Overheard on the bus

On the train to York, overheard an American lady say to her partner "Do ya think they called it York after New York? Or the other way round?"

Thank God he looked at her like she was crazy and put her right or I'd have had to have said something!!

I hope he told her that New York was not named for the place, but for a person: James Duke of York, who became King James II and VII.

overheard retired American tourists on the top of a London bus:

Her: We will see St Pauls's Cathedral soon.

(Sure enough St Pauls comes into view.)

Her: OOOOOH look it's St Paul's Cathedral!!

Him: That's not St Pauls Cathedral, that is just a little church!!

Me

At Victoria station, a family came from the concourse through the ticket barrier and walked down the platform to the front carriage of the train. The mother then looked around and asked "I have to face forward. Which way will the train pull out?'

Presumably not straight through the concourse.

Also at work a bright young colleague (PhD) asked me "What's the date?" "The thirteenth."

Oh ...... So when's the 15th?" "In two days' time".

" Oh..... Are you sure?"

Love it!!

Best one I heard was when I worked for a dive shop in Australia. They have pedestrian crossings that have an audible ringing sound. We used to pick the students up every morning and one morning when the mini bus was full, the last passenger was a young American.

Red lights at a pedestrian crossing and I stopped and the ringing sound began and the chap asked what that noise was. I replied "its a pedestrian crossing the noise is for blind people.” He said “that’s amazing, we don’t let blind people drive in America.” I laughed so hard I couldn’t drive away. He did actually realise as soon as he said it.

a few years ago, visiting friends in the midlands. On a bus heading towards Merry Hill shopping centre...

Old lady 1 : what are you shopping for?
old lady 2: just looking at stuff for my grandkids in that new shop they've opened.
OL1: oooh lovely! I like new shops when they've just opened! What's it called?
OL2: Toys Am We.

I still giggle at that every time we go to Merry Hill and pass Toys R Us.

On the train to York, overheard an American lady say to her partner "Do ya think they called it York after New York? Or the other way round?"

Thank God he looked at her like she was crazy and put her right or I'd have had to have said something!!

A few years ago I was on the bus in to town at night to meet friends. I live in a Northern city with a 'China Town' and it was around Chinese New Year so they had all the lanterns out etc. As we went past this an American lady turned to her friend and said "are those the northern lights".

And not on a bus but whilst on a tour of the Colosseum in Rome the tour guide told us how the gladiators fought tigers. Another American person on the tour piped up with "so Tigers are native round here then? I hope we don't see any".

As I peeked in the Harrods wedding department, pretending I was interested in making an appointment for a fitting ( I was planning my wedding at the time, I'm not just crazy wedding woman!)

Woman wearing HUGE PINK meringue of a dress, who was obviously doing her final fitting of dress, literally stamping feet, shrieking and crying ' I look like a footballer's wiiiiife!!!!'
Mother and shop assistant look on their faces was a picture of 'errr, what exactly did you think you would look like!!!!'
I've never seen anyone look quite so lost for words.

Passing by a few middle aged guys drinking lager by the canal when one of them utters "What kinda song is that? What the fuck is an agadoo anywiy?"

overheard on a bus...two teenagers behind me

Him - So are you going to the midnight showing of insert film of the moment here

her - erm...i dunno...what times it start.....

and at my mum and dads 25th anniversary party

guest 1 - giz some of yer cheesecake

guest 2 - get lost, get your own

guest 1 - if you dont give me some of yer cheese cake, I will snap yer spoon

guest 1 and guest 2 were 32 and 34 respectively......

There's this group of nursing students who take the same commuter train as me - they're always good for a laugh-slash-goosebumps. Recent example:

Student 1: ... and what's this synopsis thing again?
Student 2: It's like a connection between neutrons, innit?

And plenty more of the sort.

I may only have an A-level in biology and no professional training whatsoever but their level of ignorance makes me want to fall on my knees pray to any conceivable deity that I'll never require hospital treatment. Surely if your illness doesn't kill you hospital staff like this will.

They're also very entertaining.

