To ask for your best examples of brass-neckedness to entertain us all on this dull day?

My mother died very suddenly and painfully from ovarian cancer at 62. At her wake my aunt (Mums older sister) siddled up to my grieving sister at the open coffin and said "When I die make sure you look after x" (her daughter/our cousin) - the lid was not yet on our Mothers coffin when my aunt was thinking about herself and her daughter....

I was on free school meals....those of us who were had to go and collect our token from the school office each day - so everyone knew we were on FSM not that I cared.....annnnywhooo....you were allowed to spend up to 50p - and a friend would stand behind me like a hawk each day in the dinner queue and if I didnt spend up to the full value would shove something of hers on to my tray to tap into my FSM benefit!!

My mum came to stay for a week when DD was 5 wks old. I was exhausted due to lack of sleep, plus DD had awful reflux. DH was floored by severe bronchitis at the same time, so I was looking forward to mum being around. I naively thought she would give me a bit of a hand. Not anything major; just hold the baby so I could have a shower. I wasn't expecting to be waited on.

Oh no. Turned out she was the one who expected to be waited on. She wouldn't even make herself a cup of tea "because she was on her holidays". Grrr...

Good friend of mine, while I was undergoing fertility treatment, phoned me and asked me to take her 2 (easily conceived, 10 months between them) children, for a weekend. As apparently "you need the practice as I am sure you will conceive soon". I was on my 2nd round of IVF after 2 years of other fertility treatments and 2 miscarriages. Yeah I was just dying to get some practice.

Other friend, when we go away on weekends to hotels (maybe about once a year), wraps up danishes, croissants etc and brings them home as gifts for her children. She also takes the little portions of jam, butter, honey etc as "they are very handy".

Still only got about a quarter of the way down, but I can't believe some of these stories... and believe even less that anyone would ALLOW this shit to happen to them.

Am just amazed at some people but made me remember one from DS's 6th birthday. It was in a sports hall and I'd said that people could drop off and leave but if they wanted younger siblings to play (we had room) they would need to stay. Classmate of DS turns up with his parents and younger sibling of about 3. We're busy greeting people and I look round and they are heading out the door having left BOTH kids with a virtual stranger in a strange place!!

I had to ask his older brother what his little brothers name was...he seemed quite happy though. Maybe they had a lot of brass neck and did it a lot.

Was (poss still am) second emergency contact for friends child. One day she is sick at school so I go pick her up and bring her home with my 2 younger children, phone friend, no answer, phone mutual friends and find out she's gone away for a long weekend. When I take her to collect my oldest son, her Mum (1st emergency contact) turns up non the wiser (hadn't heard phone or something) and takes her. All fine but when I see 'friend' she doesn't even say thank you!
Looked after friends sons after school one day a week/once a month for 18 months, on a babysitting swap basis, she had mine about 4 times. Still waiting for the rest.
I'm no longer a sap!

.

At uni you had to show a photocard/mealticket to claim an evening meal. The cards were all kept on in a rack on the wall by the entrance to the canteen so you just picked yours up as you went in (slightly mad system, 25 years ago!)

DBf dumped me for OW from a different college. Had horrible few days weeping etc in my room, then the first time I braved the canteen for dinner I discovered he had not only taken OW in for dinner but used my ticket to get a meal for her (we looked quite similar.) So I was heartbroken, hungry and humiliated...!

Being quite poor we were really grateful when BIL offered to lend us his large house in DH's country for a holiday, this was the home in which DH was brought up but it has been "sold" to BIL for a nominal amount to avoid death taxes.

At that time the grounds were open to the public in summer for which a fee was charged - a couple of locals were employed to sell the tickets etc. When we got there we found a basket with tickets and a float and a note informing us that we were in charge of running it for a week as the local people weren't working. DH was also "invited" to do some gardening.

