Cringeworthyness of ex partners....

He also used to eat 36 McNuggets every Friday night.

A had his own mini straighteners at home especially for that purpose.

Amazingly, I went out with him for a good couple of months!

EatShit and TooOld - I went out with a short A who did the same thing!!!

Did his surname begin with D? Although he fancied himself as a player and so used to use different surnames for different women apparently.

'Excuse the pants, they're my dad's'

Way to go, stud muffin ex of about 20yrs ago

So many exes....

One dimwit said after a large meal "I'm famished"....

Another had a mesh thong to wear with his what can only be described as Rupert the bear trousers (90s) - wouldn't have been so bad but he exceeded 15/16 stone....

Another used to say 'pweeeease' for sex. The same dude nigh on stalked me when I was on a really intense work course and threw the Robbie Williams CD I gave him in my front garden to show 'that he'd been watching me'...

Another used to proclaim that he was the best at oral sex. He wasn't. I faked it. Every time.

I once went on a date with a man who was wearing double denim. If that wasn't bad enough he had handcrafted the jacket with a denim Union Jack on the back a la Robbie Williams in one of his videos. He bought special glue from the internet and everything. I bloody hated Robbie Williams and he had his CD player set to play it every morning to wake us up....

Just remembered another...

One summer we were at the villa, between BALENTHIYA and ALLYHANTAY. We'd taken a few friends along.

Anyway, pseudospain, as we'll call him from now on, also used to think his work was terribly important - and that life-changing 'DEALS' were always just around the corner.

He spent many hours pacing around the pool whilst the rest of us sunbathed, loudly dictating emails to his secretary - he even dictated the punctuation

'Yah. So, semicolon, blah blah blah, colon, blah blah blah. Deals deals. Hyphen, blah blah blah.'

It was mortifying.

'

Not my ex, maybe not even an ex at all, but I once new a couple and whenever tired at the end of a night out or perhaps randy she would put on a baby voice and say ""your wee girl wants her bed".

Mr Lulu says he went to bed with a woman who he had a great time with and after he'd come, he said- being polite and wanting to create a good impression- ' Have you got any tissues or anything so I don't make a mess?'

She replied 'No, just use your tshirt to wipe yourself.'

He says it was the moment he decided he wanted to marry me.

I feel I ought to say in my defence that it was unexpected and that's why there were no tissues and he often uses his t- shirt or shirt anyway.

Same pseudo Spaniard ex also had a game he used to instigate on waking up (and funnily enough, he'd always win)...

Whoever could slap the other across the face with their cock/boobs first, won.

Suffice to say I never won. I never tried.

One who used to say to me during sex ' That's so good. You're such a good girl. You're my good girl'. I felt sick. I told him to stop and he didn't so I stopped seeing him. It just made me really uncomfortable.

I'm loving this...

Ex's family had a place in Spain. Somewhere between Valencia and Alicante...

Whenever he'd be describing where it was (as he did, often), he'd insist on pronouncing Valencia and Alicante in a horrid, thick, Spanish accent.

Thing is, he was a massive yuppy, very well spoken. He sounded ridiculous. CRINGE.

Errrr, yah, well mother and fathers villa, yah, it's half way between BALENTHHIYAH, and ALLYHANTAY.

Blurgh. Massive cringe

I tried to post this yesterday, but being a bit scared got the better of me... I had a delightful ex who used to stick his semi-hardon in my ear to get things-a-groovin' Funnily enough, it didn't really work for me. He had two personas - one was his sensible side, and the other, which would "pop" out occasionally - 'twas a little odd. His other persona was some kind of drugged up disaster zone (whether drugs were involved or not) - it was like he had to disappear from the real world occasionally.
Unfortunately, I was in the real world at all times!

Naughty little princess is quite sweet, it's like he wants to talk dirty to you but keep it respectful :)

My ex from when I was in my late teens (he was in his twenties) told me that he'd once wanked so many times over a 24 hour period that he gave himself a friction burn. His mum noticed him waddling around like a cowboy and made him go to the doctor.

This was the same bloke who liked to keep a (not too fresh) towel handy to wipe the sweat off his face during sex. He would then use it to wipe his cock off afterwards. I'm not at all convinced that he laundered the towel between uses

Oh gosh, that sounds like I married a Ken doll!! I mean hair free, not totally smooth

First date (ok, post ONS so not the first shag ) sat next to the bloke in a bar, started snogging and things got a bit steamy. He grabs my hand and sticks it down the front if his pants where I encounter a perfectly smooth public region...

He was so proud of the fact that he'd shaved for me, bless him. He did it a number of times despite my never requesting it and it causing him to itch like he had crabs while it grew back.

Reader, I married him. Proud to say he has been bic free for some time now

Appleby..'thats the ticket'?? What the hell?

Cringeworthy ex # 1 also a fellow clothes folder, used to call to tell me he needed to 'unload his sack'. < boak >
Also rang me to forewarn of a fancy date, requiring fancy clothes - turned out to be Sainsburys cafe

Cringeworthy ex # 2 wore shiny Teflon trousers to the pub. They actually reflected light, and I should imagine blinded the occasional person.

In my defense - I was late teens and stupid

The ex who had his own theme tune, upthread, sounds brilliant.

I had an ex (who was actually very good in bed apart from this) who just couldn't keep quiet. I don't mean moans and groans (I quite like them) he used to sort of...narrate. "Right let's get the protection on, there we go, now...where are you..are you ready yet? Good, I've been waiting all day to do this with you, I can't stop thinking about you, you're so sexy...there we go, that's the ticket!" Shut UP for crying out loud! As I said though apart from that he was very good. He didn't even mind too much when I fell asleep on him...

And since we're doing DHs, mine used to have a habit of calling me things like "naughty little princess" he stopped when I laughed out loud at him!

Ok, you can start by pm'ing me Frog

Am racking my brains and can't think of any so sadly can only conclude I was that cringeworthy partner.

However, I will pass on what a friend of mine once overheard at a fireworks display; during a particularly good bit there was the usual huge chorus of "oohs" and "aahs" during which a bloke standing next to my friend turned to his girlfriend and said "that was good but [adopts deep, "seductive" voice] not as explosive as making love to you, my darling". Ewwww!

when having sex with one ex he was like a jack rabbit (like Carrie in SATC)

I would try and slow him down but it did not work

he also used a likkle baby voice obviously he had to go