My friend looks very young for her age, and is also a different race from her husband, so you might not assume they were together. Her dh was on a bus and knew she was getting on at the next stop, so annoyed several passengers by saving the seat next to him. When my friend got on and sat next to.him an old lady declared loudly 'ooh e's let that young girl sit down'. They probably thought he was an old perv.

Respectable, elderly couple in Boots:

Her: I think there's something wrang with my eye."
Him: I wish there was something wrang with yer fucking mooth!

In a queue for coffee in a cafe in rural Italy (very few English speakers) today I overheard two English men discussing, in normal volume voices, the crazy sex they had with prostitutes in Cambodia last month.

Both were wearing wedding rings

*helmet!

Not so much overheard but...

At a petrol station a lady stood by a motorbike spelled out Twix with her hands to her partner inside...He shook his head slowly. She then (in helemt) lowered her head in a really sad way. I still feel sorry for her and regret not getting her a Twix.

Daleks were doing the announcing on the District Line at Monument last week. Cheered me right up!

These are brilliant.

I once heard this on the London eye
Girl (to boyfriend) 'will we go upside down?'
And later
'Look that's the Eiffel Tower over there' (it was a telegraph pole)
Caused much amusement to our capsule :-)

Just found these and have been laughing at them for ages.

Last year I was travelling on the bus and two 'ladies' nearby were having a heated discussion. As far as I can remember went like this:

1st lady - 'No, I tell you, I am having mum's Estee Lauder Timeless'.
2nd lady - 'No she promised it to me'.
1st - 'Well i am having her Janet Reger bedspread'.
2nd roars - 'What the pink satin Janet Reger, NO'.
1st - 'And the Timeless'
2nd - 'You fucking cunt, I am having them, Mum promised them to me'.
1st - 'Is she coming out of hospital soon?'
2nd - 'it's not looking good, and i am having the Timeless AND the Janet Reger'.
1st - 'well you can pay for the fucking funeral if you are nicking her Timeless and Janet Reger'.

Their poor Mother. I had twenty minutes of this and was so absorbed i forgot to turn my i-pod on.

Not overheard, but my DS, when little, was always very excited when he knew that Farmer Christmas was coming. And DD (4), loves to have salt and bigenar on her chips. Her birthday is in Mobember.

Love this thread, hope you've all been madly eavesdropping and are ready to share!

Sitting on the ground at Reading Festival a long time ago, a young couple walked past, the girl trying and failing to shake a discarded beer can from her shoe.

Girl: There's a can stuck to my shoe.
Boy: It happens.

Also someone mentioned a couple of pragmatic ladies discussing the end of the world on 21 December 2012... I remember posting on Facebook, as a joke, 'Does anyone know where I can buy a new Mayan calendar?' and my DM (bless her) replying to say 'don't know, maybe check on Amazon?'.

Haha.
I once overheard my next door neighbours arguing
Woman: Why do I give a fuck about her?
Man: Because she's family!
W: No, she's your family, I didn't give birth to that
M: Oh here we go. I should have picked her fucking mother instead of you, at least she would have accepted your kids!

Another one. I was in hospital having a GTT. I'm on crutches. They set me up in a bed in the day unit, instead of the chairs, so that I was comfortable while I waited. An Asian woman comes in and they sit her on a chair opposite me. She started kicking off at the midwife
Woman: Why can't I have a bed?
Midwife: Theres only the one bed I'm afraid.
W: Well I want it
Mw: Well its in use.
W: If you do not move her immediately I will file a complaint
Mw: Ok you do that, can I just ask what your complaint is?
W: Yes you are racist!
Mw: Excuse me?
W: You are racist, only white people get to lie on a bed and be comfortable
Mw: In that case you best complain to my supervisor.
W: What?
Mw: Either complain to my supervisor or behave, but whatever you choose I presume you would like some monitoring now?
W: Well yes, that's what I'm here for
Mw: Well let me do my job, or would you prefer another midwife
W: No, you will have to do, the rest are white.

The midwife was black. She looked very exasperated when she reappeared from behind the curtain, and gave me a very apologetic look.

I was out shopping when I saw man and his daughter. The child had seen a toy she wanted and when told no. She screamed "But I want it" to which the dad calmly replied "I wanted a good little girl but I didn't get one!" That shut her up.