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Original poster

Overheard on the bus

360 replies

AdventuringAbout · 28/12/2014 14:43

Man to partner: It's a lovely day for a walk in the park...
Woman: It is, but there are lots of other things we must do today.

Man: like what?
Woman: well, for one thing, I need to check all the use-by dates of things in the fridge.

Suddenly my day of nappy changes and playing trains seemed much less dull Grin

Any good eaves-dropping round your way?

OP posts:
HalfSpamHalfBrisket · 28/12/2014 17:56

Another easyjet announcement, by slightly camp steward. ..." on your life jacket is a whistle, to attract passing sailors"

Thegoosenotthegander · 28/12/2014 17:51

I was in the theatre once and heard a quite posh sounding women declare to her friend, 'and then he got his penis out and I thought, good on you! '

Original poster
AdventuringAbout · 28/12/2014 17:50

These are fab. They have reminded me of the pair of older ladies at the next table to us when we were on honeymoon (it was a hotel where you had the same table every night). We assumed they must have eaten somewhere and seen vegans get a special menu, so they declared themselves vegan:

Woman 1: oh what's this?
Waiter: baked aubergines madam
Woman 1: oh I can"t eat that, I'm vegan.
(This went on for about three different offerings, all totally acceptably vegan)
Finally the waiter asked for her suggestion:
Woman 1: oh just bring me a nice bit of chicken or something.

The next night they were gluten intolerant Grin

OP posts:
PoppySausage · 28/12/2014 17:48

Train announcement here too - train from London to Manchester Piccadilly - driver asked everyone to refrain from playing Quidditch while the train was moving

This was when Harry potter was first out

Lozzapops · 28/12/2014 17:44

Oh TheQuibbler, yours reminded me for some reason of when I was on an Easyjet flight years ago, the pilot made all his safety announcements and added "in case of emergency, oxygen will be provided through the overhead masks, free of charge!.

Lozzapops · 28/12/2014 17:42

My favourite ever "overheard" moment, I was walking through city centre and heard a little boy, about 7, shout to his mum "Mummy! Look mummy! Look! A Cote Brasserie!"

Honestly, I thought kids got excited about McDonald's, not Cote!

WalkWithTheLonelyOnes · 28/12/2014 17:41

Group of girls on the back of the bus wearing a local high school uniform.

"Well I told my mum she can't tell me what to do anymore. I told her I'm fourteen now mum so you can fuck off "

I was just sat there like this. Shock Confused Grin

TheQuibbler · 28/12/2014 17:31

Sort of overheard - this was a few years ago travelling home on the tube, Friday evening, knackered.

Tube driver as he pulls into Kings Cross (which is also next to the Eurostar terminus) : "And let's keep going shall we? Who fancies a night out in Paris? No? OK next stop, Angel. Mind the doors."

Still makes me smile.

Hexiegone · 28/12/2014 17:19

A wee girl on the bus declared that if she ever had a baby she would call it Toby Wan Kenobi Grin

alltoomuchrightnow · 28/12/2014 17:07

Henrylady and duck teens have made my day thank you I needed that big belly laugh!

Trills · 28/12/2014 16:51

A group of men on the tube were singing Islands in the Stream yesterday.

Comingfoccacia · 28/12/2014 16:46

Pissed off man declaring loudly to his wife "i told you the best thing to do was puree it!" whilst walking through the market.

PoppySausage · 28/12/2014 16:46

Years ago my mum eaves dropped two elderly ladies talking about Christmas

'You going out Boxing Day?!' One shouted at the other while sitting legs akimbo flashing everything

We now use 'going out boxing day' as code for someone who is flashing their knickers!!

SoonToBeSix · 28/12/2014 16:37

Love the Henry Hoover lady.

calzone · 28/12/2014 16:35

2 vair vair posh ladies in Aldi Grin

'Oh Muriel, look.....a chorizo sausage with it's own board.....£4! That is definitely going into Hugo's hamper.....'

CaptainAnkles · 28/12/2014 16:31

'All her blood turned to milk' Shock Brilliant Grin

Tealady1983 · 28/12/2014 16:30

Loving this Grin

GlitzAndGigglesx · 28/12/2014 16:29

Man: "I do like her she's just stiff"

Woman: "what do you mean she's stiff?"

Man: "when she walks she looks really stiff so I couldn't walk next to her"

Eh?!

alltoomuchrightnow · 28/12/2014 16:28

(yes, she photographed Debbie's lipo)

alltoomuchrightnow · 28/12/2014 16:27

this is a few years ago, and have shared it on here before but it cracks me up so much.
In the tea room where I was working and two women sat down with their coffees, one flicking through her phone showing the other her photos -

'and this is one of all the stuff that Our Debbie had sucked out of her'

Original poster
AdventuringAbout · 28/12/2014 16:24

Some of these have made my day. I especially like the duck/bird conundrum!

OP posts:
fluffyraggies · 28/12/2014 16:11

Overheard by a volunteer at a lunch club:

Elderly Lady 1: ''Did you hear? Doris has died!''

Elderly Lady 2: ''No! Poor Doris. Was she at home?''

EL 1: ''Yes. Her daughter found her. Very sad.''

EL 2 ''Was the doctor called?''

EL1 ''Yes, - but he said there was nothing he could do ... because, apparently all her blood had turned to milk!!''.

EL 2: ''Good gawd!''

GnomeDePlume · 28/12/2014 15:59

On holiday in south of France, we are at a viewing point looking over a lake. It's a big lake but you can still see all sides of it. An American Harley Davidson motorcycle tour group pulls up into the viewing point. One rider says to the other:

'Is that that Mediterranean sea?'

Dwerf · 28/12/2014 15:57

Students in the pound shop

student 1: What day is Halloween?
student 2: Thursday
student 1: yes, but what date?
student 2: 31st.
student 3: really? wasn't it on the 31st last year too?
student 2: it's on the 31st every year!
student 1: oh? I thought it moved?

SeaUnicorns · 28/12/2014 15:47

It's a year ago now but i still remember the conversation and it came up in my time hop recently
Middle aged mother and 20 something daughter, obvously been having conversation with bus driver before I got on

Daughter; you can't live without red meat
Mother: well vegetarians seem to manage
daughter: they eat meat
Mother: no they just eat vegetables (then to the bus driver) don't you
Driver: well and Quorn
Daughter: that's meat
Driver: no it's mushrooms.
Daughter: but you can't live without meat!

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