What's your best sporn story?

rootypig, you wondered if I was shagging my boss? Plus ca change ( sortov translation-=somethings never change?)....all these years later that's the precise reaction I'd anticipated at the time, and I'm still not wrong

I once had a hard lump on my labia majora. It was really hard and took ages to squeeze but it did eventually pop and shoot out a hard lump of pus. I now have another little hard lump on the other side. It's been there for years. Sometimes it's a bit bigger, sometimes it's a bit smaller and I cannot get it to do anything and it really bloody hurts if I squeeze it too hard. It's a mystery.

I also have a tiny little lump on my nipple, that looks just like all the other little lumps around a nipple, that every so often curls out a lovely little white worm. It's done it since I was a teenager. I don't think it can be pus. It's more like a faulty milk duct or something.

I'm fucking jealous of the ten verrucas.

My foot wont even get one, I havent had one since I was in primary school.

I have posted this before so apologies if this is repeat sporn for any of you.

This is what I coughed up after a severe bout of tonsillitis last year. It is tonsil slough / gunk / phlegm and tonsil stones. I cannot tell you how much better I felt after coughing the fucker up. I was mesmerised by it. Stared at it for a good six or seven minutes.

Hair grip for scale. Enjoy, fellow sporn freaks.

Mama I still think fondly about that verucca strip...it was amazing, like I'd just cleansed my soul or something. Just beautiful. I even ran my finger along and the roots were all hard and bumpy.

I was at a festival and after 3 days of washing only with baby wipes I realised u had a lump on my fanjo - blocked duct/hair follicle that can only be achieved through not washing properly.

I sat in my tent with my pants down (hoping no one would poke their head in) and gave it a good squeeze. It exploded green/yellow pus. Amazing...

OH MY GOD! The ten verruca pore strip! You lucky woman. Did you gaze at it for hours?

My ex had a permanently blackheady nose and sometimes used to let me squeeze it with the round end of a kirby grip. Hundreds of thick yellow worms came out - it was. AMAZING.

I haven't had any decent sporn lately but the other day I was syringing my ears and a big black lump of wax came out. I still can't believe it really happened to me.

Mine are;

1. My TB jab got bigger and bigger and after about 18 months and visits to the GP. One evening I pulled my arm around to look at the fecker in the mirror and it split open and acres of green pus oozed out. The hole was the size of a 50 p and about 1 cm deep.

1. Grandma's ear spot. Oh Lordy! it still dream about this. Granny was a sporner, bless here and she asked me to look at a spot in her ear. It was a blackhead and it was huge. The first bit that came out was a huge hard black bit which I had to practically dig out with tweezer, the second layer was a hard white pusy one and the third was soft cream cheese pus. Oh it was marvellous and I made Granny so happy. Win win

1. Dsis has a lovely little sebaceous cyst that fills up every six months or so. Sometimes it pops explosively and sometimes it goes hard and I have to tweezer it out.

What a lovely thread.

Oh! Remembered a massive abcess on the gum above my top front tooth. The anti-bios were working slowly and it would grow and be more and more painful, the only relief I could get was from a squeeze and a scalpel blade. Happy days!

The only thing I miss about my ex was his massive ongoing deep rooted blackhead in his ear. It was fantastic

Now you've all made me want to go on YouTube and look for sporn... should be working

Ahhh these are amazing, made my night.

My two greatest sporn hits are:

I had a massive round shiny spot on my chin when a teen, it was huge! Having a good prod in front of a mirror and it popped and SPLAT all over the mirror.

The second was on holiday. I'd had a bikini wax done a few days before leaving. After a couple of days my fanjo started to really ache to the point where it hurt to lie down, so I went to inspect in the bathroom and it had swollen all around the outside and I could see yellow under the skin.
Prodded it gently and pffffft loads of yellow pus flew all over the floor and across the wall.

I am not a sporn fan, but I thought I should share my story. My younger brother (who hates the doctors), banged his finger with a weight. A few days later, it looked like he had contracted Paronychia. (Google it if sporn is your thing). He refused to go to the doctors to get it checked out.

Needless to say, it was painful. Daily for a week, I had to lance it and drain it. It was vile but no-one else would do it for him and it was constantly painful. It was a constant stream of soft fluid, and solid pus. Grim. I did get good sister points for that now though.

I have a round, probably 5mm across scar on my thigh. It was ages ago, I spotted a brown lump on my thigh. I gave it a squeeze, then, more, more....

It was cone shaped, and about 3cm long, and very firm. A massive blackhead.

