To ask for your best examples of brass-neckedness to entertain us all on this dull day?

Like this one.

It was a Taser made to look like one of those small Maglite torches. The penfriend's DH had actually bought it for the trip from home to Dulles and back, as obviously he couldn't take his issue firearm.

Luckily, Friend's Mil was so embarrassed at being caught she didn't say anything.

Just thought of another one - not life threatening just irritating as fuck.

Have friend with 'mental health ishoos' (does nobody have problems any more?). Anyway, I willingly help out with lifts etc as she doesn't have a car and take care of animals on odd weekends (4 cats and a dog, whom I adore but that's another thread). However there have been much more serious occasions involving drink/overdoses/self harm when I have had to take her to/pick her up from hospital and every time she says "Thanks so much. I'll buy you a curry." Which never happens. Although curry is my Great Love (got rid of ex yonks back. There's good eating on one of those if you can joint it and put it in the freezer) I don't mind getting my own curry, but she seems to think that by saying it, somehow she's done it. Realised it's been going on for years and I can't change her so I've got to change myself.

So, discussed this situation and decided I've been enabling the drinking etc and so am standing back a bit but it's really quite painful not rushing in offering to do stuff, giving lifts etc to help as she is in a low paid job (I really respect her for working as her bipolar and personality disorder etc make life hard for her). But I get steamed when she proudly shows off expensive new stuff and in the next breath complains of being skint.

Have realised I'm a people pleasing care-taking enabler and in danger of turning into an exploding doormat - trodden on for years without protest and then - BANG. Oh, and co-dependent as well. I think I have MUG on face or like a Nancy Mitford character, I have kind eyes and that's how they get me every time.

Blooming hard saying no though. But quite nice not being taxi service several times a week. And deciding I will have a curry when I want and not waiting for a non-event.

WingDefence - I was having a discussion with her DH. He'd probably relate in a completely different way, but he was basically excusing football-related violence on the grounds that 'football fans are really passionate', in front of my DS who adores him. I was getting a bit het up about it then she joined in defending his views ('cause at 40+ he couldn't do it by himself, obviously). It was all a bit ridiculous but I lost my temper when she argued that just because it's illegal it wasn't necessarily wrong, so I turned to my DS and said something like, 'Just don't listen to that, it's absolute bollocks' (a word I had NEVER used in front of him before - and haven't used since - but I was ready to combust). At this point she stood up, shouted 'I didn't come here to be insulted' and left (without paying). Her DH then got up, shrugged and followed her (also without paying).

I think it wasn't so much the argument but underlying tensions that caused all this. I regret using the word bollocks but am still shocked at both of them. I can't believe their reaction when this is the woman who said she couldn't stand living in a country where men 'are allowed to walk around hand in hand' and her very right-on husband said absolutely nothing. Fair enough, she is From Abroad, but then so am I and I'm not homophobic!

Something else I've just remembered - another time she told me that, if she ever had a son, she would teach him to treat women really badly and be 'really nasty' to them, so that he'd never be henpecked...................

eatscake - no I didn't get it either - too cryptic by far!

Cordy what happened at the restaurant that you stood up to her about?!

I'm sorry Disgrace. Maybe I'm just tired but your post was so nudge nudge wink wink that I actually don't understand what happened when he found her going through the fridge. Please explain. ..?

I showed this thread to a mate at work, who told me of a brassneck and the punishment he'd seen some years back.

His MIL had a habit of popping in and grazing on the fridge contents. As time went by, she graduated from the odd sausage roll to left over roasts meant for later meals and finally to cooking entire meals and taking them home.

Then mate and his DW had the chance of a lifetime: a Chesapeake Bay house swap with DW's American penfriend, with the flights at some massive discount due to penfriend's job with Delta. Friend's DH was woth Annapolis PD.

Now this was pre-9/11, and there are things on open sale in Virginia that look like other, non-offensive, things. Things you can fly with.

Oh yes. What do you think happens when a guy in law enforcement, jetlagged and in an unfamiliar house, wakes to find a strange woman holding a knife and asking "Have you put the faggots on the freezer?".

Luckily, she didn't suffer permanent damage, but she doesn't nick food any more.

My ndn is like Hyacinth Bucket. When we were having building work done (which they objected to and lost) the builders were drilling stones. She emailed us on the first day of the building works to complain that the dust was covering her car that she'd only just cleaned.
When we failed to respond within 4 minutes of receiving the email she spoke to our builders and asked them to drill on the other side of the house so the dust wouldn't settle on her car.

Thought of something else...

I have a male friend who is very nice but a bit spineless. His wife is a complete nightmare and always gets away with it because he's too weak to say anything.

We first met her (as his new girlfriend) when a group of us were going for a meal and they came along. Someone ordered wine from Australia and she made a scene because 'Australian wine is gross' and she'd never ever drink it. Everyone was a bit gobsmacked but we said nothing.

Over the years it hasn't got better. When they got married (in a different continent) she decided there was a dress code for guests - all men in tuxedos and women in either gold or green. She rang me a few months before her wedding to tell me which shops had the right shade of gold and green in stock. When her future MIL showed what she'd bought, she told her that it was no good and she had to go and buy something else instead. My husband and I couldn't afford to travel to their wedding and afterwards she told me that all the guests dressed in gold looked amazing (her MIL wore green). She also made her fiancé take dancing lessons before the wedding so he wouldn't embarrass her.

