The cute --weird-- rituals/jokes you do with your DP...

He also tells me stories about two characters called Farty Cunt and Trumpy Minge and their adventures.

When Red Dwarf is coming on we hum and flap our feet together in time to the music and if one of us fucks up they're in the Books

We have words and phrases we say. like 'shower' for some reason has turned to 'I'm getting in the shower shower'.

God there's loads but I can'r even remember any now because they've just become bog standard

you lot are weird, DH and I only do normal things..

..like solving arguments by who can make the best impression of a silverbck gorilla

..making up theme tunes for everything, and singing them (with actions) whenever that thing is mentioned

..inventing new tv shows based entirely on puns of the titles of existing tv shows

see very normal behaviour

I am also only allowed to bite dp on a monday

We have 'dance offs' and rap to each other.

We have alter egos called Jan and Ken who refer to each other in a broad Yorkshire accent as 'my 'usband' and 'our doris'

We have lots of complicated handshakes.

When having a cuddle we try to poke each other's belly buttons. We also run our hands under the cold tap til they're freezing before then going in for a cuddle and sticking aforementioned freezing hands up the others top.

We do the 'Boop'!!!
But we call it 'fingerbums' and has to be done surreptitiously when the other one is bent over a supermarket chest freezer or something. The other shouts FINGERBUMS and runs off.

We talk through the medium of soft toys.

We do a Simon's Cat impression when the other is eating/drinking and not offered it. (sort of point to own mouth and say miaou)

Alcohol is offending "Can I offend you" "what sort of offence would you like" "I'm not offended enough" and then "my glass is broken" ie empty.

Randomly call out "spunktrumpet" "wanker" etc for no reason.

Hide in the understairs cupboard and jump out shouting "rawr" when the other one walks by

If one of us makes a comment that sounds like a song lyric we work it to death bringing the rest of the song into the conversation but never mentioning the actual song title.

these are great.

When we are out, dp and I refer to each other as beth and denis. (to strangers) when they ask how we met or what we do, we have to make something up, denis takes the first part of the story and beth takes the second.

we also have a weird beth and denis hug which requires both of us leaning to our left with arms outstretched and wrapping ourselves around each other.

beth and denis rock

Ummm,we have loads but some are too embarrassing to post

We have a supermarket song, we have our own language in squeaks-3 in a particular tune for 'I love you' etc, we chase each other up and down the stairs in a certain way, we play yellow car spotting, we have our own dances for certain times, we have Sunday morning brunch together, there are many more. I can't add more detail as they would sound insane!

We 'Boop' each other (finger inserted in clothed bum crack, usually whilst in a shop, and shout 'Boop')

'Chink' glasses, forks, sandwiches, crisps.

If he looks at my boobs when I get dressed, I call him a boob looker. See also any number of things like spoon licker, bladder pusher, bum touched etc.

I'd one says they need a wee the other had to try to press their bladder.

Variations of pin the tail on the donkey / put some sellotape on the fridge from Bottom.

Endless songs. Whole conversations in the form of songs.

For some reason we slightly change the titles of the programmes we watch on telly. For example house of cards = house of face. And game of thrones = thrones of death.

We like to talk to eachother in song... A LOT.

We sing "Who wants a lovely cup of teaaaaa?" to the tune of Who Wants To Be A Millionaire?, to which the answer is "Iiiiii dooooo!".

We call each other and any other close family/friends Dave.

When DH is getting dressed he puts his pants fast on so that his penis makes a 'thwap' sound, purely for my amusement.

Oh this makes me sad, I can't think of anything that me & DP do like this!
I'm hoping there are some and they've just become normal to me...off to rack my brain to think of something

oh. I meant 'is the winner'. durr.

oh dear lord.

Martin from Homes Under the Hammer and his two coats. we love him and like to imagine his OK Magazine-style life except he lives in a tiny hovel.

in the middle of foreplay whoever says 'do you like that?' in Alan Partridge's voice they are the winner.

he calls me by my last name in the style of a 70s bent copper. I call him 'handsome' in a Cockney accent.

we shout inappropriate things in shops. it's pure brinkmanship...

I love us but suspect we are deeply annoying...

Oh this has made me feel so much better, a lot of what we do I can't say because we do it in front of other people and it would out me.

But we sing songs to each other changing the words to fit what we're doing.

The dogs talk and have their own accents and attitudes, girl dog is a bit stuck up, boy dog has a lisp.

Supermarkets
'HELLKITTY DO YOU NEED FANNY PADS???'
'No thanks but your pile cream is on offer.'

If the cat is between us in bed then it's DPs furry force field to stop any of my saucy nonsense.

'How about now?' Within a couple of seconds of saying 'no'.

Any 'yoof' with low slung jeans has the, 'looking like a fool wit your pants on the ground', song sung at them.

Anyone dressed ridiculously has 'Look at those bad boys'.

The shed turns into the shed from The Fast Show. Peas with a meal are 'cheesy peas, now in strawberry flavour'.

We do our happy dance when we're happy. I do Legs 'n' Co, he does Shakey and together we do The Brotherhood of Man.

Everything is a misheard song lyric.

No one else understand us

Er, yes. We have had them for years and I will mention the less embarrassing ones here. We change the beginning of words like 'kisses and cuddles' to 'risses and ruddles' - I have no idea why and it looks so odd written down.
WE have loads of ridiculous phrases that we use - some from TV that we picked up and some that we've made up ourselves.
We are all 'goats' in this house - ie , 'where are the goats' ie, the children. We call the cat's paws 'goat paws'. I could go on but the men in white coats could be coming any moment...
I can't believe couples don't have these 'in jokes', we've been together nearly 22 years and had some almost from day 1!!!

Love this thread! Ours are awful.

All nouns now have "pops" on the end since we inexplicably started taking the word "pops" onto the end of our baby DS's name... Hoping we'll both 'grow out' of that one soon as it's quite cringey and embarrassing. Milkypops. iPadpops. Dinnerpops... Ridiculous!

We cheers eachother properly every time we drink anything. We often cheers food too... e.g. 'clinking' ice lollies together and saying cheers before eating.

We look at eachother with an exaggerated sad face and say "meeeeeeeep" in a sorrowful way if one of us mildly offends the other.

We always force the other one to sniff the baby's bum when it's already obvious there's a poo in the nappy... pretty sure a lot of parents do that one though...?

We have Sunday Morning club when we have time for a leisurely breakfast and a slow start to the day.
We talk through the dog and also through a very old stuffed bunny that belonged to DS2

I feel better about us now

We talk in dodgy Aussie accents and refer to each other as Neville and Nevillia in the style of Eric Bana in the film Chopper.

Our cards (birthday, Valentine's etc) are always signed with 'love you with all my heart, even the bits I'm not using'
Can't remember why now but it still makes me smile.

We have many, pinch punch, 'your Mum doesn't know where the library is' and 'come and eat children'

My Mum mentioned (in passing as part of another story) how she pretends to be a bear when my Dad puts her bedtime drink next to her in the dark.