I wish I had kept it. This was in the days before mobiles and digital cameras, so no evidence exists except the thigh scar (which looks like a chickenpox scar)!

lemondrizzletwunt I thought for just a split second that you said Majorca and you were describing your holiday location, not your flange.

Your boss Rumbelow?! good lord. Were you shagging him? or just sporning his bum

Oh LaLaLaaaa that is good.

I like earwax, my husband has Los of it. I watch him get it out. It's amazing.

I think the sporn thing is definitely genetic. My mother has it and my eldest DC has shown tendencies since the age of 3.

Bloke I once knew had a bum you'd all envy. Big bloke, fat, big spready-outy fat bum absolutely full of blackheads/refilling pimples which, if not drained, made sitting down for him really painful. Now, I'm a kind soul, and I don't like for people to suffer butin this case I didn't mind seeing it at all so after he'd told me about his 'problem' I offered to take a look. How could I resist?

Bloody fabulous variety of pimples, blackheads, and, my very fave ones, those horizontal sebum tubes which have their exit points about 5cm away from where the sebum lump starts? You sort of push it along the line until it's all clear...pause for reflection...sigh.. And remember I told you he'd got a very fat bum? Very fat bum= very many blackheads, all determined to reappear. . the smell was a downer tho, had to wear a face mask!

This bloke was my Boss, btw, and the job was a Dream Job - buying and selling yachts for chArter in the Med. Never ever before told anyone that the bonus wasn't the lifestyle or the salary or knowing the 'in' places to shop in exclusive places - no! It was this man's Spotty Botty

Am so jealous as my DH will never let me squeeze anything. However have just remembered it is my birthday soon so have asked him if I can inspect his back as a birthday treat.
I have a blackhead on my collarbone which refills. I keep messing with it though so it has never been as good as the first time when it went for about an inch.

I'm very prone to abcesses. I had one pop at the back of my throat this morning. The doctor said that it was very impressive. I almost felt proud. They are incredibly painful but the relief is so good when they go. My best was being a week overdue with dc2. I'd been having contractions at nights for days. I had a huge abcess on the bottom of spine that wasn't shifting and the docs wouldn't lance it as was pregnant. I decided that I couldn't stand sitting doing nothing anymore so I went for a walk with friends and as I was about to leave, heard that satisfying 'pop'. It was gross. I loved it. I kept trying to show everyone the amount of puss but no one was having it. My contractions started straight after and dc2 was born that night. It's amazing how your body works.

My earliest sporn memory was about the age of 8. I was sitting on the loo and noticed two strange lumps on my inner thigh. I poked at them, then squeezed, then squeezed some more and eventually solid white lumps popped out of them, leaving small bleeding craters . I still have no idea what they were, and I've never had anything else like them. They left chicken-pox style scars.

When DH and i were very newly dating we were stood together waiting for a taxi one night and i had my hand up his t shirt stroking his (rather lovely) back. About half way up.

My highly attuned finger tips suddenly felt a bump. A second gentle feel confirmed some kind of spot. I squeezed. He yelped and pulled away a bit. I said something soothing and then quickly jammed my fingernails under the bump (like you do) and pulled quite hard ...

JOY! i felt something give way, slide out and come away in my nail grip. I looked at it in the dim light and, readers, it was a rock hard egg shaped lump, about the size of the whole tip of my little finger I swear it was that big! I couldn't believe my luck eyes!

And then i noticed the big blood stain appearing on his t shirt Poor man. But it was great It never came back sadly. It must have been growing in there for years!

Mine are nothing like as good as these!

I occasionally get those hard calcium deposits under my facial skin. I love winkling them out.

Our male cat got in a fight once and developed a big abscess by his ear. The look of relief on his furry face when the vet picked the scab off and vast quantities of pinkish pus poured all over the examination table...

I recently got an infection in a tragus piercing and (feeling emboldened by antibiotics) gave the fecker a good squeeze. It popped and shot a black lump onto the bathroom mirror, to which it adhered.

Ha! Knew Gin would be a sporner! Do cats count? Mine once got in a fight and had a lump in the baldy bit in front of his ear. Bathing it with warm water and it shot up in the air, (jet of goo, not the cat)it was a bit of claw blocking the lump. Then latest cat got one on his leg, I had to wrap his head in a towel (and the rest of him) was the most pus I had ever seen, a whole kitchen roll full and it made that puthery noise too. Fucker clawed me to bits.
Dh used to get those keratin balls round his eyes. One swelled and got red, he refused to let me near it. It scab bed and I talked him into letting me use a blackhead removing strip. A perfect pearly white ball came out. Inside was a really hard core.