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Original poster

Cringeworthyness of ex partners....

345 replies

Only1scoop · 28/07/2014 19:03

Had a few chuckles today ....met girls for lunch....been friends years and remember many of each others exes....

One friend recalled an ex who always used to ask for his pasta to be served 'El dente' even in fine Italian restaurants....he was no foodie and she used to 'cringe in her seat'

One of my exes used to ask for 'lattice fries' ....the L at start of word used to be drawn out....I used to twitch....I hated it so much.... he would ask this in any pub....restaurant.

Another ex of mine used to say he was going for a 'wee wee' and called his stomach his 'tummy'

He didn't last long really....

Just fun.... anyone got any others sayings that spring to mind on the 'cringeworthy meter'

Ex is an ex for a reason

Lllllatice fries anyone Wink

OP posts:
FickleUsernameChooser · 29/07/2014 17:06

Ooo and there was the one that was never a BF. Caught a local snake and presented it in a fish bowl to a rather confused me. Phoned his dear old mum and told her that he had met a girl and was going to bring her back to the old country.

I have never run so fast in my life. Last thing I heard was the wail of "But mamma has been saving for our house!"

FickleUsernameChooser · 29/07/2014 17:02

A month in he got a custom engraved dogtag (from Pets at Home) saying "Property of FickleUsernameChooser" and took to wearing it 24/7 until I told him to stop being so f'ing ridiculous. He was mid 20s.

alteregonumber1 · 29/07/2014 16:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Monopolice · 29/07/2014 16:34

OneLittleLady did he sing it ala Stevie Wonder stylie?

TheCunkOfPhilomena · 29/07/2014 16:31

Oh god, I was a clothes folder Blush

Wonder why I'm single...

OneLittleLady · 29/07/2014 16:22

One ex, when very drunk, called me and I didn't answer so he left me a voice mail message of him saying/singing 'I just called to say I love you' I definitely cringed

JennyOnTheBlocks · 29/07/2014 16:16

I've had a clothes-folder, an asker and a thanker afterwardser.

It was the same bloke and he turned out to be a complete wanker who used to pick up his DC and leave them with me when an emergency came up. That emergency being him fucking their mother.
Or his SiL.

FruitOwl · 29/07/2014 15:58

A particular highlight was a boyfriend I had when I was about 18. I'd just been away working in Greece and had been living in a tent on the beach for that whole time, so was mighty sick of the sight of canvas at the end of it. When I got back, he took me for a surprise weekend away...camping. I should have shoved a tent pole up his arse.

Favouriteblanky · 29/07/2014 15:56

These are too hilarious, can't breathe for laughing at the Poundstretcher Pooer! WTAF??

Smilesandpiles · 29/07/2014 15:54

We were at a quiz night and one of the questions was something about the song Chocolate balls or something from South Park.

He then decided to yell badly sing the entire song, "Kyle's mum is a big fat bitch". He was in his 40's. I can still see the looks on our mates faces, a mixture of awkwardness, disbelief and sympathy for me. I could hardly believe it was happening myself. A proper, "please god, open up the groud and let it swallow me whole" moment.

I never went anywhere with him since.

AlleyCat11 · 29/07/2014 15:29

Pinky & Perky. Too funny!
A bloke once called my boobs "the twins".
He still lives at home with Mum & Dad...

sunflower49 · 29/07/2014 15:23

It is!
But don't think anything will meet poundstretcherpoo guy.

JaneFonda · 29/07/2014 15:16

This thread is fantastic. :o

TheWildRumpyPumpus · 29/07/2014 15:11

Alter wins the internet with that one I think!

SalemsCity · 29/07/2014 15:09

When you said about the budgie it reminded me of the guy who was scared of my yorkshire terrier. Like properly shit himself frightened (not literally shit himself though! )

also the guy who said 'I love you' after one date.

and I had a couple of silent bed partners. I mean don't get me wrong I'm no screamer but these were literally completely silent.

Shia · 29/07/2014 15:04

Alter, you are worried about outing yourself. Just how many people do you think have pooed themselves in a Poundstretchers? Grin

I wonder if the cleaner gave in their notice?

gottachangethename1 · 29/07/2014 15:02

I loved 'hairpiece Harry' the best. Great thread.

greyhoundgymnastics · 29/07/2014 14:59

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Shia · 29/07/2014 14:58

I was already laughing at the budgie reference then along came the poo in Pound Stretcher and I laughed so loudly my puppy woke up and was scared!

alteregonumber1 · 29/07/2014 14:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sunflower49 · 29/07/2014 14:30

Alter definitely wins,and MUST elaborate! He did WHAT?!?Why?!How?!

Original poster
Only1scoop · 29/07/2014 14:30

Blimey alter please tell us he's behind bars Shock

OP posts:
CeliaFate · 29/07/2014 14:13

My first boyfriend used to dry hump me, but lift his bum up so high it was like someone was pulling him up by his waistband, then he'd grind into me like he was a dog on heat. Sexy.

DrankSangriaInThePark · 29/07/2014 14:02

OK, alter wins. Shock

Tell us alter, what was it that made you end the relationship...because I'm struggling here to see what's not to like......Grin

Floop · 29/07/2014 13:52

alter... he took a shit.... in a Poundstretcher? WHAT?! Shock

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