Amongst her other gems is reducing her MIL to tears by commenting that the steaks MIL had served were tough 'cause they must be cheap (bought from local organic butcher). She also told me, early in her marriage, 'THAT WOMAN (= her MIL) will never get her hands on my children.' (Her MIL has other GC and is wonderful with them.)

They are also always a good two hours late if they're meeting anyone and she never ever apologises. When I complained to my friend (her DH) he answered that she thinks that it's up to you if you wait so you shouldn't moan about it afterwards.

I stood up to her once during a restaurant meal and she stormed off in a huff. Her DH then had the gall to say I had been disrespectful to her and she's never disrespectful to anyone. We don't meet them anymore.

gosh Brams that is horrendous.

so glad your dfs helped. it is always selective spending whilst pleading poverty on this thread - conmon theme and pure selfishness

Love shepherd and sheep in the garden. Totally surreal.

Some years ago woman I thought was friend and her DH came back from France and I said they could stay for a short time while they sorted out somewhere to live. This stretched and stretched with no offers to help with food or anything. After 8 weeks I eventually asked if they could perhaps contribute something but was told they were really broke saving for deposit, trying to find somewhere to rent and would move in the next couple of weeks. I was pretty pressed myself, after divorce and paying mortgage with interest rates going up all the time, but didn't want to be mean so bit my tongue.

That weekend I woke to strange voices, went downstairs and found young man and his gf in sitting room with garden door open, drinking coffee. They seemed surprised when I appeared in the doorway and it emerged they thought it was her house. I raised the matter with WITWF and was told that was her son and she would do as she liked and I was a mean bitch to begrudge her. I asked again that they move so she could have her son to stay whenever she liked.

10 days later mutual friend told me she had heard they were planning to evict me from my own house and squat there! She and her DP told me they would help me if I needed and so when freeloaders went out, she and her DP came over and he changed the locks and we packed up all their clothes. On their return we gave them their possessions and said that was IT. Wife had heel drumming tantrum in road outside, dialled 999 and accused me of squatting in THEIR house. Police removed them (phew!) but warned me to be careful for a few days as she was issuing threats against me.

She also told anyone who would listen that I didn't deserve that big house and as I'd had them to stay for nothing I could easily afford to keep paying mortgage as they could "do so much more with the house" than I had. When I started cleaning their room that "so much more" included urine stains on the bed linen and mattress, used pizza boxes etc under bed, food stains on carpet and the washbasin in their room covered in thin slime of soap scum and beard bristles.

As for their pleading poverty we also discovered while packing their things a number of Dior, YSL and Chanel carriers with clothes etc still in them. So it became clear that I was subsidising her designer clothes habit too.

It also turned out later that she had a reputation for violence which I knew nothing about. She & her DH split up shortly after and he wrote grovelling letter to me saying he knew it was wrong but he was scared of her & had no choice!!! They had apparently done similar things in other places.

I look back and think I had lucky escape but didn't feel safe for some months afterwards. Brass neck only prevented from becoming dangerous situation by more street wise bf and her partner. Shiver to think of it to this day.

...And once, when I asked her how she'd feel if she found out her DH was cheating on her like she was on him, she got REALLY offended and spat 'DH would NEVER do such a thing to me!'

Years ago I had a friend who was very manipulative and completely spoilt; I was a lot younger than her and quite naive so it took me some time to wake up and smell the coffee... She was married and I was friendly with her DH too, who was a really kind, gently guy who'd do anything for her. I found out years later that she used to tell him she was out meeting me when in fact she'd be off having various affairs...

The last straw was when I was sharing a lovely flat with another friend. Manipulative friend said I should really start thinking of living on my own rather than sharing at my age (mid twenties) and told me she and her DH had bought a 1-bedroom flat as an investment and I should move in and pay them rent. I wasn't sure why she cared about me sharing... until she revealed that when I moved into their flat she expected me to vacate it every time she wanted to shag whichever man she was having an affair with at the time. I said no thanks and she didn't like that AT ALL. She actually told me in a disgusted tone that another friend let her use his flat for her shags and implied that I wasn't as good a friend as he was!!

Not myself but a good friend.

She had her wedding in the town her DH grew up in and it was a fancy hotel with lots included. The deal included the wedding invites being printed for free and the couple had been along to finalise everything including the invitation design. They were paying for everything themselves and after all the invites had been printed she was horrified to find the design was nothing like what they had chosen.

It turns out that her in-laws-to-be had been round to the hotel and had changed the wedding invitations because it wasn't to their taste!

