Overheard on the bus

Overhead at the next table to us in the pub a couple of days ago:

Old Lady1: So what did you get your Billy for his birthday in the end?
Old Lady2: A downstairs toilet.
OL1: Lovely.
OL2: I didn't wrap it, mind.
OL1: Well you wouldn't, would you?
OL2: I wasn't going to have a repeat of Christmas.

At that point the waitress came to take our order, curse her, so we never did find out what happened at Christmas.

Catnuzzle we sometimes get emergency pizza! Its an extra dinner you pick up for the freezer 'just in case'.

On a commute a little girl who regularly got on with her mum and always climbs under chairs and runs up and down the Isles about 3, goes off to the loo but a man didn't see her mum and worried she would get locked in and said she shouldn't use the toilet without an adult. She stomps back to her mum loudly shouting and pointing "that STUPID man said no" he looked very embarrassed.

i was in a midwives waiting room and overhead a woman telling her (assumed) mum about ovulation, her mum snorted loudly with contempt, " ha,ovuulaation??!..didn't have it in my day!" hoiks bosom,

On holiday many years ago camping at Whitby I woke up one sunny morning and poked my head out of the tent to look around. It was silent apart from the birds.
The site was like a football field with the tents all around the edge . In the middle of the field was a large concrete loo and shower block.
Then a young girl about 14 came out of a tent on the left hand side and started walking to the loo. Just as she neared it another girl came out of the same tent and followed her. The first girl turned round and seeing the second one shouted in a loud Yorkshire accent that echoed round the field....
"JULIE...DONT FORGET THE ARSE WIPE!"

I saw a well-dressed and rather frustrated-sounding man at a train station having a very heated argument with his wife/partner on the phone. This went on until he shouted "WHAT DO YOU WANT, I'M AT THE TRAIN STATION, LOOK!" and took his phone from his ear and waved it around exaggeratedly as if it had suddenly become a video phone.

I had to really struggle to resist the temptation to go up beside him and loudly say "Great party, huh?!"

I went to a children's farm a couple of weeks ago and there was a man and his daughter looking at some sheep, I'd guess she was 5 years old and she went "baa baa black dick" and the dads jaw dropped and he turned round and shouted to his partner "GUESS WHAT SHE JUST SAID" and repeated it loudly so everyone could hear
I was gobsmacked!!

Seeing this pop up has reminded me of one. On my commute a few months back, I heard a child pipe up in a very exasperated tone:

'Mummy, I don't care about the large hadron collider!'

In Lidl (I love Lidl and thanks to a recommendation on Mumsnet I sampled a hazelnut praline pastry this week mmmm)

BF to GF: Are you sure you don't want to get an emergency pizza?

I chuckled to myself, wondering how this differed from an ordinary pizza and also imagining the conversations they must have had to arrive at their mutually understood phrase!

Last flight i went on the guy behind me kept going on and on about plane crashes the whole journey to the girl next to him, who didnt even know him!

After the election, a lady behind me was saying what a shame it was about "Nick Farage". Her friend agreed saying we need more people like him in politics. Half an hour later I still had no idea if they were Liberals or UKIP.

One Christmas eve I was in town shopping, the shops were due to close and I heard one man say to another in an absolutely delighted, lightbulb moment way: 'Coat hangers!'
I'd love to have seen the expression on the recipients face the next morning as s/he opened the inspired present.

Not exactly overheard but..
was on the bus yesterday, towards the back where the seats are higher, the bloke in front of me was texting his DW/DH/P whatever.. I was reading it over his shoulder and giggling to myself.. he text "aww baby I love you too and I had a sandwich for lunch from.." he was trying to type tesco.. tasco, tiscco, tesko, tescko.. in the end he put town I wanted to just tap him on the shoulder and tell him that he spelt it right the first time

LittleMilkNoSugar - Dan the man - Oh yes!

Overheard on the antenatal ward during my induction last year...

This couple were hilarious anyway, so up themselves, loudly making work calls and letting everyone know she was still working even though she was being induced (so was I, but mine was uni work ). At one point she had a contraction, made this long moo-ing sound and then to her husband -

'Quick, squeeze my head!'.

Oh and then they did a wordsearch, this oh-so-clever and worldly and businesslike couple...

Husband: 'Five letters, beginning with 'C', a raccoon-like creature'
Wife: 'Badger?'

We were silently howling

Two little boys, about 5 years old.
Singing 'Thriller' and talking about Michael Jackson

Two teenage boys on bus..

Boy 1: Can I come your house
Boy 2: Why, you've never asked before
boy 1: Cause I just want to come and look at your stuff, I won't touch anything
Boy 2: Nah, You ain't coming my house, bye and jumped off the bus!!

DH and I took DCs to a children's farm a couple of weeks ago and overheard the following conversation between two 30something women in the hatchery.
Woman 1: How come eggs that you buy from the shop don't hatch?
Woman 2: I think they must be laid outside, I think they only hatch into chicks if they're laid indoors or in an incubator.

I had to make a sharp exit to hide my laughter.

Overheard on the District Line tube in west London.

Elderly woman to elderly man: It was jolly cold in that crematorium.

I once overhead a young woman telling her mum that she needed to get another job really, and she was going to be a teacher "because it's easy and they get paid well"

On crowded train tonight, the train manager walked up to a Japanese student;

Manager: "Excuse me, a seat has just become vacant in the next carriage, would you like it".

Student: "I am sorry I have a cold".

Years ago in America, coming out of the cinema after watching Titanic.
Woman exclaims loudly "I didn't know it SANK at the end!"