I was fucking furious that our "holiday" was basically unpaid labour running a tourist attraction. We did have a couple of days when we just locked the gates and went out but DH was too pathetic to do it more. I also helped myself to some if the takings as "wages". Apparently BIL thought it was a privilege for us to stay there and not go out while he went with his family to their holiday home in another part of the country.

There are many splendid tales about eBay, particularly if you're selling a vehicle. Apart from the clowns who want you to end early to avoid fees, there are those unfortunate souls who haven't quite grasped how a contract works.

This was an exchange with a pillock over one of my motorbikes: "I'll give you 500 for it". "No thanks, I'll see how the bidding goes". "It's a firm offer". "No thanks". "English law says you have to accept". "English law says no such thing". "I'll fucking sue you". "You will? You'll need to find out where I live first." And then it degenerated.

When I finally sold the bike, the buyer turned up in a car wearing a tshirt and suggested "borrowing" my jacket to ride home in. I suggested there was a dealership a mile away who'd be glad to kit him out. "Should get a nice all in one for under £300". He humped a bit and left. I've always wondered if he died of hypothermia...

DH and I rented a flat about 10 years ago. The area had very limited parking but it was a short term deal for us so we didn't mind. We had two cars at the time and parked one of them on the grass verge by the flat. After about a month of living there, someone knocks at the door and introduces himself as a neighbour. He said that he needed us to move the car we'd park on the grass verge, as someone had parked in his space (not us and he knew that) and so he wanted to park near the flats and suggested that we park 100 yards down the road!!

DH was just flabbergasted into silence. Neighbour got really agitated and accused DH of being uncooperative and a bad neighbour. Poor DH didn't say a damn thing back to him as he was so completely stunned.

Great thread!
A friend of ours offered to nip round and feed the cat when we went away for the weekend. On the Saturday afternoon I texted to ask if the cat was OK. He replied with a photo message of the cat, sitting on his lap on our settee. Fair enough the cat was getting some attention but in the background I could see that the footie was on our TV and he had opened a beer out of our fridge. I'm sure he only offered because we had Sky!

I have a few but I'll share one:
I broke up with someone and had gone round to collect the last of my things. whilst I was there somebody rang the doorbell. He panicked and pushed me into a room and shut the door. He then let in a girl and proceeded to start watching a film with her! I didn't know what the hell to do as the only way was out through that room, after about 25 mins I walked through the room quite calmly saying, " hello and goodbye, I will leave him to explain who I am!"

I was heavily pregnant with my third son carrying a heavy pushchair with my 2 year old in it up the stairs to catch a train while keeping an eye on my 5yr old when a man comes running up the stairs saying excuse me! I thought how nice some help when he says "excuse me I want to get to the platform and your in the way!!" Needless to say he had to wait.

An evening meal was arranged at a local pub for MIL birthday, DH and BIL had said they would pay for her as it was her birthday, SIL overheard this and took it as them paying for the whole meal between them, but didn't tell us this until the end of the meal when she had ordered starters, mains and dessert for her, her other half and 3 kids, and she'd chucked in a few 'celebratory drinks' for MIL too, when the bill was asked for, it was then she decided to declare she had no money to her name, so DH and BIL ended up footing a £240 bill between them! Oh but her kind partner did scrape together the cash for his meal, as a gesture of goodwill!

I had a summer job away from home when I was seventeen. Friday lunchtime one of the bosses asked if I could look after her eight year old that afternoon. No problem - I had the evening off (waitress). So I fronted up at her house after the lunch shift was over (3pm), took the child to a prearranged swimming date, then kept her entertained and fed at her house until her older brother got home at 10 pm.

The next day the boss came up to me, thanked me for looking after the child and paid me.

£1.

Even 35 years ago I thought it was a little on the low side for seven hours of babysitting.

Ooh ratbag you have reminded me, ex dp had taken kids into town really close to Christmas, only small, think 3 and 6, whilst out there was a sudden massive snow fall. Of course being Uk all public transport immediately ground to a halt.

