skin, slug slime, moo juice

If we make each other jump or didnt realise one of us had walked in the room we say" oh you should have worn squeaky shoes! " in a posh lady's voice. It was a line in some old film DH watched once.

These are fun
We have loads too. One being that if one of us is nude, the other sings the Benny Hill theme and has to chase the naked person to smack their bottom.
We are strange

I am properly laughing at this thread.

Most of ours are too outing but one of our favourites is to talk very earnestly in front of other people about the zombie apocalypse and how we would defend ourselves. We also have an ongoing joke about chickens.

This thread is awesome!

If you've nearly finished, or are enquiring if the other has nearly finished, the correct terminology is "my knees hurt" and "how are your knees?" respectively. This is a reference to The Office Series Two.

These are hilarious.
We love to stick a finger (through clothes) into the other's butt. Particularly in public places like on the escalator at tube stations or when the pokee's hands are full.

We also love to shout in supermarkets things like 'Darling, do you need another tube of anusol?' Or 'I noticed your were out of vagiclean, dear, shall I pick some up?'

We say 'mmmm' in a mock delighted voice of the other is eating something crunchy. This has been shortened from the original of, 'mmmmm that sounds delicious!!'

We make up elaborate stories about the cats, have numerous 'Me, myself and Irene,' quotes and any accent the other tries to do is always Argentinian.

ours are mostly from alan patridge.

Whenever see we see an ambulance/policecar/fire engine we always sing "Calling da police WHOOP WHOOP WHOOP" (from a goldie looking chain song? yes i am ashamed)

We "wowl" each other. Involves pulling your eyelid and bottom eyelid apart and looking like an owl (no idea why)

they're the two we do most often.

We do the got the key got the secret one too ChrisQuean

Whenever he gets back from the gym, he makes me feel whichever part of his body is pumped - sweaty mits (man tits in our house) [hmmm] So as payback, whenever I get back from a run I shout 'sweaty boob towel' and rub my sweaty boobs in his face

I also repeatedly call him 'Dave Darling!' with in American accent like the money supermarket advert.

Whenever one of us leaves for work we do a chest bump and the one still at home has to press themselves up to the back door window, the one outside then proceeds to mime twisting nipples or something else ridiculously silly.

If he disagrees with something I've said then he says 'you know nothing' and I add on 'Jon Snow'

Glad we're not the only weird ones

Every evening: the cat is DH's 'girlfriend' and I'm jealous. Can't watch TV unless the cat has taken possession and I've had a strop. We've even delayed starting watching films until she's woken up and hobbled over to his bit of the sofa.

We also have the mortal pinch punch attacks, which have gone below the belt now that DH has trained DS (4) to be his stealth advance troop and get me under the guise of a good morning cuddle.

If either of us does something, and the other thanks them, we say: 'I might as well, I've done everything else ' in a massive attack of martyrdom

We like to bellow "Morrrrrrdoooooooo" in a scottish accent from Brave every time we hear someone talk on the telly in a broad scottish accent