Christ dancestomyowntune what horrible people, but I have to say my dh would have been searching for a new pair of balls if he'd done that to me.

not a particularly nice one i'm afraid but here goes:

bil had caused a huge family row after i said sil couldn't take my 10month old dd1 out for the day (my one day off in two weeks). huge family row ensued and my parenting skills/relationship with dh were all questioned over a three month period. his fiance got involved, a woman old enough to be my mother who took it upon herself to text me (approx 50 texts one morning getting progressively nastier). by the time i picked my dd up from my parents house i was in such a state my dad rung her to be told it was ridiculous i needed my daddy to.fight my battles! my dad pointed out that he had more right to support his dd than she did her bfs sister and then pointed out that there were all old enough to not bully a young a mum already suffering with pnd!! eventually made friends with dhs sister, but the brother and his gf carried on their grudge. roll on a couple of.months of nc and dh rang to say his brother and the fiance were coming around to 'chat'. they had just announced their engagement and i had a funny feeling i knew why they suddenly wanted to come around so told dh that under NO circumstances was dd going to be their bridesmaid before they arrived. lo and behold they sat in my front room and told not asked us that dd was going to be their bridesmaid. no apology for the months of heartache they had caused or anything. dh says if looks could kill he'd have been murdered as he sat and said "well its ok with me but its up to dances". i very calmly said that given the history i wasnt happy for dd to be their bridesmaid and It would not be happening to which the fiance said "i dont like u, But babydances is bils niece and its our right to have her as a bridesmaid. if you dont let her this fued will never be settled". i stuck to my guns and we have been nc for ten years. when the invites went out we didn't get one, until fil said if dh wasnt invited he wouldnt attend, then we had an invite to mrdances and babydances. dh went, but needless to say babydances much preferred the trip to the beach we had than the stuffy wedding she didnt go.to . and dh made it perfectly clear that I had sent the bottle of champagne that they never said thank you for too.

Can't believe I've only just remembered this, but in my young and very naive 20s, my DP at the time moved in with me, leaving his rented accommodation to live with me in the small flat I'd just purchased. We agreed we'd split the mortgage payments, bills etc and it would be great.

In the first month of moving in, and before he'd contributed anything financially, he quit his job to become a student again and announced I'd have to support him until his course was over (it didn't actually start for 3 months so I had to support him then too!). When I pointed out that we probably should have discussed this first he made out like I was selfish, and not planning on us being together long-term in the same way he was (which he cried about) as "what is a year of supporting me when we're going to be together forever and I'll be supporting you when we have children etc?"

Anyway, I fell for his b*llshit and as the year came to an end things were looking up as he had a job placement secured, so I would be able to stop working the ridiculous amount of overtime I'd been doing to pay for us both (& his expensive trainer habit ).

Just before he qualified I found out he'd run up thousands of pounds of debt in my name (which I never got back) watching "big, black women" porn AND had been shagging someone on his course (neither she nor I were particularly big or black btw).

I finally saw him for what he was and kicked him out, but in his ultimate piece of brass-necked-ness, as he left he asked if I would give him my car to keep as otherwise his new commute on public transport would be a bit difficult for him. He got told in no uncertain terms to F off!!

OMG. Well I'm glad you didn't have to wake your 3 small children that night and I don't at all blame you for leaving in the morning and not going back until they weren't there.

No no, you haven't detracted from the thread at all - it's stunning that 2 adults ever thought undone toothpaste lids warranted waking 3 small DC and throwing you all out into the night - unfuckingbelievable! So glad you've seen the light!

Even then I could not see how leaving the lid of the toothpaste off could have caused such angst, but yes, I agreed to go. I heard my dm agreeing with my father's decision as apparently dc had also 'left the toilet lid up when you know in this house toilet seats are always left down'.

I went to pack up all our things but then seeing as it was going to cause a bit of noise trying to wake 3 young dcs they said I could stay after all.

We left early in the morning.

This was 12 years ago. I only saw the 'light' 2 years ago and then I had counselling, sent them a letter each (counselor said just write it all down to get it out of my system but not send it. I actually thought I would send it as had nothing to lose).

Df has tried to make amends as best he could but dm has never spoken about the letter and acts as if nothing happened.

For the first time in many years went back to stay but only because dps were on a cruise and let us holiday in their house

Hope I haven't detracted too for from the thread

But - did you leave, wotoodoo? Tell me you didn't...

Yes, I read your post re. Christmas, hadn't realised that was you until you said - they're terribly rude and entitled people, aren't they.

Glad MN has helped you see your way with regard to them! :)

Thumbwitch and Hazel, I was a young mum so had only known my parents 'way' ifywim so thought they were normal

I have spent my life trying to please them. Not sure if you saw my post about them re: christmas?

Anyway, now know better! Thanks to MN and great advice I received under different names etc I am no longer a crapped on doormat. People say how could you get treated so badly? The truth is if you grow up where it is 'normal' you don't know any different.

A couple of weeks ago, my ds is in bed, im in shower. When I get out of shower, I hear television noise from downstairs. My first thought is ds has snuck back downstairs, so check his bedroom, he's fast asleep. Confused now, I go downstairs to find my neighbour had hopped over the fence, come in and was sat with her feet up, watching some crappy reality show. I ask what the hell she is doing, and she tells me 'well I saw this amd it looked good but I can't watch it at mine cause its on sky, you dont mind do you?' Err yes actually I do mind, now bugger off home!

She goes to leave, picks up a glass to take with her. She'd also helped herself to my wine!!!!!