After a few toe numbing hours they managed to make it to our nearest town, the local taxi firm had a wait of a few hours, dp decided to walk, he popped into the chinese and they offered to take him and the kids home along with the chinese.

Very heartwarming and kind, saved 2 freezing children a long walk, their poor toes really were blue.

Sorry for off topic, great thread .

A group of friends took it in turns to mind each others' pre-school kids while we all went to a yoga class

When it was friend X's turn, she said she couldn't do it that day.

I happened to see her before the class was due & she said that, as I was at home with my DS after all, could I look after her DD while she went to the class

(I did say no!)

lower floor!

I lived next to a building whose lower flower was turned into a coffee shop.

They hung tea towels out across my yard which I mentioned not being happy with to one of the waitresses. I came home one day to find they had put up a shed partly on my yard! I posted about it on here at the time as I was fuming and a witty MNetter quipped "Give them a yard and they'll take a mile..."

They underestimated me; the shed was down within days.

Many years ago went to stay for the weekend with lovely friend and her very annoying boyfriend. He wasn't there on arrival, phoned her 2 hours later to say he'd met a friend on the way to the barbers and they were now pissed in the local pub. We met up with them at a restaurant, where in his drunken state he set fire to the table cloth by playing with the candle on the table.

My friend showed us to our room for the night. It was a mattress on the floor with clearly used bed sheets etc. She said she hoped we didn't mind, some other friends and her brother had recently stayed and the sheets were still pretty clean !

About 8 am the next morning she knocked on the door to say some of their friends had called and were offering to drive them out of town to go walking. She explained they rarely had the chance to do this, so did we mind if they went, and of course we could come too. We replied that we had no walking gear, and had to get our train home fairly early that afternoon as we had work the next day. Her reply - ok, just help yourself to breakfast, and if you could lock the front door on your way out just pop the keys back through the letterbox !!

The thought of our faces as we sat in absolute disbelief still makes me smile - and she married him !

Mine is very tame compared to some of the ones on here. I had a housemate who would regularly go into my room and take my DVDs without asking. He'd never put them back, and I'd never actually see him in my room. One day I came home to find that my TV was gone. I went into his room to see that it was there - his had broken so he thought he'd borrow mine. This would be bad enough, but I decided enough was enough and took it all back, including every DVD he'd had off me. He was out at the time. When he came back, he had the gall to come and have a go at me for going into his room without permission! I was so taken aback I just gaped at him! I moved out shortly after.

At Cambridge, I had a "friend", someone older who I had met outside. Not a student.

We were mainly random casual text buddies, he didn't want to spend time with me 1-1. He was interesting, but not really a deep friendship or someone who I could contact in a crisis, etc.

Call him Jimmy.

I was organising a college sports social thing, and asked Jimmy if he wanted to come along.

"Beg me" he texted back. I ignored it, he turned up anyway.

Amongst all the bright young thangs, and took a shine to one girl: they exchanged about two sentences. She gave no signs she was interested in him. Looking back, she was WAY out of his league. He left early.

He e-mailed me the next day, he was smitten, he really had never met anyone like her, could I get in touch with her?

Jimmy was a bit of an overthinking nervous character.

Rather than asking to "pass my number on" he composed a long e-mail in which he "hinted" what a great/interesting guy he was and then "casually" mentioned at the end: "Oh, M seemed very interesting, please tell her I'd love to chat over a coffee."

I had to forward it on to her.

So: being the young romantic I was, I forwarded it onto her.

She sent a nice one back, saying she was partnered up (bright young academic, so totally different to Jimmy) thanks but no thanks.

Oh, if "I" wanted to meet for a girly coffee please give her a shout.

I sent one to Jimmy and he sent one back demanding I HAD to take her up on the coffee.

Basically, his plan was I needed to stalk her and make friends with her and break her relationship up for HIS benefit.

I declined.