Overheard on the bus

Love "Josha Shoes" and his little song!

Shatners

"They'll see me out, they will" has me in stitches,

That's exactly the sort of thing my gran used to say

Heard recently on the bus. 'I love me council ouse, got it in 1970 an I just love it'

When there was all the hooha in 2012 about the Doomsday prediction that the world would end on December 21st, I was on the train to work and heard two older ladies have a very serious discussion about it all.

Lady 1: 'I saw on the telly that the world might be ending tomorrow you know'
Lady 2: 'Well that's no bloody good, I haven't finished my Christmas shopping yet!'

Loved her focus on the practicalities of the possible situation!

Just walking home and past a crowded bus stop. Two youngish women talking and I caught..."I wouldn't let mine go. He might stab me and I probably wouldn't talk to him for a week, but..."
Really?!!!

Elderly woman with her middle-aged daughter in the supermarket.

Mother: How many cloths in that pack?
Daughter: Three.
Mother: Get me them, they'll see me out they will.
Daughter: For Christ's sake, mother!

Boy attempting to chat up girl on the train by talking about the 'dark eroticism' of Lars von Trier and how reading Kafka is 'a harrowing experience'.

Boy on the phone saying '...I told my mother I didn't want to see my grandmother anymore because she's a narcissist....yeah...she went 'what's a narcissist?' so I told her and then I told her I think she displays some of the traits too...and she burst into tears. Classic narc behaviour.'

This thread is brilliant .

On a bus (with friends) years ago in my uni days, we were on our way to a wedding. Behind us were three teenage boys, about 15/16, of the chav variety. The bus went past a petrol station with one of those 'Bonjour' shops. Cue the following conversation between two of the boys:

1: What does 'Bonjour' mean?
2: I think it's French for 'Petrol Station'.

I cried silent tears of laughter. It must have taken me about 5 mins to compose myself.

Heard my neighbour arguing with his wife at the top of his voice shouted "yes but I got a level 2 in customer service" how that related anyway to what they were arguing about i'll never know. He shut up after that.

I love that one DropYourSword

Not a bus, but overheard the cutest toddler many years ago. At some sort of activity place and one of the things you could do was hire a net and catch fish in a pond. One chatty little dude was talking to the owners as he left. He introduced himself as Josha Shoes (couldn't pronounce Joshua) and told them what a lovely day he had, by saying in a little singsong voice "Thank you for my fiiish. Thank you for my daaay".

I was like for the rest of the afternoon.

This isn't an overheard and also a case of, you should've really been there...but... has been a catchphrase of friend & I ever since.

Walking back to our Uni past a Holland & Barratt and a completely hyper, ecstatic woman RAN out the door with carton soya milk in her arms and up to us, and proclaimed 'Soya! It's soya! SOYA!! It's SOYA!'

(it was late 80s, I don't expect soya milk was readily available before then, but even so!) Whenever anything exciting happens, we remark that it's 'SOYA' !!

Last summer a friend and I were visiting Naples and were spending the afternoon lounging by the pool when a fellow guest and her travelling companion decided to go for a swim. She got in wearing both her t-shirt and very large straw hat. (Whilst I appreciate the sun-safety factor it only served to enhance the comedic value of the following encounter)

She began a stream of conciousness about her upcoming excursion to Pompeii that went something along these lines:

"We're going to Pompee tomorrow...... I've never been but I don't really understand all the excitement as I hear it's all ruins. We must take water as there's no shelter there, apparently. I hear there's a petrified dog too!"

Years ago in a pub heard one guy say to his friend: "not drinking tonight?" to which the friend replied: "nah, I'm on antibiotics, got gonorrhea AGAIN".

This summer one of my stepkids points out some swimming chicks. Amused I say that there aren't swimming chicks. DH interrupts me and points saying yes there are. I say no and they all join in pointing until I snatch up toddler DS and say very firmly, 'Look at the DUCKLINGS sweetheart.'

People were ever so polite in pretending they weren't listening to us argue.

A bloke once woke me and DH speaking to someone on his mobile outside our window.

'Mumble mumble mumble I'M NOT A PAEDOPHILE!'

Now if someone is speaking loudly outside we say they are definitely not paedophiles...

*she'd choose Steve

Buttercup has it

No, she got off at the other blokes stop! So that meant that the poor man on the bus had to STAY ON, knowing the rest of the bus had heard the whole thing with everyone shooting him pitying looks bless him. We all hoped he'd choose Steve (he looked like a Steve).

I was just lying on sofa, heard bloke go past, alone, not on phone, really loudly in a vair posh voice "oh, you unutterable cunt" to no one. me and DS were giggling like crazy.

Barbara did he just happen to have his twelve bore with him and a handy trailer? Not to mention the owners permission!

My Ds told me that he was on a London tube train yesterday and the driver said over the tannoy the following (roughly)...

"We are waiting for a train to leave the next station, then we'll be on our way once we get the green light" Then in an excited voice:
"Ok, we have a green light! I can drive the train now"

Overheard in a shopping centre, just now; a man saying "They don't call me 'the t-bone' for nothing you know!".

And now obviously I want to know why they do call him that...

Adorabelle - not a skull, a live stag! It was lying down in long grass! They'd have taken it if attached to a cleanish looking skull!

I was once at the theatre sitting in front of a lad of about ten who said to his mother "I can see the stage for that man's big fat head" to which she answered, mouth in gear, brain in auto-mode "That gentleman's big fat head, Johnnie!".

MerlotForone, , "a bit of training scheme" for anaesthetists can be considered a good financial move by NHS. Hope nobody reads it.

Oh newbie, it is real. At my best friend's wedding at a country pub a few years ago, a mutual friend who grew up in the city centre and didn't like to leave it, was in the beer garden and pointed at the neighbouring field
"What the hell is that?"
Me: "Er, that's a sheep?"
Friend: "Oh yeah, of course...I'm not used to being out in the wild"