If you felt loved by your mum please tell me why

My mum made me feel very loved.

I agree with the actions people have mentioned, but along with that I think words are also important:

I'm the middle of a teenage, blazing row, she'd say "it doesn't matter what you say to me, I will always love you." That made me feel very loved.

On the eve of various exam results: "it doesn't matter what the results are, I love you, no matter what."

She would tell me she was proud of me when I did or achieved things.

I really think that if you're at all anxious about whether your children know how much you love them, it can't hurt to tell them. I tell my DC "I love you when they go to bed. I hope they'll feel as loved as I did.

Lovely photo greylady. How close you look..

My mum was caring to a fault- she put everyone else before herself. She's the same now although she has alzheimers. She has always been kind to me, she loves me, she worries when I'm ill and wants to hug me all the time. I worried her sick when I was a teenager but she never shouted, never made me feel guilty, even when I got excluded a couple of days before mothers day, which I still cringe at. She is gentle and loving and she always let me know she was there. I don't remember Her ever shouting at me, but I don't think it would have changed how Loved I feel because of the rest of how she was with me.
Sorry for the mixed up is/was thing. I still don't really know how to deal with who she is/was. But I still know she loves me unconditionally

H! grey lady, that is lovely! Some super stories on here :)

I always felt loved. My childhood from an outsiders point of view probably wasn't idyllic but I have always felt that it was happy and I never doubted that I was loved and that is something that my family did right.

As for why - I felt (still do) that my mum always had my back. Even when it came to teachers in secondary school etc she would take my side. I also could tell them anything and they wouldn't freak out as both of my parents never pretended to be perfect and were/are pretty easy going. I felt safe and knew they wouldn't hurt me (physically/mentally!). I felt like they enjoyed spending time with me too and still do.

Now as a mother, I hope that I do the above, I can tell that DS feels loved at least. I haven't read the whole thread but I liked the early post about lighting up when you see them, I know that i do that. I also really enjoy his company and feel happiest when I am with him.

My mom and I often clashed and squabbled, when I was young and especially when I was a teenager. I never ever doubted that she loved me, though, because whenever we did argue, she would seek me out after (usually in my room, where I'd be sulking) and want to talk it all through. She couldn't bear for things to be left angry and hurt between us. She'd listen to how I felt, she'd tell me how she felt, she'd apologise if she felt she'd been in the wrong, or even if not, she'd apologise for having lost her temper or shouted or whatever. If I ever had the good grace to apologise too, she'd thank me for it and it would never be brought up again. She was a great, great hugger, and these making-up chats always ended with teary hugs. She wasn't a pushover or a soft touch at all, she could apologise for shouting and still make it clear that she expected me to do as I'd been told.

It wasn't all arguments and high emotion. We had special places that only she and I went to (and she had different places she went to with my brother and sister) - restaurants and bookstores, that kind of thing. If I was ever away, for a sleepover or camp or whatever, there would be a little present, usually a book, on my bed when I got home. I always understood that it meant she missed me when I wasn't there and was looking forward to me being back in my own bed. Even after I went to college, whenever I came home there was a book or a CD or some little postcard to hang in my dorm or something, always on my bed waiting for me. When I achieved something - not big awards, but things like moving to the next level in swimming lessons or whatever - she'd buy a nice card and write something in it with the date, what I'd done, that she was proud of me for trying my best, etc. I still have all those cards.

My mom was fabulous, and I miss her like hell. OP, I'm sorry that you didn't have the benefit of a loving mother. You deserved to have that, and I'm glad for your children that they so clearly do.

Sorry it is the wrong way round I hope you can see it: me and my mum 1945 :)

I always knew my mum was with me and for me no matter what. We were a fairly poor family but I remember her pride in my every achievement. One lovely little memory is of the morning I got my 11+ results. Mum and I were eating breakfast by the fire (fried egg sandwiches and tea). It was 1955. Mum opened the letter and said,"You've passed my bonny bairn, you've passed!" That still brings tears to my eyes after 60 years.
I was always told how much I was loved. Let me share a picture with you:

I think the key is making sure our children feel we love and delight in them - that we adore their presence and see how unique they are.

Lots of reasons - cuddles, smiles and hugs - but most of all her spontaneous creative generous actions. Like - when we were small we didn't have much cash, but one day when we got home from school she had made for me and my sister each a dolls house out of cardboard boxes, all painted with flowers and decorated - it was a whimsical and exuberant thing and each was customised to just us. That was the kind of thjng she did.

