Parents of older kids- looking back what was important and what wasn't?

As the mother of a child who turned out to have a genetic disease (diagnosed at 11) and mental illness (diagnosed at 12), I would say....trust your instincts. If I had a dollar for every time I was told that I was imagining my son's symptoms/illness/erratic behavior and that the real issues was that I just needed to _ (be stricter, less strict, nicer, meaner, more interested, less interested, more attentive, less attentive, sign him up for soccer/swimming/karate/baseball), I would be a millionaire.

Forgive yourself.

Take photos and store them or print them before your camera freezes.

Manners and respect. I raised my daughter on my own. She is the most polite and pleasant 20 year old I know. I had so many doubts through those years making every decision on my own i didn't have anybody to take the slack, I just had to go with my gut and my daughter has turned out to be a lovely bright young lady. Constant encouragement and praise works wonders.

Tbh I was just led by them but I couldn't afford the latest clothes every other week but they seemed quiet happy with the friends they had \have

I think you can help them to fit in.Yes.

Ps the pain of sending them to uni- probably nicer than seeing them off to a psych unit I'd be ecstatic to see mine off to uni.

I have 2 teens and two younger ones. I feel like I'm having a second attempt at parenting in a way! I make sure they know they are loved, don't stress over the small stuff and big them up all the time

Im confused about the fitting in comments of course teenagers want to fit in but I don't think parents can do anything to make them fit in can they?

No I don't suppose you do. It doesn't make it invalid though.
Tganks though. You and usual have given me just the kick I need to de reg. Ta. X

Great thread btw

Oh and give me childbirth over the pain of sending them off to uni any day of any week

I don't understand this at all.
My ds went off to University in Sept, and when we visited last weekend, I felt nothing but pride in the way he was doing so many things - from managing his money, to teaching his flatmate to cook, from getting along with new friends to coping with his washing, from getting up and getting to lectures on time, to being man enough to ask me for advice when faced with things he'd not done before. Showed me we must have done something right - I certainly don't understand why that would bring you pain.

I don't need to be told what to feel thanks. Jeepers. It's not like I told them.

Oh and don't get too het up about handwriting in primary. Ime comps are far more relaxed thank goodness and rather more interested in content. Also ime your average unis are far more interested in AS levels than a string of A stars at gcse. Worth finding out in advance if you can so they know the world won't ennd ic they just do ok.

I don't think you should feel pain when they go to uni either.

That's what you aim for. For them to be adults and have their own lives.

Haven't read the full thread properly yet but looks like there is some great advice which I most definitely need. I could have write your OP daniel especially the constant worrying!

I think that you should let them be who ever they want to be. Be that fitting in or not.

They are them, not you

Comment of 23.55 that is.

Slow wine fingers on phone.

Following on from usual if they don't fit in with their peers because of who they are themselves, do support them in that 100% as long as they are not harmful to themselves or others. Speaking from experience, a person who is confident in their geekiness is better off than someone who just doesn't fit in and then ferls totally shit about it. Support and acceptance from home is vital and much better than even more pressure to conform. I think.

I've always been quite a realxed parent to be honest.
It didn't bother me that d.d was not potty trained till nearly 3.
It did not bother me that d.d had her bottle till she was nearly 8
It never bothered me when she had a tantrum , they're normal.
There is no perfect mum so I don't try to be one.

It doesn't matter if they don't go to university.

Let them make their own choices, even if it's not the choice you and all your friends and family make.

Oh and give me childbirth over the pain of sending them off to uni any day of any week.

Just love them. Lots. Hug them. Smell the tops of their heads while you still can.
Don't sweat the small stuff as most of it will be fine in the long term and if it isn't, well you'll deal with it.

I need this thread

Mine are 17 and 12

The things I've got right...

Never make an empty threat
Never make an empty promise

Errrm that's about it for my wisdom!

My kids are 22 and 14. The eldest is doing her PGCE and is currently on placement teaching your youngsters . I've lived by the mantra of take them everywhere and tell them everything. Also I think that you give them roots till they're 18 then you give them wings cliché city . I've been very lucky though, ours are brilliant girls who will be brilliant women.

Chose your battles wisely would be my view. I've got friends who wouldn't let their kids have their navels pierced at 14, for example. My view was if that was the extent of their rebellion, then all's fine.