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Original poster

Someone in a work meeting today said 'jizz it up' instead of jazz it up

280 replies

MrsBertMacklin · 02/12/2014 22:54

...and I was the only person who laughed.

That was the highlight of my day. Shit.

OP posts:
ineedsomeinspiration · 03/12/2014 07:12

My brother once addressed a job application letter dear sir or madman. Didn't realise till it was in the post. This was years ago and I still chuckle when I think about it.
By the way my MD would laugh if someone said Jizz it up in a meeting but our meetings are generally light hearted and accompanied by cakes.

StickyProblem · 03/12/2014 07:10

OMG DeadCert! One of those nightmare errors that the spell check will miss! Spell checks should be updated for words that are correct but you almost certainly didn't mean them in a work context, e.g. "pubic".

I work with Europeans so they wouldn't laugh at jizz either. In fact one of them kept saying "spunk" instead of "Splunk" (Splunk is a technology company) and I had to say "Please, PLEASE, never make that mistake in front of British people because they will howl with laughter". This guy does a lot of presentations so it's a real possibility he would say it in front of an audience.

They didn't really believe me, they thought I was being difficult as usual

alteredimages · 03/12/2014 07:09

This isn't dirty but I once wrote in a nursery report for a child who has favism (G6PD deficiency, where eating beans and pulses causes haemolytic anaemia and often requires a blood transfusion) that he had been 'full of beans' that day. His mother didn't speak good English and thought we had fed him beans. Blush

Here there are several branches of the burger chain Fuddruckers, and the advertising features a happy family sitting eating burgers with the words "fudds to go" under it. I can't go past any of the branches without completely losing it and it is not as though I can explain the joke to MIL...

There is also a shop called Pido Gift Shop near my house which specializes in stuffed toys and chocolate.

MistyMistletoe · 03/12/2014 07:06

Farmer Giles Grin

ArchangelGallic · 03/12/2014 07:06

I use the word "account" a lot at work.

I might once have spelled it "acocunt" in a staff email.

Iristutu · 03/12/2014 07:04

KiNd retards

That is the funniest thing I have read for a long time. just spat on iPad

spidey66 · 03/12/2014 07:04

I work in a Community Mental Health Team. One of the GPs in the srea is called Dr Giles. Informally we refer to him as Farmer Giles. I was in an important meeting once within another department and accidentally referred to him as Farmer Giles. Cue much laughter, and me all embarrassed going ''Dr Giles, I mean Dr Giles.''

LadyIsabellaWrotham · 03/12/2014 07:02

Are you sure they didn't say "zhuzh it up" (many other spellings are available) and you misheard?

MistyMistletoe · 03/12/2014 07:02

Thanks June and odd . That one went totally over my head. You learn something nes every day.

DeadCert · 03/12/2014 06:59

I once signed off an email "Kind Retards" instead of "Kind Regards."

I honestly don't understand how that happened as I would never, ever use that word.

Mistake was made all the worse due to the fact that at the time I was working for a learning disability charity. It was horrendous. And the error was pointed out to me by my boss.

I've gone red just recalling it.

LittlePhobia · 03/12/2014 06:56

In a team meeting a few weeks ago my boss drew a diagram on the white board which to me looked exactly like a giant cock.

Cue vigorous sniggering from me and me only Confused

juneybean · 03/12/2014 06:55

At least a decade, we used it in school Grin

OddBoots · 03/12/2014 06:55

Misty Since I was at school at least and I'm in my mid-thirties so at least 20 years.

OhMyActualDays · 03/12/2014 06:53

My mum still calls cats "pussy". Show me your pussy is guaranteed a laugh at Christmas!

MistyMistletoe · 03/12/2014 06:52

Since when? Just curious June

MistyMistletoe · 03/12/2014 06:51

Really Shock Blush Thanks ... scurries away...

juneybean · 03/12/2014 06:46

Jizz is sperm

MistyMistletoe · 03/12/2014 06:34

I really don't know ... Mind you I say this as someone who after having a night out with the girls returned to the office next day and asked what a MILF was!

I've led a sheltered life.

MistyMistletoe · 03/12/2014 06:33

Blush what's the J word as in Jizz?

echt · 03/12/2014 06:13

This is not a gaffe, but there's an iced lolly in Australia called Golden Gaytime, with the catchy tag: "it's hard to have a Gaytime on your own."

So far as I'm aware Australians do not think it's funny.

minkymuskyslyoldstoaty · 03/12/2014 06:12

my cat has a nickname. my mother has adapted that nickname. she doesn't know about the j word.

mother- 'here jizz, come on jizzy jiz jiz'
Blush Confused

isitsnowingyet · 03/12/2014 05:55

Oh my Grin that is funny awkwardsquad

All of these are are funny actually, but that really made me laugh

IDismyname · 03/12/2014 05:48

I was at an auction a few weeks ago with a gf. A large box of china figures came up. It was mainly cats in various poses, different sizes, shapes etc.

Auctioneer (doing 200 lots an hours) titles them "a box of pussies".

We didn't know where to look we were laughing so much. We seemed to be the only ones in the room that found it funny.

AwkwardSquad · 03/12/2014 05:24

I once said in a meeting that a (male) colleague could knock one out pretty quickly. I meant that he could make a webpage quickly. I could hear Frankie Boyle in my head as soon as I said it.

Valpollicella · 02/12/2014 23:31

Mrs I would have pissed myself - kudos for notGrin

I oncw got told to "spunk" something up. nearly bit my own tongue off