I cried at your post enjoyingmycoffee coffee, I didn't and don't have a mothers love but you have reassured me as I am extremely affectionate towards my dd and she ALWAYS wants and misses and sleeps next to me!, as so one who suffered abandonment from my own mother who told me girls weren't loving, I've seem girls can be more loving and more close to their mums! Sorry for your loss and thanks for everybody's stories

So there was a time I felt that my 'safety net' was gone. But I've realized that it's still there, it's just inside me now. That that's part of the gift they gave me, the big lesson they taught me; the security of knowing that I can handle what life throws at me

Agree with this wholeheartedly. I still have my mum in mind and body. And I still call her to ask what to do in certain situations. She might not be right but I want to know what she thinks. But I also know that she's given me the strength and confidence to face the world and make decisions.

I have a friend with a very toxic mum and a weak dad who loves her but not enough to really protect her or do anything for her. She stayed with me for a week recently and she told me that it had been really interesting for her to watch me interacting with my children but also with my sisters, BILs, nephews and nieces. She said she didn't know this was how families worked as she had never been shown it . She's such a fantastic person who has overcome all the crap in her life - she won't now have children and I'm sad for her because I know she would have been great. Even though she was never shown, she has a true heart and she would have been able to show the love she was never shown.

My mum just gets me. I'm the awkward middle child who always lurked at the edges. She always gave me (and still does) that little push and encouragement that I need to not stand on the outskirts and get involved.

She has always worked long hours as well as raising us all and taught me that I can be what I want, do what I want and regardless of what that is, she will be there to support me.

She is fiercely loyal, incredibly kind and a really good person. She always has our backs and I love the relationship she has with DDad.

She has had a really tough time in the last few years and I just really hope that she feels we have been there for her even a fraction of what she is for us.

I am loved by my mum and have been my whole life I'm sure. However I don't remember her ever saying so, she has very rarely complimented me on my physical appearance or told me I'm special or loved. Never said she is proud of me. (I still find it weird to listen to a mum tell her daughter she is beautiful). Only in a couple of crises /once leaving for a long trip have we hugged. Hardly remember her playing with us much.

But I know she loves me she's just quite a blunt person to speak to and not keen on emotional talking (my dad is slightly more so), when I think back to all the times she took me to different afterschool activities, she and my dad denied themselves things to pay for things for us. My mum was always there with food after school, interested in my school work, trying to protect me from being too independent as a teenager. Now I can see she was trying her best to give us a good diet, keep us active, limit TV, being strict about some things, made us brush our teeth. This sounds so weird when typed as it sounds like the bare minimum!

But what I am trying to say i think is I could tell she was usually giving it her all and was always working hard and for all of our benefit. She is kind to other people but even they don't sometimes know it! As she often makes it appear it is for her benefit, when really she is thinking of them, this includes making some tough decisions and not agreeing with people when she thinks it is important. She was always very consistent and was fair with my siblings and me. She would listen to us. I also really think she doesn't see the surface of people so much but instead looks at their actions. I was quite a vain and rebellious teenager and so we did have some fallings out but are pretty close now.

I am much more emotional with my children and I used to feel bad about it because I really wish sometimes I was more like my mum. However i have met more parents now and have seen there are all types who do it, I'm just not the same as her!

This is such a wonderful thread, I am going to pick up the phone now to call my own mother. She is always there she is super affectionate and supportive, we don't always see eye to eye (in fact I've banned any further discussions about my hair) but she is such a genuinely good egg, and random people are always telling me lovely things she has said or done (she is a teacher and is still teaching at 73).

Whenever life is difficult I think back on all those cuddles and just lying there with my head on her chest hearing her heart beating, feeling safe, smelling her lovely smell.

I always try to give my own DC special cuddles every day especially at bedtime as I really bonded with my own mother at bedtime, and it was a happy time when I fell asleep I always felt loved and secure.

Finding it really difficult to read this thread. My mum died when I was 5 and I try not to think about what I missed out on (me and my sister were brought up by loving grandparents but it's not the same). My own little girl is 4 now. It's hard sometimes when she asks questions like 'why did your mummy die?' 'did you love her?' etc.

should not have read this thread at my desk. Blimey.

I am another who has rarely felt much love, if any, from my mother. I think she does love me but I can't say for sure. She wasn't terribly well mentally a lot when I was younger and she said some terrible things and also allowed some very dreadful things to happen to me.

I never felt protected or cared for, really. I was always lonely and afraid.

