HOT TITS!!

dd2 had speech issues, and often contracted words

I was mortified when she started to loudly demand "Blackcurrant!" when she wanted a drink, as she didn't seem to sound out the "r-r-a" part.

my daughter threw a meltdown when i wouldn't let her play padding porn (paddling pool) she also lost her kinky in town one day (tinky winky) we were treated to her freaking out yelling where is kinky i want kinky

When my daughter was about 2.5 she would refer to charming childrens Ghibli animation 'Ponyo' as porno. She would tell anyone that would listen that she had been watching porno with mummy/daddy. It was hilarious (morrtifying) but we just prayed she never said it when we weren't there to explain!!!

I was when my DN kept asking if I had enough "cat shoes" for my cat. I told him she doesn't wear shoes and he laughed then said "No, Shits (his pronunciation of my name, to his mother's great amusement) cat shoes ". He meant food, obviously.

Me and my 3 year old went to a scrapstore recently , he doesn't say the s sound in certain words yet, so he went around the place saying "wow look at all of this crap, this is a good crap store. Can we buy some crap?"

Poo tit even

Ds1 said poo title for pussycat
Ds3 say cock for clock, he also said oh shit whenever he dropped something for a couple of months but that was down to his older brother

We have just returned from a holiday in the US, during which we visited New Hampshire. One afternoon was spent at Diana's Baths, a series of pools fed from a mountain spring. The boys enjoyed playing in the water, so much so, that our 5 year old LOUDLY asked in the parking lot whether we could come back to "Vagina's Baths" the next day...

Maybe she was trying to say 'rubbish' as she didn't think much of the programme, Euphemia. :-) The face she pulled was probably the equivalent of the teenagers 'duh' silly mummy!

DS1 had a lisp that meant that 'l' was pronounced as 'w'. No real problems until my parents moved to Lancashire.

Mind you, crab is also "crap", and so is "crowd". He says "hello, crap people" when he wants to say "hello, crowd of people". In a lift, for example :-)

Naughty crown from Teletubbies is "naughty crap". No idea why.
He has a paper crown, and when he wants to wear it, he says "want naughty crap"

DD2 could get thank you right, it was fuk you for a very long time and she still can't say spiky, she says pikey instead, normally in the loudest voice 'Nooo, mummy you pikey me noooooo' Which in real language is 'no mummy you take it from me, it is spiky!''

DS used to say Cunch for cushion when he was 2.

A friend was staying with her 2 children who were 6 & 7.

They were playing around on the couch & knocked all the cushions off.

DS pipes up 'oh you silly Cunch'

My friend nearly fell off her chair while I rapidly tried to explain!

And I forgot, he also calls noodles 'nee-naws' and marshmallows are 'marshies'

I love this stage

DS2 can't say football. He plays 'fookall'

We were looking at warthogs this weekend (we don't live in the UK) and my dad were telling DS2 what they were called. When we got there he seriously told us that they were Grandad's dogs, and nothing we said could change his mind.

Ds1, now a huge 14 year old, called biscuits sheepshits. Random family members still offer sheepshits to guests

DS's first ever sentence, on discovering that the blackberries we'd gone to pick weren't ripe, was 'Oh - we're fucked, then!'

Me - can you shut the door, there's a big draught in here.
DD1 (looking round frantically) - Giraffe, where?

Cheeky Lager - turned out to be Lady Gaga.
Lala LeeLee Lally - Lily of the Valley.
Pirate -pyrex.

We found the children a wardrobe on holiday wearing plastic bowls on their heads. They overheard a conversation where we'd described the cupboard as surprisingly spacious as "space ship".

Half a pound of tuppenny rice, half a pound of weasels.

The carol 'Little Loud Jesus.'

Hot Crusty Running - cross country running.

'Ting' for cheers with glasses. 'Cheese it" for take a photo (as in say cheese). Suncream is supercream.

DD2 is at the parrot-stage without knowing what things mean so last week DH said "Mitigate" and she yelled back "No, you mitigate." Stop being insubordinate - followed by weeks of running about shouting "spordination"

Her favourite snack at the mo is "Jelly Biscuits" which we eventually worked out are Jaffa Cakes.

DD2 also insists that milk is nuke (delivered by the nuke man). No idea why or how - I'll say milk & she's say yes nuke.

My son used to say 'hells bells', his childminder discussed her concerns over him saying it every car journey until I told her it meant hay bales

FUCKIT!!!! (Aka Space Rocket according to DS)

DUMB FUCK! yelled every time DS saw a dump truck. Including every morning on public transport on our way to nursery.

my dd1 re-christened her grandfather bob. his name is NOTHING like bob!!! weirdly, having moved on from this six years later dd2 did the exact same thing! he will always and forever more be grandad bob; even though his name is Christopher!!!

DD1 used to call her grandad "Jar Jar", we still have no idea where it came from to this day.
DS1 (4) has speech and language issues. At a recent appointment the speech therapist remarked how DS couldn't pronounce the "f" sound (fish was shish)- all good until ds looked at her and said "fu*k)

DD1 used to say "dick" instead of "stick". I nearly died when she informed me she'd found a big dick in the garden.