If you fart in the bath

Ok seriously its nearly 4am and I just laughed out loud at this!

I've woken ds up with my laughing so that's my punishment for reading mn at this ungodly hour. Thanks ladies!

Fairy borrow a toddler, you can blame anything on them! I can lend you mine if you like :o

I now have tears running down my face at the pockets of air in Currys

I guess I have something to be grateful for being single

Exh used to 'waft' the covers that's why he's my ex

I can't leg it Bogey, I walk with crutches so I can only hobble!

This thread is making me proper laugh!

The roof caving in....so funny!

More recently, we were in Wilkos looking at something and he scurried off! I was stood there and smelt a rancid smell. The bastard had farted and left, so it looked like I had done it. The other people in the aisle looked at me as if I was a filthy cow!

DSis and I used to do this to each other but realised that the manic giggles gave us away. So now if one of us says "Leg it!" we know that the other one had let one go and we have our fits of giggles somewhere else in the shop! I am 41 and she is 39, there is no age limit on fart humour in my world!

Oh god DH is terrible for farting in shops!

In fact we were wandering round Curry's today - each meandering separately - and I could practically retrace his steps with my eyes shut. Every so often I'd come across a small pocket of stinky air where he'd paused, perused an item, dropped a little puff and moved on

Two situations guaranteed to result in a good fart are (1) on waking. I swear dh knows to stick the kettle on for my morning brew when he hears the massive morning trump and (2) getting in the car after a day at work. Sometimes I then realise that I have to collect someone one the way home so drive there in the pissing rain with the windows wide open so I dont gas them when they get in.

I still cringe at the memory of going into the public loos at the same time as my new MIL and hearing her fart as she sat down.
You don't expect MILs to do that.

I remember when DH first farted near me.

We hadn't been going out long and he came to see me in the nurses halls of residence. I'd cooked him a meal, and had just taken the plates back to the kitchen and came back to my room. As I opened the door the stench hit me and it was so bad I heaved! He was mortified, but I started to laugh because I couldn't believe a human could make that smell!

More recently, we were in Wilkos looking at something and he scurried off! I was stood there and smelt a rancid smell. The bastard had farted and left, so it looked like I had done it. The other people in the aisle looked at me as if I was a filthy cow!

I have a theory about the effect of reduced atmospheric pressure (aircraft cabins) on the volume of intestinal gas. I am in no doubt At All that a good 'rolling rumbler' session is highly likely during a flight - and, interestingly, they don't smell as much as at ground level. Thoughts, anyone?

I still remember a fart I did when I was about 14.

We were staying in a chalet in the new forest and my parents had gone to the on site club for a drink. I didn't want to go so I stayed behind. I was sat doing a crossword, at the little table on a chair that had a plastic, padded seat.

Felt the urge and being alone, let fly.

It sounded like ripping fabric and lasted for a good 8 seconds. I know this because I started timing it when it became clear that it was going to be an unusually long one.

It was so memorable that if anyone ever mentions chalets or the new forest the first thing that springs to mind isn't ponies or trees; it's "that really really long fart"

Pacific just HOW did you learn of that article?

"splatter ring"

This is hysterical - why do I always read these threads before I try to sleep ?

My bottom usually produces farts of no consequence.

One night in 2003 I was asleep next to my husband who was still awake reading. A fart blasted out of my bottom with such noise and fury that I was startled awake. I turned to my amused husband and as I did so some of this fart seeped out from under the duvet. I have described it since like a horse had died in my pants, but that doesn't really do it justice. We slept in an attic room and as the otherworldly stench of the fart hit us , we rose as one and lunged for the velux window, wordlessly hurtling ourselves half out of the house and gasping for air against the roof tiles. We still talk about it now and shake our heads in disbelief. Since then my bottom has gone back to innocent everyday emissions. But I no longer trust it.

Why all staff in operating theatres should keep their kecks on AT ALL TIMES

You're all v welcome; it's a public service I provide.

As I keep telling the DSs, this is why ladeez don't fart. Ever.

Oh stop! My sides!

Oh dear god, this is the best fred in ages, howling here

The funniest thing on here for yonks.

Washed farts. The fart wank. The rotten soul falling out your bum.

Literally crying with laughter!

Oh my god Calamity your post has just finished me off ... I hardly ever laugh out loud at a thread but I am genuinely crying picturing the entire pub ground to a standstill. Thanks for the best laugh I've had in weeks

I am actually crying with laughter over this thread! Hilarious!

About 10 years ago DH took DSS to Alton Towers, along with a mate, mates wife and their DS.

After the first day they went to a local pub for a bite to eat.

Relaxing on chairs and sofas afterwards, DH let out what was apparently the longest, loudest fart ever. He was sitting on a leather sofa which added to the acoustics, which resulted in practically the whole pub coming to a standstill.

A barmaid pulling a pint looked up, her face frozen in , the pint she was pulling overflowing.

People were pausing, their drinks halfway to their mouths.

The whole pub stared over at DH and the rest of the group.

Mate's wife wanted to die. She pulled her bb cap down over her eyes and slithered as far down in her seat as possible, whimpering in mortification.

Mate's son, who had been asleep in his chair (he was only about 9 and had had a long day) jerked awake, going "What? What? What was that??"

It was quietly and mutually agreed that it might be time to go....

I cant stop laughing at some of these !

When I was pg with DS, walking down the stairs sounded like I had my own little 'Oompah Band' following me! As my house is 3 storeys, we had quite a concert .