Overheard on the bus

Say and Sistene -stupid autocorrect!

This is a brilliant thread. Been following since yesterday, and just caught up.

Usedtobe...., I'm another one who was a bit, erm, let's sat unimpressed with the Sistine chapel. sorry andrewofgg

I can't have been one of the three 25 ish year olds though as I only saw it about 10 years ago when I was 36 and haven't admitted that until now. I loved Rome and St. Peter's basilica and was very moved to tears when I saw the Michelangelo's Pieta.

Sorry.

I over heard the most amazing humdinger of a an argument between my next door neighbour and his wife a couple of summers ago. It was amazing and went on for hours (it was summer and all the back window were open, there was no avoiding hearing what was going on) As it first started to gear up I was feeling a bit sorry for my neighbour, they were eating and she was screaming at him non stop about something he had bought for his work and then went into shouting 'What do you want from this relationship!' over and over not stopping long enough for him to reply. She finally left enough of a space and he just said 'Some peace and a quiet life'. The tide quickly turned though as I discovered his reputation round the village as a ladies man was not unwarranted. She started shouting about how he had only gone to a couple of the counselling sessions after the last affair and started reeling off the names of four different woman he had been unfaithful with. She finally left him last summer.

Not quite an over heard one this but a family came to the riding school where I work last summer to have a ride while on holiday, they where from London and we are home counties.
'Why are the horses in that countryside area?' The boy aged 10 asks pointing to the horses in a field.
'Do you put them there to cut the grass?'
I honestly didn't think the myth of the city kid was real. Holidaying kids often have lots of questions about farming and life in small villages but I had never come across anything like that before, the teen helper who the boy was talking to didn't know where to even start!

Have told this story on here before, but it does deserve repetition. A bit of background for those not from Ireland. In Dublin, D4 is an area full of fairly posh people - think Chelsea and Darina Allen is the Irish equivalent of Delia Smith.

Was in Dublin GPO with sister, two D4 ladies in front of us, both pretty well to do, expensive jewellery and hair beautifully coiffured.
Lady One; " Did you see Darina last night, she had some amazing recipes for duck.."
Lady two: "I love Darina, but she's an awful cunt for the butter"

Now a favourite family catchphrase.

alltoomuch - wonderful!

UsedToBeAPaxmanFan She had probably looked at the floor . . . there's some pig-ignorance around, isn't there?

A few years ago DH and I were sitting in a cafe when the three women, aged? 25ish, had a conversation about Rome. One of them was being taken there for a long weekend by her boyfriend. One of the other women told her "I've been to Rome and my advice is, don't bother with the Sistene Chapel, cos it's shit".

Dh and I were and then she added "I could paint better than that"

Three they probably deserved each other and if they did not have a child I would say better they were together making two miserable people instead of four!

True they could be terrible people. Still the whole why shouldn't we get off our tits on coke and weed with our 4 year old in the house (hopefully not room?) didn't fill me with that warm feeling about him either.

Three Of course you would need to know what ex and her new bf are like . . . your bloke in the queue may be less awful.

oh just remembered, Skyping my family in Australia on Christmas Day. My parents love to see their grandkids in oz open the presents 'live' each year, which doesn't allow for any censoring / editing ! Everyone tries to get on at once and as DB has 3 kids, it results in chaos.
5 yr old Nephew in background - 'oh NO. Clothes. Boring. But look! look! someone's put a helicopter in with the PJ's!'
DSIL heard in background to DNiece aged 7 - 'Yes I know you have this Lego, but just pretend , and say thank you'. DNiece comes up close again 'thank you Nanna for the Lego that I already have and I didn't want again but I have to say thank you Nanna and can I have loom bands next time Nanna though mummy says no loom bands but I'll hide them in my wardrobe Nanna' . And to me... 'mummy said I'm not allowed to have any more purses, as I have too many. So we're going to give this one to the op shop but I can't tell you that. But what I would like next time is russian dolls things. If it's a purse with russian dolls on, well that will be ok, and I'll hide it from mummy'.

lol at 'had it with slippers' !

