Really inappropriate funeral thread

at my poor mothers funeral last year .my then 13 year old autistic son announced in church .god mum this is boring .while standing there in his electic blue suit and flowery shirt .especially bought for occasion .i would like to think my darling mum would be looking down laughing .

At my grandmas cremation me and my sister were reading the little cards in the flowers. One from my aunty said 'Mam, you will be mist'

My uncle was a massive Elvis fan. As the curtains closed around the coffin at the crem, Return To Sender started playing. I proper got the giggles.

Was sat in the crem and my dopey friend hadn't switched off her mobile. Worse - the ring tone was the phone saying, 'The phone's ringing, Answer the phooooone, ANSWER THE FUCKING PHONE!' Getting louder and more ranty as she scrabbled for it in her bag!
The deceased would not have found this funny we did though

I've thought of another one!

My dear Aunt died just about 2 years ago, she never married or had kids, she was a very private lady. There were about 20 people at the funeral.

DS who was 9 at the time asked to attend & we agreed.

Just as the curtains closed, a hush fell over the room. I leaned in close to ask if he was ok & he loudly said "oh Mum, do we not see the flames?"

I was at my friend's dad's funeral, had DCs with me as all friends and family were there too, along with many others - a big Irish funeral.
it was just after Christmas. as the priest was doing the prayers my DS (5) turned and said to me in a loud 'whisper' :
mummy, is the baby Jesus real?

my mum was

I was in hysterics at my Great Uncle's funeral. The vicar, doing his first ever funeral, cocked up Psalm 23. I bit my hand to avoid upsetting DGM who was sitting in front of me. I also nearly completely lost it when the curtains closed and all I could think of was The Generation Game.

My closest friend killed herself and the funeral was awful. But the wake... Someone mentioned being able to take X anywhere. But when someone piped up 'But you couldn't take her twice!' I don't think I've ever laughed so hard.

Went to a school mums funeral, she had a Spandau Ballet song "I'll fly for you" and a willow coffin, after years of fighting breast cancer. It was entirely appropriate. Her son is a joy, raised by lovely gay uncle, entirely loved by school community. We are v proud of him. Wish him all the best for his future x.

At my DDads funeral (and I'm soo glad I can giggle about this now) the immediate family were asked to walk around the coffin at the crem whilst everyone prayed and the Priest chucked holy water. As we were walking I accidentally kicked something under the coffin stand that made a HUGE clanging noise.

I was crying at the time but collapsed into dramatic sitcom style wails at noise and the timing. This was to mask the fact that I wanted to collapse into hysterical, tear streaming laughter.

My mum also had an issue with the wind changing direction when scattering my grandads ashes, she apparently brought most of him home in her handbag and my stepdads trouser turn ups.

At my stepdads funeral he requested I am The Lord of the dance as it was upbeat unfortunately no one mentioned it to the pianist who played it so slowly it was dire! He also coughed and choked all the way through and someone's comment of I think he's next had us biting our lips to stop the giggles.

My great uncle's funeral - 8 pall bearers running out of the church with the coffin, when only 6 had brought him in. We hurriedly followed, and arrived graveside to find the coffin already lowered.

Turned out that the funeral directors had damaged the bottom of the coffin by bumping it down the stairs when taking DGU from his house (he'd been laid out in his bedroom) - apparently it was a lot heavier than they thought.

They'd heard cracking noises during the church service and realised, rightly, that he was about to fall out of the bottom, so saw their opportunity and ran!

Latika that's brilliant. I might have an x marked on my coffin for the little pirateers.

My dad insisted on always look on the bright side of life. He was terminally ill so discussed it all with me. He said he knew my mother would moan but that's what he wanted and I was to make sure that's what he got. He did, much to mums chagrin and everyone else's amusement.

Dh's elderly great aunts sat through a total strangers funeral when they buried his nan. They had the times mixed up. Neither dared leave so they sat through the lot and offered condolences to the family at the end. They then about turned back into the crem for nans funeral. The family must have thought them serial mourners.

my friends mom chose always look on the bright side of life for her funeral made us laugh! and then the arguments started (i hate that part of funerals)

My Granny's funeral was a barrel of lunacy all the way through but would out me easily. One of the less identifiable things was the preacher announcing at the graveside that we would all now sing a particular hymn. He was about 100 and was blissfully unaware that only about 4 of the mourners knew anything but the first verse. We mostly stood there humming and giggling.

And I'd already got stern looks for giggling when my pompous cousin teetered on the edge of a flooded grave.

At my great uncles funeral, my granny, his sister in law, got into the front if the herse to travel with him from the funeral home to the church the evening before the burial. My little cousin, who was 4 at the time, sees her getting in and pipes up with "oh is granny going to heaven with uncle x?".

Oh....another one.
January funeral, very heavy snow. Outside the church hadn't been shovelled/salted.
Everyone stood out side church very sombre and shivering.
Middle Pall bearer slips on ice and knocks the one behind him. Cue stifled giggles.
Thankfully no one was hurt.

I attended a funeral when i was 20 weeks pregnant. I wore a black maternity skirt I had from my last pregnancy but hadn't really grown into. Halfway through the wake I looked down thinking 'what is that black material on the floor?' .

At my nana's funeral my son aged 3 who had a pirate obsession kept pointing at the coffin and shouting 'what's in the treasure chest, open it'. Even my grandad who was devestated by the loss of his wife was on the edge of losing his composure. The priest actually turned his back and walked away for a few mins I'm sure it was to avoid us seeing him giggle!!

We underestimated how many people would come to my dad's funeral so the cemetery chapel was full with lots of people standing. Because of this the family row wasn't big enough to accommodate us all but as there was nowhere else to go we kept on squeezing in not wanting to make a scene. I had 1 butt cheek on DH's lap and the other squashed against my petite aunty who looked lost between my fat arse and my tubby uncle the other side. We all looked at each other and could feel the giggles start knowing we must have looked ridiculous.

Then just as we'd calmed down the humanist bloke doing the service tripped over his microphone lead.

The service ended with my dad's theme tune 'don't worry, be happy' played on an old cassette player that had gaps in the sound.

Instead of crying with grief, my and my aunty spent the whole thing with our heads together trying to desperately stifle our giggles.

My dad would've loved it.

That's brilliant Raven!!

My sister managed to scatter me with my mum's ashes by not checking wind direction before releasing - that caused a lot of hysteria! I felt really awful at the pub we went to afterwards when I realised some of the ashes were still on me and ended up on the toilet floor. I had to give mum a quick apology on account of her not requesting to be left in that particular spot!

at my grandfathers funeral, my ddad was a pallbearer. He isn't a slow walker at the best of times, and he certainly wasn't that day! He was at the rear, with my brother and my dh and my cousins husband were at the front, they all started of fine but as they moved further up the aisle, my dad was walking at such a pace that the coffin started to turn in the aisle-my cousins husband had to keep apologising as it was banging off people for the last few metres. dh told me afterwards that he thought he might drop his side, as they were trying to keep it on the poles they were using to carry it.

At my great uncles funeral the hearse had to slam on the brakes en-route.
The mourners car crashed into the back of the hearse,basically writing it off. While the funeral directors were sending a replacement car my DGF felt the call of nature and went to find a bush/ private place to have a wee.
In the meantime the replacement car arrived leaving him stranded on a country road in the middle of nowhere ( before mobile phones were commonplace)

As I fastened my seatbelt in th mourners car at FILs funeral I got some looks. "It's not going fast" said Dh. I explained this story resulting in us laughing all the way to the crem