If you fart in the bath

out of my FOOF

Can't breathe...

I was once in a very busy queue in Waitrose, when my DD (about 3 at the time) loudly declared "I just did a GUFF."
She followed it up with "out of my FOOF."

My gran used to say "who has let Polly out of the cage" in a faux posh voice. DD rolls around when I say it

We popped over to the shop one evening the other week to grab some bits and whilst in the queue my 5 year old let off a huge fart. As it was the evening there were only a few of us in the shop and most of them were in the queue with us. The man being served at the till turned around with a face and said "who was that?" whilst looking at me, I replied "NOT ME" rather loudly, the old lady behind piped up "NOT ME" too whilst my DS burst into hysterical laughter. The poor lady behind the till was crying with laughter.

Oh everybody I haven't giggled and tee hee'd so much in a long time.

I thank you

DD (3) and I were in the supermarket one afternoon after pick up from pre school. Standing in the middle of the fruit aisle she turns to me with the biggest grin and shouts 'mummy! I've just done a stinky trumpet!!!' I was in stitches. Unfortunately the old dear with the cats bum mouth standing by the strawberries clearly wasn't impressed...

Crumbelina
Will pinch playing the parpsicord !!!
My pops is like a rocket , we are surprised he hasn't propelled himself across the room !
My Dc will laughs so much at "pops play in the parpsicord "!

I got up for a wee the other night and did my usual 'try not to open your eyes' trick. As I walked back into the bedroom and along the end of the bed, DH let out, what I can only describe as a 'raucous fart' which literally made me jump in the air with fright.
Cue the pair of us collapsing into fits of giggles for about an hour.
Love a bit of fart humour, am crying at this thread.

Parps. Playing the parpsichord. Playing the bum trumpet.

So what do you call the bottom burps in your homes ?
How many names are there for trumping and does what you call them vary in different areas of the world ???

Ours are

Dd -princess puffs
Ds- cut the cheese
Dp- Farts
Me- bum talking

creaky door of a haunted house

And that has completely finished me off

Pacific at the end of the article you mention on p5 it says

"It seems, therefore, that flatus can cause infection if the emitter is naked, but not if he or she is clothed. But the results of the experiment should not be considered alarming, because neither type of bacterium is harmful. In fact, they're similar to the friendly bacteria found in yoghurt."

Should we not all take comfort from that

My cat acts like a haughty madam, but her farts smell like they've come from the depths of hell.

Best bottom burp (BBB) ever. I was about 9 and on bus trip to go on holiday. Eating crisps, sweets, fizzy juice and all that shite. Felt a bit poorly so lay across my mum and dad's lap (with arse facing aisle) to go to sleep. Woke myself up hearing the most amazing trumpeting sound, turned round and saw everyone on bus staring at my arse in amazement!
Quite proud of that.

We go up to uni to see DSD and inevitably go to Nandos.

Walking round the shops later she sidles up to either DH or I and whispers 'I'll leave that for you....' bitch has only silently farted and left us with the smell

Ask DH about the worst fart ever and he'll say my son when he was about 16, he'd had a takeaway the night before then we'd had curry for tea the following day.
Lets just say it was chemical with a capital C...

I did a pump that sounded the the creaky door of a haunted house the other day. DH was away , gutted I had no one to discuss it with.

Our farts are entirely gaseous.

Before this thread I thought mine were too :(

you've made the round up...

I think it was on mumsnet a long time ago a thread where a new mum was panicking because she had farted near her babies face and was in a stew imagining her baby was breathing in poo particles.

I always remember that thread... I wonder how the baby is now..

DS (2.5) did a huge fart the other day. He gawped at me in utter amazement before breathing "What was that NOISE?" I very calmly asked if it was his bottom, he agreed it was & carried on playing. DH said he was glad he wasn't in the room because he'd have died laughing. I did have to leave the room shortly after... Goodness only knows what DS thought the weird muffled snorts coming from the next room were!

I agree VikingLady, am quite convinced that mine save terrible poo stench up deliberately to cause maximum embarrassment in front of visitors etc. Junior cat rushes into sitting room in morning and yells at me which means I have to go and get rid of poo, fortunately trays are in downstairs loo but I have to take huge pearl diver standard breath before going in there with the scoop.

Same as small children really, there is an element of pride there. Little sods.

Our cats fart, but very rarely. When they do though - it's horrific! I have had to leave the room and still couldn't sit in there several hours later! I think the farts are so infrequent because they are waiting for a really toxic one.

I recall farting on one particular occasion in front of my then 3 year old son. He looked up, all bemused, and said "Was that a motorbike Mummy?"

Or there was the occasion I accidentally passed wind at school (I was a TA) and walked away, leaving a group of children all blaming one another...

gamerchick I don't know how it is in your household but in ours we sleep in bed and defaecate in the toilet.

Our farts are entirely gaseous.

Ds3 3 years does the worst farts, he then has to say poo trump stinks after every time. That will be fun when he starts nursery in september.