Overheard on the bus

I overheard a young man on his phone as he walked past me in the street:
"He's not a Project Manager! He's just a bloke who lives with his mum!"

More American ones!

My friend was at Edinburgh Castle and one American lady said to her friend 'how convenient to build the castle next to the railway line...'

And once when we were in Rome walking through the Forum an American lady was pointing out a stone block that had the middle carved out (about a meter tall) ' and that's where they lived because they were only tiny....'
Makes colosseum seem even more impressive.

On the tube in the middle of the day:

"So then she stuck the vibrator up my arse! I quite enjoyed it on my balls though."

A couple across from us when we went for a meal,

M - so I should really make more money from my house than he did as I have two, TWO, electrical sockets in my bedroom and he only has one. I mean I have TWO!

I was on the train from South Wales to London. There was a young and pretty blonde singer, quite famous who spoke Welsh. She was with a gaggle of friends and they were deafeningly loud! She was on the phone at one point so I only heard her side of the conversation, in welsh, but with the occasional word that either travels well or has no Welsh translation.

"Blah blah blah blah blah goodbye blah blah blah blah OK blah blah blah blah leather bondage!"

Is there really no Welsh word...

I once cycled past two men who were jogging together just as one of them said "so then she sucked me off on the balcony". I wish I'd heard the rest of it.

My Ex and I lived on a busy street in London in a fairly rough area. Our flat was first floor and with windows open in summer we often got woken up by drunk people. One night I was woken up by a woman rowing with her boyfriend. I think that she kept stopping and he'd walk off and she'd shout at him to come back. I was really annoyed and thought hurry up and go away. However it was worth waking up to hear her then say "Oi - come back. Come 'ere, come back I've pissed me self".

Classy! And why would that be an incentive for him to come back?

Yesterday on the tram, two older teenage boys. Their whole conversation was fantastic but the bit that really stuck in my head was when they were discussing one of their dads:
1- me and Gemma went to see him last week
2- oh right how is he?
1- same as normal, really shit, just lies on the mattress all day, he's not even going out now
2- is he still on the crack then?
1- yeah yeah, he's right fucked up. And he owes £600 for it and all now
2- £600, he could get shot for that
1- I hope he does get shot, it'll teach him a lesson... not killed though, just his knees or something

Overhead through an open window whilst walking down the street I used to live on:

"Well it ain't me oo's just come back from Dubai wiv a faaahsand paaahnd carpet, Karen!!"

Overheard at a wildlife park-

Little girl aged around 6: Muuuuuuum! Come and look, they're so cute!
Her mum: what are they?
Little girl: baby whales!

(They were otters )

Teenagers on a bus. "Last new year grandma was very drunk. She was so sick, she vomited her dentures down the toilet!"

Elderly ladies:
"I let out my spare room to a young girl. She started bringing in various men. I thought -- young people need to have their fun. But once she brought in a married man. His wife found out, came in and smashed everything up. Will never let room to young women ever again!"

A couple of years ago, I was on the bus in front of two older ladies.

OL1: Isn't it amazing what they can now with their special telescopes.
OL2: Yes, but I don't believe them.
OL1: Who?
OL2: NASA, I don't believe they exist. It's just a scam to get your money, like banks.

I never managed to follow her logic on that one.

Overheard in supermarket:

"I don't know whether to have salmon or fish for dinner"

Muslim man, in the chinese takeaway: Is the meat halal?
Chinese woman: Is hello?
Muslim man: No, halal.
Chinese woman: Yes, hello!
This went on for some time until he ordered a vegetable dish.

Last year a colleague was given the task of ringing round clients with pets who had arthritis to see if they would be interested in a trial of some new food that was supposed to help.
A few calls later we overheard her saying: "That's great Mrs xx, I'm really glad to hear that Mr Tinkles isn't stiff any more".
The rest of the office cracked up around her, but to her credit she kept a straight face until the end of the phone call.

