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Original poster

Someone in a work meeting today said 'jizz it up' instead of jazz it up

280 replies

MrsBertMacklin · 02/12/2014 22:54

...and I was the only person who laughed.

That was the highlight of my day. Shit.

OP posts:
Izzy101 · 05/12/2014 23:26

Confused My mum was a high school teacher and on the last day of term asked the class what their choice of subject would be for discussion. the pupils were teenagers and said 'sex'. My mother, wanting to be modern and open minded said 'well, okay, but you have to respect the fact that in my day sex was strictly under the table'. She never lived it down.Confused Confused

valrhona · 05/12/2014 22:50

Meandered into the pet shop one afternoon following my Dad, (who enjoys the local wild life in the garden), just in time to overhear Dad ask the nice man behind the counter if he had fat balls. I turned around and walked out again.

GiantGaspingSatanicCyst · 05/12/2014 20:28

Pearl Nicholas!

Fannydabbydozey · 05/12/2014 20:24

My husband and I at the registrar with our newborn;

Me: he's called Harry Alexander
Registrar: is that your name? (Looks to husband)
Husband: no I hate my names. Particularly my middle name.
Registrar: oh surely not!
Husband: it's Kanti (pronounced so it sounds very like Cunty)
Me: (without thinking) it's a family name. Every male has it. Well not this one, (nods at husband) he's the last cunt in the family.

I honestly meant to say the name but cunt just fell out.

FiloFunky · 05/12/2014 19:40

yesterday i said to my boss

do you want me on the floor tomorrow?

(i meant working out on tbe factory floor...) he just laughed for about 5 mins.... Grin Grin Grin

CPtart · 05/12/2014 19:36

DH works with a woman called Pearl Nicholas! He just told me on reading this thread, and we've spent the last ten minutes sniggering!

NotAnotherNewNappy · 05/12/2014 19:05

Cried (with laughter) all the way home on the train. A senior colleague of mine was once complaining that, since he didnt have a team, he'd have to have a festive Xmas meal alone. I replied "yes, and you'll have to pull your own cracker" then fell about with the giggles [immature].

glidingpig · 05/12/2014 19:03

I LOVE this thread and am wheezing with laughter at Mega Clitz. Amazing.

Izzy101 · 05/12/2014 19:02

Ok so this really REALLY isn't funny but my elderly father was asked at the Church how his neighbour friend was as she had become ill after flying home from Australia. He said sadly she had passed away due to 'deep throat thrombosis'. I had a delicate cup of coffee in my hand at the time and had just taken a sip. I almost choked. I think he meant deep vein thrombosis - as I say, either way I really really couldn't laugh.

vanillabird · 05/12/2014 18:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

vanillabird · 05/12/2014 18:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

GeekyQueen · 05/12/2014 18:29

I once typed a letter to Hampshire C*nty Council. Luckily my boss noticed...

Pointlessfan · 05/12/2014 18:18

We once had to google tea bagging at school after one of the kids said it to another kid and nobody knew if it was inappropriate or not! That was an enlightening day in the staff room, someone suggested a training day to cover it!

Arkengarthdale · 05/12/2014 18:03

Penrith station

www.bimmerfest.com/photos/data/500/theplacetobe.jpg

Arkengarthdale · 05/12/2014 18:01

I've just had to google tea bag Blush

Wish I hadn't bothered...

Olinguito · 05/12/2014 17:18

My aunt doesn't like the way that the inside lane on the M25 is often dedicated to traffic leaving the motorway, or as she often puts it: "I hate the way that if you're in the inside lane you keep getting sucked off".

chuichi · 05/12/2014 17:17

Our company is very flexible when it comes to work and working from home is very common. People tend to send emails to all-staff to say they're working from home that day. Once an email came from a colleague titled "WTF today" instead of "WFH today" Grin

YooHooCuntMerryKissMyAss · 05/12/2014 17:14

These are so funny off to see if I can think of any I have heard/said/typed.

Germgirl · 05/12/2014 16:50

First time my now DH met my parents the conversation somehow turned to haircuts.
DH was telling us all about the cheap barbers he goes to & saying I should go there too, "after all, it's only £15 for a cut and blow.............job"
My stepmother hooted with laughter & nearly fell off her chair, dad looked confused and DH went red & tried to vanish into thin air.

Postchildrenpregranny · 05/12/2014 16:30

In Team Meeting, viewing initial drafts for some publicity, I said, without thinking,' we can't have those ,they look like sperm' .Stunned silence then colleagues including boss fell about laughing (I was right too, we had it re-designed) Bear in mind I was the staid,married mother of two ,while rest of team much younger and 'cooler' . I just don't think they expected it from me

StuntCodPiece · 05/12/2014 16:19

"I love anal!" Grin

"Just nipping out for a Tommy Tank" GrinGrin

"Tea bag me baby" GrinGrinGrin

"No you cunt" GrinGrinGrinGrin

happystory · 05/12/2014 16:01

And can I just say I have had a shit day at work and this has made me laugh so much thank you all!

Fennijer · 05/12/2014 15:59

I had a meal with a company director in a top restaurant, who ordered a tossed salad. The salad arrived chopped. He started to say in a very loud voice, 'i said tossed! Toss it man!' I wouldn't have eaten the salad that came back from the kitchen

pandagal · 05/12/2014 15:59

I once wrote an email to my colleague, Angus. But I missed out the 'g'.

He didn't reply.

happystory · 05/12/2014 15:59

A colleague of mine was telling us about a problem her sister was having at work and said ' If it goes on much longer, she's going to have to report it to the head poncho.'