The cute --weird-- rituals/jokes you do with your DP...

Ahhh I'm away from my dp for a few days and I miss him.
Alan Partridge yes of course.
"Badges? badges? we don't need no stinking badges."
ANYthing he can make a quote/lyric he's soooo much better at that than I am

Didn't Death Race 2000 (old video nasty) have a race where drivers got point for running over various people - old people, teenagers, prams etc?

DH & I also sing along to songs & theme tunes using only 'bingle beep' as the words. It's brilliant. We should go on Britain's Got Talent

Sometimes when passing each other we say "you facking cant " in an aggressive, strong cockney way a la Danny Dyer

Alan Partridge quotes are a huge part of our life too

Eg anytime we hear a mention of Stoke: "Lynn, some of these people have come from Stoke" etc

If we are out driving and an old person/ mobility scooter/ person with 6 dogs crosses the road, DH and I will try to be the first to shout "50 points!" The easier the thing is to hit, the more points you shout out, so a young cyclist might only get 10. The DDs are shocked by this but we think it stems from our 1980s teen years where all video games involved knocking into things for points.

Any possible inneuendo in conversations we try to be the first to spot. The first person to spot it has to say "said the actress to the bishop". Bonus points if our teen DDs say "Ugh, gross!"

We also have bottom pinching contests. If one walks up the stairs in front of the other we pretend not be noncholent and not trying to avoid being pinched. The one behind has to try and pinch the bottom of the one in front but without running to reach them. At home this frequently descends into fights with washing up water or wet sponges. If we are in public, the bottom pinching has to be surreptitious and unnoticed by all but the DP .

We've been married 21 years and I swear we get more infantile the older we get. I cannot imagine what we will be like in another 20 years!

Forgot to say "using the tube as a megaphone". Sure that makes it a lot clearer...

We have a thing about long cardboard tubes (paper towels, cling film etc.). Whenever you get one, you have to find the other person and say something ridiculous in a rousing la-di-da voice. DH's last one was a brilliant Rex Harrison-style "Why don't the English....learn how to speeeeeeak?".

I'm already plotting my next move...

Ha Sossidge!! Not sure that dh likes her either.... just google image searched her myself as couldn't remember what my boobs namesake looked like....
cracking pair to be fair to her, mine def don't live up to the name, especially these days!!!

The once magnificently named Southern Counties Agricultural
Trading Society had a branch near us. It became traditional to say 'I'm off to SCATS' followed by apologetic cough with hand over mouth and a furtive snigger.

Also DH is always wanting his back scratched and says 'What is it that's causing this itching, is there a spot etc...?' Now I get in first 'OH MY GOD, what's THAT???' He always tells me to fuck off. And we laugh.

DH is loving this thread too!! Reading it in bed separately..... def needs to be in classics.....
Favourite one so far is "you may filate me" thought might be one of my friends as her dh is similarly hilarious ;)

Feelpants, he doesn't even like her! Haha! I can't remember how it started, but she a not even famous anymore. He did it yesterday for the first time in months, when I asked him to google something really dull for me, he seemed to be typing with too much enthusiasm, and I said 'you're going to show me fucking LinzziiiDawn McKenzie aren't you?' Just as he proudly turned the laptop screen to face me.

If one of us calls the other from somewhere in the house, we shout

"Chaka Demus?"

And the other replies

"Yes Pliers?"

Which in think came from DH calling me chick, which became chickadee, which became Chaka Demus....you get the picture. But now it's interchangeable

Oh thank goodness, we are normal!

Brilliant thread!

We make farty noises as an expression of love. He who makes the best, most accurate farty noise loves the most. Our almost 3yo ds has started doing it too

We voice that cats too, boy cat is a stoner duuude and girl cat is an uptight princess with psychopathic tendencies.

We speak with a broad somerset accent at any opportunity, especially fun when having fake arguments about "the farm" and whose turn it is to plough "field 4" in public.

Where is the poster who in a previous similar thread said she and her DH said 'BAB' in a robot voice to determine where each other was in the house?

Not me, but my husband does similar. If I am in a different room, he will give a little 'peep' every few minutes or so. We call it his 'radar' and its sole purpose is to inform me that he is not dead yet.

This is such a gorgeous thread - that insight into the rare, private truths of a relationship rather than what the outside world sees.

I act (local on stage) but I am shitter than shit at accents. Dh will always shout (not when I'm on stage!) 'It's Welsh! Is it Welsh?' No matter what accent it is. Whenever he helps me learn lines he always reads the other characters with really ooo-aaaarrr bumpkin west country accents (we live in Devon but don't have the accent. If we did I'd probably just sound Welsh.)

