HOT TITS!!

Dd has had chips for tea, when trying to say chips she was shouting yummy shits!

Dd (3) loves to eat coco cops every morning

I just found out what DD's "want a piss" was. She meant crisps (imagine "pisps" said with a lisp).

Ooo first ever post and I messed it up - that should read DS has spent the entire summer demanding arse lorries from the freezer!

DS has spent the demanding arse lorries from the freezer and on trips to the park. :)

My ds is insistant that any noise he hears from outside is a farmyard animal of sorts (obsessed 2 and a half year old). One day we were at the drs in the waiting room and the door opened noisily as a woman pushed it open.

"Noise!"
"That's right darling, it's a noise."
Pause.
"Noisy cow."

The thing is, the intonation was so disparaging, just like a grumpy old man. I became very middle class and very clear in my own speech as I hastily pointed out "No darling, a ha ha, that wasn't a cow, we saw a cow this morning didn't we, a ha ha, that wasn't a cow this time."

We had not seen a cow that morning.

This thread has had me weeping with laughter.
My daughter was another 'cock' shouter (peacocks). I remember being at Whipsnade on a relatively quiet day. It was the second time she'd ever met her stepgran & stepgrandad and the first time she met 80 year old stepgreatgran. We sat down in the cafe. She suddenly leapt up shouting 'cock' 'cock'. My older DD started shouting 'oooo she's saying cock again mummy'.

DD(1) keeps saying "Paki bar". We have now worked out this is how she pronounces both Paprika and Africa.

Aaargh.

According to my mother at the age of 10 I told an estate agent the house we were viewing had nice 'dildo' rails as opposed to dado.

We went to Disneyland Paris this week and my daughter who LOVED the Startours spaceship ride kept loudly shouting to go on the 'Spaceshit' over and over....

My friends son came to us (he was 2 1/2 & told us he wanted his dumb fuck! We eventually worked out, through the tears of laughter, it was dump truck!!

My 17mo has taken a fondness to saying "bookabookabookabooka" it obviously sounds like bugger.

DD used to ask for black-cunt juice, she also used to ask for salt-an-igger cisps.

We basically had a racist 2yo. So it became purple juice and blue crisps quickly

Also at my 90 yo grans house, playing with her walking stick shouting "DICK DICK DICK OOK GAN GAN DICK DICK DICK" as she used it to walk around the room.

In the park "Daddy has a big dick, I has a little dick, mummy do you like a big dick or a little dick?"

Eyebows - eyebrows
Mote montrol - remote control

I miss that stage!

My DS always called his blanket his black git .....

We used to get black cunt for black currant, and dick-less for ridiculous.

The worst was DD2, for a while she struggled to say grandad and to the casual listener it sounded like "bastard". We'd go round town or something with her pointing out elderly man going "that man's a bastard isn't he mummy?" "Do you think he's a bastard mummy?"

DD (20 months) pronounces apricot as 'baby cock'

Even worse, the first time she said this we were staying at a B&B and were in the breakfast room.

She was eating a yoghurt and loudly saying "mmm, baby cock"

This has really made me laugh and cheered up my crappy Friday afternoon.
Not surprised it made classics - great thread OP!

Off the top of my head:
the racist P word for basket (nearly died when he said that!)
Fuck for fork
twatter for hammer

But he did say For fuck's sake once when he dropped something. I blame DP - managed to change it to for god's sake.

When DP said Oh Ffffffffff (to stop the word coming out) DS kindly finished the word for him. We've now changed that one to fiddlesticks.

My boy always used to shout "twat!" When he was about two. Never worked out what he was saying. Ds2 spent Easter shouting shit whenever we went in shops. He wanted an Easter chick!

When just learning to talk my ds would loudly shout what sounded like 'f*k off, f*k off' loudly in Tesco whenever he saw a trolley-he meant 'fast car'! And until he was about 3 he always said 'manga' for banana-no idea why.

Took my nearly two year old into the chip shop over a month ago, and it clearly made an impression because he still talks about the "Nip shop" even though he can say chips.

I remember DS2 (aged about 2), in the school run car, calmly announcing he felt 'shit.'
Took several goes before I translated it to 'sick.'

When DS2 was quite young, one of his favourite films was 'The Italian Job', which he called 'the Celebration film'; his version of '...the self-preservation society...'

And his favourite line from the film?

Of course it was!

"You're only supposed to blow the bloody doors off!", made even more irresistible by mummy not liking him saying it.

To start with his pronunciation wasn't great, and only we knew what he was saying. But it didn't take long...

My DS (aged 2) also used to have a problem with saying Fat Controller from Thomas, and called him "fucker" for a while.