I also remember going to a cafe with my parents when younger. DF ordered a toasted ham and cheese sandwich, and DM and I had hot meals. A few mins after ordering one of the girls came back out and said to him "I'm very sorry but we can't do your sandwich as the dishwasher is broken!"

Overheard in New York, two very posh American woman discussing summer holidays:
"But Europe is no place to take a child"

Heard on the night bus last week:

GF: I think the 24 hour shop will have some.

BF: Ok, but will it still be open?

Amazing conversation between two women on a train:

Woman 1: sighs We've got a new rescue cat but she can be a bit aggressive.

Woman 2: oh dear, why's that?

Woman 1: I think she's feeling insecure

Woman 2: Ahh, because she's in a new place?

Woman 1: No, because she's blind and she's only got half a tail.

Not really an overheard conversation but MartinaJ's story remided me Years ago we were in Miami airport, we being me and DH before we were married. We had a long wait for the fight and decided to get something from a pizza buffet place. The 3 or 4 pizza choices were displayed behid a couter and there was a woman taking orders. DH's English wasn't that good then and he still couldn't pronouce H words (as the H is silent in Portuguese) so instead of asking for ham pizza he was asking for 'am pizza. The woman didn't understand him asked him to repeat a couple of times and then said "Do you speak English or what?" To which DH replied "I speak what".

I said he wants ham to which she replied "oh haaaaem, why didn't you say that?". Since then we've always called ham "haaaaaem" in a Southern US drawl.

Years ago I was at a little city petting zoo. There were a few goats and a couple of sheep. One mother piped up "look Hunter, those are goats and those little guys next to them are their babies", Unfortunately my mother, who I was with at the time, actually snorted.

In my teens I was walking past Big Ben one day and overheard a American tourist say to his son "That's the biggest church in the world" how he managed to make a transatlantic crossing without hurting himself, I'll never know.

There was a very tragic conversation a friend overheard at the doctors waiting room "What do you want to do now then Colin?", Colin replied, "Go and see mum". The reply came "Mum's dead" to which Colin responded "Oh, alright, chips then".

On a London bus an older quite posh woman said to her friend "Did you have a nice dinner with your son and his wife?" and the reply came in an equally posh accent "Oh lovely, but we didn't have dinner, just a little coup d'etat" she pronounced it perfectly!

Ooh, another one, possibly one of my favourite moments ever.

A former colleague volunteered for a bat charity and had a licence to handle and monitor them. She'd been asked to release a bat that had been injured but someone had taken it to a vet's a fair way away from where it was found. She rang up the vet so we only could hear her side of the conversation in a quiet office.

She explained who she was etc and said she needed to arrange to pick up the bat.

Conversation went rather like this:
"Well, it's a bat. Someone brought it in yesterday."
... "I don't know. It's a bat."
..."It's probably the only bat you've got there."
..."It's a bat. I don't think it has a name."

At the last one we all POSL.

'So how was your trip to Italy?'
'We had a lovely time although the food was awful'
'How was it awful?'
'Well, if you ordered pizza or lasagne, that's all you got, no chips, no peas, no nothing'

On the train to York, overheard an American lady say to her partner "Do ya think they called it York after New York? Or the other way round?"

Like my overhearing in a theatre, mostly emptied for the interval, 2 student age American women in front of me. Lull in conversation and gaze lights on a lit statement above door.

"Why do you think they call the exit 'Way Out'? It's like... 'waay out'."

When a particularly wanky conversation was held on a table next to us in Cambridge, without too much trouble taken to check the volume, DH conspicuously started to blow bubbles through a straw in the lower remainder of his ice and fizzy drink, then furiously slurped it up loudly. You had to be there, probably.

One young American student on a bus, talking to a girl he clearly tried to impress with his talk about how his parents are obliged to finance his trave around the world because he wants to go into politics and needs the knowledge.
Next I'm going to spend 3 months in Brazil to improve my Spanish.
Us: Roared with laughter till we had tears streaming down our faces.
The girl pipes in: Oh, I thought they speak Portuguese in Brazil.
Him: Swift change of monologue topic.