I am also great at impressions - but one time only. Literally the first time I do a new impression it will be spot on. I will never ever come close to sounding like the subject ever again in my life. Whenever I try a new impression dh says 'fantastic but oh no! Now you'll never be able to play them in the movie of their life!'

Some people might remember me saying this from a thread at Christmas (under another ame) but whenever we see someone overacting as hard as possible in a film in an effort to create a quirky, wacky character we say 'they're creating a beloved family favourite for the ages' after we watched the film Mr Magorium's Shitty Emporium and decided Dustin Hoffman clearly acted his whole way through the film thinking that's what he was doing. Sometimes we'll just nod sagely and say 'Magorium syndrome.'

peanutbuttery I really hope the tesco delivery man hears you both one day (and joins in?)

yes I did mean aww that's bloomin' lovely

that reminds me, dp and I have a zombie password or that's what we call it basically if I begin a sentence with 'right' he will automatically say 'left' we have decided that if dp ever fails to respond in this way then I must kill him as he is a zombie.

also, every time I yawn I have a habit of saying 'aye aye aye' during the yawn, dp responds every time with 'jay jay jay'

we never say 'I love you' instead we say 'you know that don't you'

Where is the poster who in a previous similar thread said she and her DH said 'BAB' in a robot voice to determine where each other was in the house? That made me cry with laughter.

Sossidge Just reminded me that dh calls my boobs Linsey and Dawn after Linsey Dawn Mckenzie...

best thread ever

love this little insight into people's relationships, im actually smiling here.

we are lucky to have our significant others really.

another one here for rock,paper,scissors

God I love this thread.

When dh and I first met, there was a house painted purple next to the bus stop outside his flat. Every time we go past this house, even though it isn't purple any more, we have to say "purple house purple house" in a stoned voice. The DC are embarrassed by this.

We constantly say the same thing at the same time, and do a mini fist bump ( I'm cringing now) Whenever we settle down to watch something like Masterchef, where we know we will, for example, simulataneously shout "wanker" at Gregg, we sit with our fists together in readiness.

We are both chronically indecisive and settle things with "rock paper scissors". This has settled decisions such as where to get takeaway from, and shamefully, names of our DC.

If I have slept on one side all night, I wake up with a sore ear. I say "T.E.S" which means Tender Ear Syndrome, and dh squishes my ear gently with his fingers. It feels bad but good!

If DH is pushing me in my wheelchair, if I want to stop and look at something, DH pretends he isn't going to stop, and pushes me past before reversing. No idea why but this cracks me up every time.

Dh also cannot tell the difference between a skirt and a dress and if for example, I ask him to pass me my red skirt, he will pass me a dress. Every Single Time. I always get exasperated and he says, in the manner of Basil Fawlty "quite right dear, I only did it to annoy you".

We have been together over 20 years, I'm sure there is loads more. We are always laughing together, even though life is a bit shit atm. He can always make me smile.

When DH says "I love you" I answer, "I know". I never say "I love you".

DH always makes a whiny noise when he yawns, to which I always respond, "Don't yawn like Benny!" - benny is a jack russell. He's not our dog.

DH gives absolutely everyone a nickname- it's often difficult to work out who he's talking about.

Ooh love this!!

1. When we have our food shop delivered we sing 'Tesco, Tesco man, I want to be a Tesco man' to the tune of 'Macho Man'

1. We have a woollen monkey who we give a full personality to, one which is essentially suave and that of an international spy/jazz artist. We create fanciful scenarios about his life, secret lair, ability to woo ladies, his nemesis etc etc. Oh and he does saucy dancing to many TV show theme tunes!

1. If a small pile of objects gathers that requires tidying, we refer to it endlessly as 'you've got piles', 'you've got massive piles' etc

1. Weekends start with ever more outlandish and exaggerated 'weekend waves'

1. We bitch, jibe and pass judgement on many TV programmes...and call this throwing massive scornballs. Like other posters we also have other names for TV programmes eg. MasterChief, Strictly Come Bum, 4 in a bum (4 in a bed)...mostly around bums and balls!

1. Searching for errant hairs is referred to as 'hairwatch' or 'lobewatch'!

1. We post a 'dream seed' in each other's ears to create nice dreams.

1. We refer to putting our pyjamas on as 'having a massive pooj'!

1. We enjoy singing in the style of David Bowie, especially to 'Let's Dance'

Ugh there are loads more!

And we don't call each other by our names. We call each other babbagumpington. I even have a bubagump tattoo in tribute to our nickname

If DH wants a sip of my drink, he has to say 'please can I have a sip of your tasty beverage'.

He can't just ask for a blow job. He has to say, 'you may filate me'.

We have a song. After the kids/dogs have been bathed, we sing 'he's clean and soft and lovely and nice, his name is .....'

And we have a sausage and beans dance