If you fart in the bath

At work I once farted the entire length of a corridor, a colleague clapped when I finished I had no idea they had been sat round the corner and had heard every sound barrier breaking explosion.

dione I am dying !!

This is awesome: fart caught on infra red camera
m.youtube.com/watch?v=Is97VfTZtJU&feature=youtu.be

My mother used to tell me ladies don't fart. Spent years hoping I wasn't a boy, then I heard her farting, I was and and relieved. Mostly relieved.

Oh god I am weeping. DD wants to know why. I cannot tell her that Mummy is laughing at fart wanks.

The other day I thought I had pulled off a silent fart when standing next to DH in the kitchen. But the fucker (the fart, not DH) crept right up my bum crack and burst out at the top with an audible POP. DH pretended not to notice.

We all like a good fart here. I have to remind ds's that this is 'home humour' and not to be done in front of anyone else/ not at a friends house/ not in posh restaurants etc!

I almost forgot a good "I'm going to fart son" in our house is

"Here comes another one just like the other one, doo doo, da doo doo doo FART".

Inspired by PP and ending sentences with a trump

The creme de la creme of fart disasters has to be any the dreaded (da da DAA)......

Shart.

Horrendous.

Another fart incident actually involves my dd when she was a couple of weeks old. Back when her poo was still curds and whey, a curd seed was still on her bottom hole, she guffed and it flew straight into my mouth.

Panic ensued.

I had a truly frightening fart experience a few weeks ago. I was on my own so not concerned about any embarrassment but as I er 'erupted', the fart seemed to take on a life of it's own and travel around my pants like a wee bubble before it finally broke free. I wondered what the hell was going on and it vexed me greatly.

I am laughing at this thread so much I farted.

I've also reported it for Classics.

I have recently switched from thongs to large pants. It would appear that thongs act as a very effective 'fart muffler', whilst large pants allow my cheeks to rub together in the style of a grass whistle.

I'm sure DH thinks I fart twice as much now I'm pg, in fact, he can just hear them now. It's quite impressive.

Penelope
When I first heard that joke the butler was called Willoughby

Are the particles gaseous or solid poo particles? Surely my bum is too tight to let solids slip out unnoticed

Hgfcdddsdx

My best friend and I once went away for a weekend where we started the day with a full on English breakfast. On the 2nd night we were safely tucked up in our respective beds when I suddenly farted - it was one of those bubbly ones that you can actually feel traveling inside before letting rip. I just KNEW it would smell rank (it did!) so muttered sorry and kept the sheets tight around me. Not 2 minutes later she did the same.

That was the start of a very giggly evening as we both took turns producing super loud, eggy farts for quite some time

Reported for classics. I am crying with silent laughter.

The decent thing to do is to get a dog so you can blame any farts on the dog.
Only down side is when the dog farts (wow!)
Farting is hilarious and DH & I routinely try to time sentences to end in a trump
I do worry about farting around food as obviously the poopicles might settle on food. Bath farts are indeed the creme de la creme of farts. 'Forward escaping farts' sound like a little self-congratulating clap. Well done Hotfuzz, they say. I don't like FEFs in front of DH in case he thinks it was a fanny fart

I seem to attract badminton partners who fart on court. I once had one of those chats behind you hands in the middle of a county match with my ladies doubles partner in which she announced that 'Every time I move a fart comes out. I am like eek...eeek...eeeeeek....all round the court'.

I think of this every time I see them discussing tactics on the TV.

My mixed doubles partner used to hold up his hand, apologise, walk off the court, let rip, wait a polite 5 seconds then come back on.

penelope

You might want to post on this thread too :o

Here's one I've been telling for twenty years - still love it:

Old Lord in the bath - rings the bell and in comes his Butler, Waddle

Lord: "Can you get me a whisky please Waddle?"
Waddle leaves- comes back with a whisky

The Lord rings the bell again, and in comes Waddle

Lord: "Can you get me a cigar please Waddle?"
Waddle leaves- comes back with a cigar

As Waddle leaves the bathroom the Lord lets out a loud underwater fart.

5 mins later Waddle comes back in with a hot water bottle

The old Lord says "Why have you brought that?"

Waddle says "Well as I was leaving I distinctly heard you say "what about a water bottle Waddle"

Works best if you say the last bit very fast

Bath farts often sound like "Edward Woodward".

My sister says they sound like "gotta bigger bubble?!" but that doesnt really translate in text, you need to hear her say it :o

Question at a slight tangent: do your labia get bigger/longer with age (like ears do in men)? My front exiting farts seem to be causing more flap than they once did

Oh the reverse fart! I had one of those last week waiting for DD to come out of the Physiotherapists! They can be louder, which is weird!

Bath farts often sound like "Edward Woodward".