Overheard on the bus

I heard a very harassed looking mum on the phone to her son, saying "NO. You do NOT shoot at your sisters!"

Overheard on a bus.. "there was a power cut yesterday at work, when I was on the bog. I couldn't wipe my arse 'cos I couldn't see to find the bog roll".
And years ago, in the aftermath of a wild party when several of us were crashed out around the house, we could hear one of our mates saying "FFS, spit on it"!!

This was about 12 or so years ago, when there was a fashion for super chunky gold jewellery. Girl in front of me on the bus was heavily pregnant and was discussing names with her pal. She was wearing a huge gold necklace with her long, hyphenated name on it.

Girl: "I've decided if it's a girl I'll giver the same name as me."
Pal: "How come?"
Girl: "So she can have my jewellery when I die."

Group of American tourist late-teens spotted hanging over a fence and taking photos: 'Oh my gaaaaahd! They're playing 'cricket'! That's cricket, right?'

Didn't have the heart to tell them it was lawn bowls.

Once on a flight to Italy, I heard the woman in the row ahead chatting to the stranger next to her. She moaned the WHOLE flight about this and that, how Italy had rubbish supermarkets, how there was too much litter, it was too hot, Italian was too hard to learn, Italians were unfriendly etc etc etc. It went on and on. Then finally the hapless man got her to pause long enough to ask her what she did in Italy. Her reply 'I'm a positive thinking coach'.

And said by my history teacher to the boy in the front row... "Bobby, cover yourself up and don't be so disgusting!"

Overheard while I was walking behind a group of fellas in Dublin one night. "Hang on a minute boys, I'm just going down this street to drain the python-it's chewing the leg off me"!

I had to trawl back through my Facebook wall from quite some time ago, but ... I found it!! The shop in question was when I was managing a charity shop

Conversation overheard in my shop today...
'What do you think of this scarf, Doris?'
'Ooh - grey. .......Fifty shades of grey!'
'Well, I read that book, Doris. You know, THAT one. Fifty Shades Of Grey'
'You never!'
'Yes Doris, I did. Well, all I can say is, not in our day, Doris. Certainly not in our day'.
(Silence. Both leave shop, without making a purchase)

Eew, BarbaraManatee, I'm imagining that they were out on a walk in the country and the rack was still attached to a skull.

Glad to have been of service although that must have bugged you for forty-odd years!

MrsHathaway You are a genius. Of course.

Very proper sort of man recounting a conversation with his wife: "And I said to her, "Look at that huge rack! Can we pick it up & take it home?" And she said, "Umm, I think it's attached...""

They were discussing deer antlers... That conversation was the first time I'd heard them referred to as a rack. I dug my fingernails into my hand to stop myself giggling or commenting that I wouldn't be impressed if DH started pointing out huge racks to me & wanting to take them home!

Andrew - having worked in retail, and assuming half-day Wednesday, I'm guessing a banking issue.

"No, sorry, it's Thursday, and the bank is shut on Wednesday afternoon, so we're a bit short of change and the boss will shout at me if I give away all the single shilling coins. I'm not allowed to give change for the meter until someone's been to the bank."

I'm firmly decimal, though, so that's a guess.

I had an appointment with aconsultant gynaecologist, who had a load of students working with him and his team. Waiting for the clinic to start and they're all discussing a night out some of them had had at a sushi place. One mentions caviar.

Student 1: what is caviar anyway?
Student 2: its what you get in the chip shop in batter isn't it?
Student 1: but this was black and not cooked?
Student 2: they must just add food colouring then, to make it more expensive looking

One I heard decades ago, as will appear from the first line, and it sill puzzles me:

A: Sorry, can you change a ten-shilling note?
B: No, sorry, it's Thursday.

A few months ago there was a very drunken argument going on outside the house, which dd and I could hear very clearly when we muted the TV Much argy-bargy between two women culminating in; "you're no mother of mine!"
"Well you're a shite daughter"
"I'm fucking disowning you, YOU ARE NOT MY MOTHER ANYMORE"
Woman three pipes in with "Of course not you daft cow, she's your sister."
"Yeah well that's true." Long pause. "And your bf is a crap fuck"
SCREEEEEECH.

more please people, this is keeping me very entertained at work.

ChristmasMoaner1 - that's going to be my code for sex now.....will ask DH if he would like me to shave the badger tonight !

I've just asked that this thread be saved in Classics. Much too funny to let it disappear

You and your DH can join me in getting the evil looks wee

I was on the bus with my 5 yr old and she had a balloon from Giraffe which she was very excited about. But it suddenly burst with a loud bang and I heard a few shocked noises from other passengers. I automatically stood up and turned round to all the old ladies behind me to say 'don't worry it was a balloon!'

Two female cafe employees chatting while cafe was quiet....

A: so you doing anything tonight?
B: no not really. I might let mike get some leg over, so I need to go home and shave the badger.

Whitershadeofpale actual LOL! DH LOL'd too! I'm such a child.