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Original poster

Cringeworthyness of ex partners....

345 replies

Only1scoop · 28/07/2014 19:03

Had a few chuckles today ....met girls for lunch....been friends years and remember many of each others exes....

One friend recalled an ex who always used to ask for his pasta to be served 'El dente' even in fine Italian restaurants....he was no foodie and she used to 'cringe in her seat'

One of my exes used to ask for 'lattice fries' ....the L at start of word used to be drawn out....I used to twitch....I hated it so much.... he would ask this in any pub....restaurant.

Another ex of mine used to say he was going for a 'wee wee' and called his stomach his 'tummy'

He didn't last long really....

Just fun.... anyone got any others sayings that spring to mind on the 'cringeworthy meter'

Ex is an ex for a reason

Lllllatice fries anyone

OP posts:

Partridge · 01/08/2014 07:53

Yes, he was definitely a surgeon. Now I know his real name I can find him on the gmc register.

PittTheYounger · 01/08/2014 07:06

Lol. Amazing!

DuchessofKirkcaldy · 01/08/2014 00:42

I had an ex who I never saw naked. He would pull his penis out of the hole in the front of his boxer shorts for sex then tuck it back in again.
I wondered if there was something wrong down there but he said no, he just liked it like that.
Sexy!

rollonthesummer · 31/07/2014 23:25

Was he really a surgeon?!

PittTheYounger · 31/07/2014 22:18

I think we need a separate thread ' Lies you have fallen for that you now think WTF was I thinking'

Shakey1500 · 31/07/2014 22:10

Great thread.

Ex of mine, total weirdo. I'd gone abroad with work for a pretty intense (work wise) week. He "missed me" and flew over. The relationship was on it's last legs at this point and I was relieved to be away from him and be with like-minded folk having a blast.

He found me in a local bar with colleagues, started a MASSIVE row. Cue colleagues all looking like this He got thrown out of the bar. When we returned to the hotel there was a trail of literally hundreds of post-it notes with all manner of weird shit written on them leading up to my room and he was comatose outside (he didn't have a key).

I ended up staying in my Area Manager's room and had to sneak out of the hotel in the morning.

thenightsky · 31/07/2014 21:54

ah... not my DL then. He was allegedly 'special forces'

Galvanized · 31/07/2014 21:22

Ohh I see, you poor thing partridge - good to look back and laugh though!

Partridge · 31/07/2014 21:17

Oh god Pitt, you are going to bust him, aren't you? He was right . This was over 15 years ago though, and he hasn't relapsed since...

MorphineDreams · 31/07/2014 21:17

My exes nickname was 'Reddy'. He used to say things like 'Reddy Steady Go' and before sex would say 'are YOU REDDYYY' with a horrible wink.

Ew.

Partridge · 31/07/2014 21:15

And of course it wasn't vital that he had a pseudonym. I am demonstrating the cringeworthyness of the ex. He was a tortured soul.

PittTheYounger · 31/07/2014 21:15

so he was undercover in rehab? Hoping the GMc wouldnt find out?
WOW.

Partridge · 31/07/2014 21:13

Ok, this will totally out me. He was a surgeon who I met in rehab - he was a heroin addict (actually probably not at all unusual). He was incredibly grandiose and convinced he would be struck off if discovered (god knows how he ever would have been). Because of his nationality, the chosen name was laughable.

You see, he duped me so much with his grandiosity that I still get a tingle of fear that I will ruin his career mentioning this even though nobody could possibly identify him.

I can also laugh at how stupidly naive I was.

PittTheYounger · 31/07/2014 20:57

i want the WHOLE partridge story in one post. I just don't get it

ihatethecold · 31/07/2014 20:56

I'm loving that poem.

DrankSangriaInThePark · 31/07/2014 20:56

Was Mr Pseudo around when Spooks was in its heyday by any chance Partridge?

Bet he worked down the Asda really but wanted to sex it up for you.

Surely if it had been something Seriously Secret you'd have had to have been positively vetted yourself?

PittTheYounger · 31/07/2014 20:48

even Special forces people tell you their names fgs

PittTheYounger · 31/07/2014 20:47

but was it vital to be anon?

apermanentheadache · 31/07/2014 20:44

Prison officer, not prisoner, sorry - it's been a long day.

apermanentheadache · 31/07/2014 20:43

Wow, what career was he in?! I can't think of any unless it was a doctor-patient relationship or he was a prisoner and you were inside (or vice-versa !

bialystockandbloom · 31/07/2014 20:43

I was seeing a bloke once who actually squeezed one of my tits and said "honk honk" in a nasally carhorn type voice.

duchessofk Where to start with that one?!

Galvanized · 31/07/2014 20:39

What career would need a pseudonym for 2 years with a partner though?

thenightsky · 31/07/2014 20:29

partridge His real initials weren't DL were they?

Partridge · 31/07/2014 18:57

Yeah, pretty much. He introduced himself in the context of something that could be ruinous to his career as "Jeff goldfinger". In 2 years he made me so inhibited about how dangerous the situation was and his privacy that I didn't sneak a single look at a bank card etc. crazy.

Holidayfun · 31/07/2014 18:54

Soursweets, that poem is the funniest thing I have ever read. Can't stop laughing, thank you.

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