My greatest fear is that my darling DD will feel about me the way I feel about my mother. As DD grows - she's still only just 4 - the way my mother treated, and treats, me, the less I can understand it.

I always thought I didn't want children because I didn't know how to love them, but my best friend (who I met as an adult) has helped - though she doesn't really know this! - as she's got a great relationship with her mum and it showed me that a wonderful mum/daughter relationship is possible.

I love this thread as it's genuinely helps me (and I should think others too) learn. Some things are instinctive but I do worry a lot about how I'm parenting and how DD feels so I need some guidance from time to time.

Thanks all.

Respect. She always believed me, always took me seriously, and took time to see things from my point of view. I was listened to, and as a child, you're often not listened to by so many adults! It taught me that my opinion is valid, I do have a voice, something interesting to say, and also taught me to value what other say, too. I was also less inclined to lie to sensationalise things.

My parents had enough belief in the courage of my convictions for Dad to give me his vote in a general election, when I was only 16. I felt so strongly that he just offered to go down and vote on my behalf, even though he felt strongly too, and would not have voted for the same party as me. He trusted me to do my research, take my time, and come to a conclusion that I could back up.

Oh sad, it isn't gone, really. You've just misplaced it. Love never really goes away, it's just that the sadness of losing them makes it hard to find.

My dad has been gone for 15 years, Mum has dementia. When her mind started to go I sort of felt as you do because I feel I can no longer talk to her about my problems, it just worries her too much. So there was a time I felt that my 'safety net' was gone. But I've realized that it's still there, it's just inside me now. That that's part of the gift they gave me, the big lesson they taught me; the security of knowing that I can handle what life throws at me. You'll get there. And remember there's nothing wrong with asking for help if you need it!

To all of us, we ALL have so much to be proud of. Our ability to love and rise above is amazing! We truly are our mothers' legacies.

Enjoying, thank you. The funny thing is, as others have said about not fully understanding the love you had until you can look back on it later, the same goes for my experiences in a way, because I didn't know any different. I've only understood as an adult how damaging it was. At the time it was just my life, home and family, and it was relatively subtle - there was no alcoholism, extreme violence or gross neglect, and I thought we were normal. Although I can remember so many of the hurtful things so clearly, that they must have had a big impact.

But still I love reading about the lovely mothers on here and I am so glad so many of you had and have them. because it is, now, about what kind of a mother I can try to be.

...now I've got a baby my mum often tells me she's bonny and a happy little thing because of how well I look after her and it makes my heart swell a little every time.

Madder, that is so profoundly disturbing. How awful that must have been for you.

dawnz I know what you mean and I don't think it's particularly good for DC when parents try to insist to everyone else that their child is special, gifted, better than other children etc or to push that. It is important to help your children to learn to deal with not always being the winner.

But maybe the distinction is that a loving parent/mum lets the child know they are special to them - that they are the child that parent will always stick up for and love and support, whoever they happen to be.

I remember that being what I didn't get. My dad would point at other kids in the playground and say "why can't you do that" and even "I wish that [child over there doing something impressive] was my kid". (I was a chubby and physically uncoordinated child...) When I did do well, academically, my mum would explicitly tell me she wasn't proud of me because my achievements were "nothing to do with her". Well, technically they weren't I suppose but with a good mother-child bond you want your mum to be happy and proud and engaged in what you do, just because you are hers, because you are her beloved child. For my narcissistic mum, if it wasn't her own personal glory, it held no interest for her. She couldn't be happy for me.

I don't tell my DC they are better than everyone else - but that they are my favourites, that I love them more than anything else.

My mum, my lovely lovely mum.

Affection came utterly naturally to her. Hugs, kisses, holding hands. When we were poorly, she would sit on my bed, stroking my hair and telling me stories or, and what I really loved, she would tell me the story line to films that I wasn't allowed to watch because they were 18s!

She thought we were the most wonderful creatures on earth. She genuinely thought we were marvellous. That feeling, the feeling that someone thinks you are bloody amazing, gives one amazing self confidence.

She had our backs. Her stance was always, always, to be on our side against the world.

She was wonderfully organised and an amazing housewife. All our physical needs were met. We were fed wonderfully, clean clothes, clean bedding, a beautifully tidy house.

She was shockingly, almost over the top generous.

I just loved her so much. I remember going away on holiday after a levels with friends, and I cried in the airport toilets, because all I wanted was my mum. I wanted to be going on holiday with my mum.

She died, a few years back. She would have been the most incredible grandmother.