How very dare you is Catherine Tate.

Couple of months ago I was stood in front of a man in B&M. He was on the phone so I could only hear his side but u was raging. I've never wanted to butt in as much in my life.

"Yeah well I was supposed to be babysitting for the ex tonight it's not babysitting when they're you child, dickhead but I've told her she can fuck off.

I'm fucking sick of it mate! I've fucking told her she's screwing her up letting her meet . Yeah well they might have been together a year, but I don't give a fuck.

Then she had the cheek to say I was fucking her up more by me n Lisa smoking weed and doing coke in front of her.

Yeah I know as if that'll fuck up a 4 year old. So I've told her to fuck off and I'm not having her."

He's a charmer eh? Wonder why he's an ex?

Clawdy PMSL. That boy will go far.

Once years ago I was forced to endure a group of teenage boys discussing their experiences of anal sex, horrible, truly vile. Should have moved seats.

On a Glasgow bus many years ago, small boy yelling at his mum: "If ya don't let me have it, I'll tell everyone ya pee in the sink!"

Not overheard, but related by a deflated-looking DH....

DH had recently completed 17 years of medical training and been appointed as a Consultant. He introduced himself to a day case surgical patient - imagine a middle class lady in her 50's...

DH: 'Hello, I'm Dr Merlot, I'm your anaesthetist today'

Patient: 'What are you a doctor of?'

DH: 'Erm, medicine?'

Patient: 'Oh, I didn't know you had to be a doctor to put people to sleep! I thought you just did, you know, a bit of a training scheme.'

I can remember this one from years and years ago, quite tame by a lot of these.

I was a very young, junior chorister at a wedding. The church had the Vicar's vestry in a corridor just off the chancel, and the wedding party had to walk past the end of the choir stalls when they went to the vestry to sign the register.

As the newest chorister, I was at the end of the stall, and as they all swept past, one of the mothers hissed at her poor husband "Really, George, you should have....".

I couldn't hear what poor George should have done, and really wanted to know as an ear-wigging 10 year old.

Flyingboy has all sorts of SEN including autism and, weirdly, speech and language probs despite having a very wide vocab. Due to his dyslexia he listens to audio books. When he was around 8, he got a bit fixated on the word 'perchance'. We think it must have been on an audio book...we don't use it. So we are in Waitrose, near the chickens and he pipes up 'Mother, is it possible, perchance, that we could have roast duck this weekend?' Cue surronding old ladies collectively going ahhhhhhhhh and me . Still sort of expecting to see it on one of these threads...

Many years ago, on the way home from school sitting behind 2 young teen girls, one of which was wearing MASSIVE hoop earrings
Earring girl: Mr Smith finks he's well funny, he goes 'what's the budgie going to sit on today.'
Girl 2: oh yeah he finks he's well funny, what was he talking abaht?
Earrings: I ain't got a clue.

In a bat enclosure at a wildlife park recently.

Woman to child: Don't be silly. Of course they don't eat people. [pause] They probably eat cattle though.

this is one from my teens but brother and I still use it when anything goes wrong.... we were on a beach in the 1980s near a wee boy with a wonderful Geordie accent (probably my all time favourite brit accent) who was building an impressive sandcastle. Tide suddenly came in and boy runs back to his mother yelling 'mum! mum! me walls are knackered! They're knackered! Me walls are knackered!!'

walking to car park about 45 minutes ago in front of two women and one said to the other, 'well he is on his benefits but he does a lot of work for cash in hand. I really shouldn't be saying this in public, should I....' (I'm on JSA and desperately applying for all and sundry, so I did shoot round and give her A Look)....

Just now, in Poundland. (well, OH did say he was taking me out this afternoon LOL)

Woman holding pack of Splenda: This pack feels very light.
Older woman with her: That's because its for dieters.
Woman: Oh yes.

I had to walk away.

When I was in hospital after having my daughter the young girl in the next cubicle had given birth to a 10lb+ baby (who was absolutely gorgeous). Her boyfriends dad walked in and went 'fooking hell he's a big bastard'. I nearly died.