Really inappropriate funeral thread

Ex-Dp overtaking the hearse at 90 miles ph as he wanted to "get there first"

I was in car with current DP. Did he think he had to reserve a seat?

My gran died a few years ago, and being a very devout Catholic family we held a Rosary for her the evening before her body was taken to the church.

My wee granny was at the Rosary, deaf as a door nail, but praying loudly, and very very out of time.

We had all finished the Hail Mary to hear this broad Irish accent "OF OUR DEATH AMEN" every single time, and there are a LOT of Hail Marys in a decade of the Rosary. I had to dig my nails into the palm of my hand to stop myself giggling. Walked outside after and my Mum, who's mother had died, burst out laughing!

At the graveside we all were to throw a handful of earth on top of the coffin. My DD was about 2 at the time and took to the task with MUCH gusto, two handfuls of dirt, chucked in full force and I had to grab her before she went in with it! I could hear muffled giggles from the assembled family!!

It poured so heavily on the day we buried her you could hardly hear the priest in the cemetery, I had a wee smile at that as my wee gran always did say that at a funeral it only rains on the good!

I have no memory of this but apparently my parents were left with a red face after my cousin died when I was little. He was 21, died of a drug overdose and I tried to cheer my uncle (his dad) up by making him a card that said "enjoy your funeral". I managed to get it past my mum without her noticing and she was mortified, though apparently my uncle was very nice about it

Dg? Should be dh.

My dg went to his gm funeral last year in Melbourne, and it was all a light hearted affair.
when at the funeral chapel, everyone had a chance to say goodbye to gm. As dh went up, he kicked/tripped up in a bucket of flowers that was placed next to the coffin. Everyone ended up sniggering about it, as everyone in his family are clumsy including gm.

At my Granny's funeral, just at the graveside. One of my Granddad's cousins came over to sympathise with my Mam. "God, you got very like Aunt Eily. (Mam's Grandma) You weren't like her when you were young, but you got very like her since you got fleshy!". Honest to God, we didn't know where to look.

When my dad's coffin was put into the hearse after the funeral my then four year old nephew proclaimed proudly to the assembled mourners, "my Grandad's in that box!".

I went to a ceremony a few weeks after the persons funeral where ashes were scattered. The urn was dropped part way through scattering and went bouncing down the carpark of the chapel of rest with a trail of ashes floating in the air...

Not as good as some of these but: a couple of years ago a friend of mine died and I (having trained as a BHA officiant) did her funeral. Her friends and family wanted a particular piece of music, which is the theme to a well-known programme (not saying what in case it outs us) but the actual piece of music is only available on crematorium music collections as the whole track, which is mostly quite boring - the bit that everyone knows is the middle eight.
So a friend who was some sort of sound engineer knocked up an MP3 of both the announcer's voice and the programme theme, but the crem staff got arsey about loading it into their special music system. They agreed to provide us with a CD player on which we could play the special MP3.

So, on the day, CD player was there - but no one brought the CD. As officiant it was down to me to deal with it, so I just got to that part of the funeral (the coffin going through the curtains) and told the mourners briefly what had happened, and that they should imagine the song in their heads as they all knew it.
And I could almost hear my deceased friend in my head, hooting with laughter and going, honestly, can't you get anything right?

Many years ago, in the seaside town of Hoylake, an elderly 'gentleman' died. Probably belonging to a former fishing family, his request was that his ashes were to be scattered from the Hoylake lifeboat.

Those of us that knew the vicar found it highly amusing - his main contact with the sea was drinking pink gin, and the death occurred around mid-March. The equinox, gale force winds in the Irish sea.

Just hope he managed to throw the ashes in the right direction, and didn't get a face full if the wind changed - not to mention the problem of sea-sickness.

Ashes in the wind are indeed a terrible hazard.

My grandmother had wanted her ashes to be scattered under a tree in her local churchyard, but the vicar refused permission.

Undeterred, my DF, cousin and uncle went to the churchyard after dark and proceeded to scatter away. At that point, the wind started blowing really strongly taking the ashes with it, prompting uncle to shout "Don't open your mouths, lads!"

When a light went on in the vicarage window and they scarpered

Thumbwhich apparently that's what all the mourners thought too as the decased had had a very good sense of humour and they all thought it was the perfect ending for him.

Oh hurrah! glad it's still there.

Sorry will stop shark-jacking the thread now!

My late MIL was talking about a funeral of some distant relative she had been to. DS2,then 3, piped up
"Grandma, when will you die?"

Thumbwitch - completely off topic, but the shark was still there when I went through Headington about two months ago.

After my dad died , we had to register his death , now bearing in mind his last wife (4th) left him for another man , whilst my dad was in the early stages of dementia, for the records she had to be named on the cert as wife .(they are still legally married ) the registrar asked what was her occupation? i asked was money grabbing whore an option , she did laugh , oohh that reminds me , I must inform her one day lol

We took our then 18mo ds to grans funeral. He was beautifully behaved...

Sang along "aaa-oooooo aaaa" very loudly with everyone during the hymns and at the end, when the coffin was slowly transported through the velvet curtains he waved madly and shouted "bye bye! Bye bye Dear!" And blew kisses.

It was very touching.

I think it's gone now, hasn't it? It was great fun but I remember there was some shit with the council and the man was supposed to take it down; there was a petition to keep it but I can't remember what the outcome was.

Yes it was headingdon - it was such a surreal situation.

I've lived 20 miles away for the last 30 odd years and was still completely unaware it was a local landmark

For my Dad ( having been married 4 times! ) I wanted lipstick on your collar , or wild thing but my brother thought it was a little too harsh.
At an old aunts funeral , it was really raining , and had been for a few days, everywhere was like a bog, after standing at the grave side for over 30mins we were all well and truly stuck in the mud, after us all helping each other out , the vicar was walking around shaking hands with the family , when we noted he had stepped out of his shoes and was slipping around quite nicely in just his socks bless.

My best ones would out me completely, but..

My gran was a famously fussy eater and there was loads she didn't eat - we often joked that if given meat and two vegetables she'd eat the meat, have a bit of one of the vegetables, say that the other didn't agree with her and get some chips instead.

My vegetarian aunt and I were down to do the readings, and we had a quick glance at them at the back of church to prepare a bit. Mine was more or less what I expected; my aunt looked up the reference and looked puzzled, then collapsed into giggles.

The reading she was actually supposed to do was a later bit of Romans, but there had been a misprint in the order of service to read "One man's faith allows him to eat everything, but another man, whose faith is weak, eats only vegetables..."

She did an amazing job of keeping her face straight while reading the right bit ('accept one another, as God accepted you..'), though DH wondered why my shoulders were shaking that much.

I love the Bob the Builder interlude!

Funeral of a work colleague on a very hot day. The tiny church was packed as he wasn't very old and the whole factory had pitched up. Widow collapses (heat & stress) and has to be taken to hospital by ambulance. The service carried on without her only for two more people to collapse and need ambulances. On the third 999 call the operator apparently asked whether we also needed the police or fire brigade as we were clearly having a bad day!!!

Oh that's too funny, AdoraBell !

Friend of DH's, long before I knew him, had requested a Queen song to played at his funeral. A few weeks later he died and someone dutifully gave the church the correct CD but no one realized that the next song was Another One Bites the Dust. Yep, it got played as the coffin was carried out of the church after the service.

whojamaflip - would that have been in Headington by any chance?