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Original poster

Cringeworthyness of ex partners....

345 replies

Only1scoop · 28/07/2014 19:03

Had a few chuckles today ....met girls for lunch....been friends years and remember many of each others exes....

One friend recalled an ex who always used to ask for his pasta to be served 'El dente' even in fine Italian restaurants....he was no foodie and she used to 'cringe in her seat'

One of my exes used to ask for 'lattice fries' ....the L at start of word used to be drawn out....I used to twitch....I hated it so much.... he would ask this in any pub....restaurant.

Another ex of mine used to say he was going for a 'wee wee' and called his stomach his 'tummy'

He didn't last long really....

Just fun.... anyone got any others sayings that spring to mind on the 'cringeworthy meter'

Ex is an ex for a reason

Lllllatice fries anyone Wink

OP posts:
Original poster
Only1scoop · 28/07/2014 22:57

Nooooo....I'm going to google it....is it something 'they' do whilst abluting Confused

OP posts:
EBearhug · 28/07/2014 22:56

This thread has made me realise that I've mostly been out with pretty normal, nice blokes.

Which makes me wonder if I'm the weird one they all cringed about...

TooOldForGlitter · 28/07/2014 22:55

Eat I once walked in on an ex doing that EXACT thing with my straighteners Shock

WeevilKnievel · 28/07/2014 22:49

Yes, it was horrific and very 'thought out' Confused

Original poster
Only1scoop · 28/07/2014 22:44

Weevil....that is hilarious....Grin

Snow washed denim head to toe Confused

OP posts:
WeevilKnievel · 28/07/2014 22:42

Loving these.

I had a second date planned to go to the park. An hour before, he phones me to ask what I'm planning to wear on the date, a bit amazed I reply, jeans?!
When he arrived to pick me up a bit later he was wearing head to toe snow-washed denim with multiple rips in the ( v tight) jeans, crystal studded jacket and matching baseball cap.
I was too polite to decline the date but walked round Hyde park with my head down.

  • There were no more dates...
EatShitDerek · 28/07/2014 22:31

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Only1scoop · 28/07/2014 22:30

Prima....better book us a group session Grin

OP posts:
Original poster
Only1scoop · 28/07/2014 22:27

Sun....in the end it literally used to make my skin crawl....it was the pathetic voice he used....

Nearly as bad as lattice fry man ....

OP posts:
Primadonnagirl · 28/07/2014 22:26

Sadly no I am not joking!!!I think I need to get me some therapy now....!

sunflower49 · 28/07/2014 22:25

Hearing grown men saying 'Tummy'. There is something very, fundamentally wrong with that isn't there.

sunflower49 · 28/07/2014 22:24

Grin Grin prima ! I was joking! Unfortunately I am supposing that you are not!

Original poster
Only1scoop · 28/07/2014 22:23

Eat ....no....no stop it

OP posts:
EatShitDerek · 28/07/2014 22:22

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Primadonnagirl · 28/07/2014 22:22

He did invite me to shake hands with Percy !! and tell me Percy was really, really shy..... < punches self on face>

Shia · 28/07/2014 22:19

He lived in Southend on sea! The other side of the car park of TOTs!

Floop · 28/07/2014 22:14

Sorry, wrong video!

www.facebook.com/video/video.php?v=10150153625608783

Original poster
Only1scoop · 28/07/2014 22:13

Yes the dying fly.... I remember that....Confused

OP posts:
Floop · 28/07/2014 22:13

Yep!

Dying fly video for those of us that are old enough!

Original poster
Only1scoop · 28/07/2014 22:12
Confused

I'm going to run out of cringe icons after reading all of these....

I've been chuckling all night Grin with plenty of ShockConfusedBlush thrown in....

OP posts:
Floop · 28/07/2014 22:12

Shia - the dying fly is a Tiswas reference, isn't it?

TheCunkOfPhilomena · 28/07/2014 22:11

These are fantastic!

My cringiest moment was on a first date, it was set up by mutual friends. He asked if I'd like to go to dinner in a restaurant that was quite a way away. I thought (in my naivety) that it must be a classy place to bother to travel so far.

Anyway, so we arrived and ordered our drinks etc, it was a type of carvery place, not fancy at all. I didn't really fancy him but was open to having a friendly night.

He then proceeded to tell me all about his previous relationship, including intimate details about their sex life.

Then he went on to point out the spots in the garden where he had had sex with his ex gf. I was just too stunned to reply really.

Thing is, the way he spoke about it was like he was trying to impress me with his sexual prowess.

Vitalstatistix · 28/07/2014 22:03

The worst one i have is not even mine, it's my mum's.
She tells the story of going to his house and him excusing himself, only to reappear stark naked with a long hairpiece tied with something round his waist, parted in the middle by his penis.
He then proceeded to dance about in front of her

She refers to him as ' hairpiece harry'

yet another thing i could happily have never known about. Cheers mum.

(apparently he's a solicitor now)

Shia · 28/07/2014 21:56

Another one from the past. The long time boyfriend used to do a dance called 'dead flies' before I met him.

He re enacted it on a night out. Massive cringe.

Basically you lie on your back and wiggle your arms and legs like a dead fly!

Snatchoo · 28/07/2014 21:53

DSS and DH keep asking me why I am laughing! Grin

Most are too rude to read out, but I did read JudysPriest one with the claw-handed ball-sniffer. Just to let DSS know it is disgusting and he'll never get a girlfriend if he does it! Grin

My contribution is the bloke who used to sniff his arse. I mean, he'd scratch so hard, his face all screwed up, like he properly had his finger up there. Then he'd sniff it.

More than once he left skids on the bedsheet how I ever let that man touch me I don't know! especially as he couldn't get it up the first time we had sex!

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