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Original poster

What's your best sporn story?

337 replies

Ouchbloodyouch · 10/02/2015 23:34

How excited do you get when you see KLAXON? Sometimes you get a few in a week.. sometimes there is a drought! So in order to keep us sporners truly satisfied can we do our ultimate ultimate sporn stories? I've just shared my blackhead story on another thread (TAAT guilt) but this is my best..if it looks familiar its because I have posted it under a different name.
Many years ago I became aware of a very sharp pain on my left side. Between the hip and the buttock. Upon examination there wasn't much to be seen other than something that looked like a teeny pimple. I pierced the top with a sterile needle and nothing happened. Owing to the position of the 'pimple' I had to grab my flesh to bring it to a better viewing position.. well.. as I did that the pressure I applied caused a jet of pus to spew three feet across the room. In an arc! I've never seen the like. After evacuating the pimple I took a hot bath and tried again. Lo and behold it happened again to a lesser extent.
That was it. The best half hour of my life. I've never had anything like it since.
Over to you. .

OP posts:
PlumpingUpPartridge · 12/02/2015 08:04

My first proper sporning experience:

I had an old nose piercing which I allowed to seal over, and it swelled up one day. I gave it an experimental prod in the M&S changing room and it went BOOM! all over the mirror. I've never been so surprised.

Hooked since then!

FrankelandFilly · 12/02/2015 08:01

Do I win?

FrankelandFilly · 12/02/2015 08:01

Here you go, my foot gives some idea of scale.

FourAndDone · 12/02/2015 07:56

My most favourite thread!
How do you syringe your own ears? I want to do my entire household!Grin

cedricsneer · 12/02/2015 07:54

Also dh has a refilling spot on his lip. We call it the raspberry cone. You can guess why.

cedricsneer · 12/02/2015 07:52

Are we mostly in to specialist sporn? Cysts or anything too medical don't do it for me. Catthiefkeith's ingrown hair story is my favourite. I'm a sucker for ingrown hairs that recoil when removed and turn out to be about 3 feet long; and also blackheads with a hard black sebum plug.

I stood on a thorn once. Walking was becoming increasingly painful so I asked dh to investigate. He half heartedly jabbed around, told me he had removed the thorn and left it. Several days later when it was still painful to walk I got a mirror down to the sole of my foot. Saw a shadow under a scab, scratched the top with a needle and pus arced from the foot followed by the impacted thorn. It must have flown 3 metres.

I can vividly remember 3 spots that crunched after a lot of priming from a finger - one in English at school, one at the British museum whilst talking to a curator and one on safari in Kenya.

Seminal moments I tell you. I can remember everything so vividly from the sound, the smell, the sensation.

thoidythoidnthoid · 12/02/2015 07:46

m.youtube.com/watch?v=3HceA18N4Ww

This isn't me or anyone I know, but this immediately came to mind. You're welcome. Smile

goodasitgets · 12/02/2015 07:42

Abscess in arm pit. Ended up in surgical triage where they said it was sore, infected and not ready to lance. Got home and it hurt so much I thought bollocks to this and stuck a needle in it
I'm a fan of stuff like that but ugh, the smell, I was heaving over the sink as it streamed out Grin
Currently have an inner thigh lump...

elQuintoConyo · 12/02/2015 07:39

Yes please, Frankel

FrankelandFilly · 12/02/2015 07:32

Ok, I'll post a picture of you're really sure you want to see it.....?

Be warned, it's not really breakfast-time viewing!

JollyFrog · 12/02/2015 07:19

Ahem
?Awaits £50 for dodgy fanjo shot?

ilikepie · 12/02/2015 07:09

place marking here. you lovely sporny people.

Original poster
Ouchbloodyouch · 12/02/2015 07:06

I dreamt I had a spot on my face which yielded a foot long piece of white gunge. Sad if only...

OP posts:
toastyarmadillo · 12/02/2015 02:30

Classics please

NerdyBird · 12/02/2015 00:48

Best. Thread. Ever

YokoUhOh · 12/02/2015 00:22

You guys would love my mum's Biggest Blackhead In The World TM. It's on her back, and the size of a 50 pence piece, like a big ball of grease. Every few years she gets me to squidge it out. I feel like it's wasted on me, I only have slight sporn tendencies.

I had an ingrown hair under my arm when I was about 18. I popped it out and it was coiled round zillions of times, it could probably have been a metre long. It stank. Totally rank.

WiggleGinger · 12/02/2015 00:07

I thought I was the only one who loved this sort of thing!
My mouth is watering! Which happens whenever i discuss this! ( my mum and auntie are the same!)

OrangeFluff · 12/02/2015 00:07

My most satisfying moment was 10 years ago whilst at uni. My boyfriend at the time, had a big lump on his back. As I squeezed out all the gunk, slowly a long hard object started to emerge. It turned out to be a 2cm long thorn! He had apparently been pushed into a bush some weeks before on a drunkern walk home. 'Twas a thing of beauty.

ColdCottage · 12/02/2015 00:00

Loving this thread. Another DP picket here.

Original poster
Ouchbloodyouch · 11/02/2015 23:43

This just keeps getting better and better..

OP posts:
MimsyBorogroves · 11/02/2015 23:43

A blackhead I had when a teen remains unsurpassed. Black tip, then orange, then greeny cream, fading down into that white cottage cheese stuff. It went on for not literally miles.

EBearhug · 11/02/2015 23:43

I had one of those spots on my breast. It didn't seem to clear, and I could feel it was a lump, so I dutifully took it to the GP, who said it was just a dermatofibratoma (I think) and nothing to worry about unless it changed size or shape. It had been there for about 3 months by then.

A month or two later, I was taking a look at it, to see if it was growing or diminishing or anything - and suddenly I had pus explode across the bathroom. Not pints of it, though. It still fills , but nothing like as impressive (because I don't have the patience to wait long enough.)

I am not entirely sure that my GP is a sporner. She's very excellent in other ways, though.

WizardOfToss · 11/02/2015 23:38

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

elQuintoConyo · 11/02/2015 23:37

I was sitting A levels, around May time, and remember being uncomfortable in my seat, blamed long exams and hard placcy chairs. Bum got more painful over the summer and by early September it was uncomfortable to sit anywhere. My DM had a look and could see a small white spot on my coccyx. I had a poke around, but nothing happened.

Two days later and I have a rash that creeps right across my bum and around my waist, so I booked in to see my doctor - I ws a shy 18yr old and he was very tasty Blush he gave me antibios.

Just two days later I thought I'd have a look: on all fours with a big mirror. I stretched my bum a bit to get a good look and fuchooey it exploded all over my foot - damn it was hot! And the whiff Envy

Original poster
Ouchbloodyouch · 11/02/2015 23:06

We pay £50 for every photo included actually we don't but if I could just fool one of you

OP posts: