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Original poster

Oh do I have a new low in wedding poems for you...

620 replies

Weddingpoet · 21/07/2014 09:43

This is so going to out me but I actually don't care. I went to a wedding this weekend. We had to buy our own evening meal and the invitation said "no presents please, cash gifts only". There was a wishing well at the reception to but cash into (ringing the bell as you did ). This morning I received this corker which, obviously, I needed to share with you at once...

Cash we asked for because cash we need
For our kitchen to proceed
Having checked our wishing well
We think some people might not have rung the bell.
If you’re one who has forgotten
Don’t sit at home feeling rotten
Just use the bank details at the end of this ditty
And you can still contribute to our kitchen kitty

OP posts:
TheReluctantCountess · 22/07/2014 18:57

Awful. I would have to say something to them.

FunLovinBunster · 22/07/2014 18:51

These poems are brilliant.

But I'm so ashamed. My DBro and Chavzilla put one of these grabby wishing well poems in his wedding invitation. To say our parents and is were mortified is an understatement. I didn't think he was like that...can only assume it's her gold digger attitude talking.

LineRunner · 22/07/2014 18:49

Wedding Wishing Well Debts R Us.

I could run that little money-spinner from the sex tent* in my spare time.

*OH's idea of privacy. Long story.

QuintessentiallyQS · 22/07/2014 18:48

Be careful when you make the swirl.

QuintessentiallyQS · 22/07/2014 18:47

You need to poo on a cupcake and send it to them.

skyninja · 22/07/2014 18:40

As the proud holder of a degree in English, can I commend everyone on their poems please. Special mention to the limericks and haikus because they are right bastards to get right. 'Right bastards' is a technical term obviously.

Otherwise, on the subject of the OP's experience, I am nearly speechless. They have put such effort in to their fuckwittery.

If you can't afford a big do, don't bloody have one. But don't have one just to get money out of people, which was clearly the aim. "Darling, let's get everyone here, it won't cost us anything as they can pay for their own food and then we'll just mug the bastards as they leave. Then chase them down afterwards."

I wonder if they'll send debt collectors round to the people who didn't cough up?

punygod · 22/07/2014 18:17

I'm sorry to say
Our dog passed away
We need a headstone
In the shape of a bone
Granite is dear
And engraving is too
And Rover always
Really liked you
His tail would wag
When you came in
He didn't bite much
Or shag your shin
So a small donation
Would show you care
In return we'll send you
A lock of dog hair

LineRunner · 22/07/2014 18:07

Actually I reckon you could get away with running a casino at a funeral where I come from.

LineRunner · 22/07/2014 18:06

off ffs

punygod · 22/07/2014 18:05

I mean

Blush
punygod · 22/07/2014 18:05

Oh, Pedant.
blushes

LineRunner · 22/07/2014 18:05

Well that's matches and hatches covered...

Now, what's next?

Sadly we are very broke
And sadly so is Uncle Sonny
He died with a smile on his face
So give us
Your fucking money
Because the funeral bill just wiped the smile of ours

TessOfTheFurbyvilles · 22/07/2014 18:03

Nancy - you are right, they are usually thrown for you, but I was told by another friend that Grabbetta (as she will forever be known to me now!) wants to throw her own so it is "done right."

PomeralLights · 22/07/2014 18:02

OP did you respond? Update please!

Loving all the poems...made me laugh out loud!

LineRunner · 22/07/2014 17:59

Parsing, I think you have found the grail.

PedantMarina · 22/07/2014 17:46

I really should have known better than to read this on the [train] Quiet Zone...

And I'm in love with punygod. There. I said it.

ParsingFlatly · 22/07/2014 17:40

The MNthology of Monetary Poetry

It's a winner.

BoiledPiss · 22/07/2014 17:28

Seems legit

BoiledPiss · 22/07/2014 17:27

Oh ok thanks Wally, where do I sign up...

BalloonSlayer · 22/07/2014 17:24

Thanks Tess Grin

Or instead of the second paragraph, you could just have "I don't think I'll come, darling, it all sounds frightfully vulgar, as we say in England! Love and hugs xx"

NancyinCali · 22/07/2014 17:23

My jaw was already on the floor at the grabby bride and groom. And then I read the baby shower "poem". What is wrong with people!?

I live in the US, my friends threw me a baby shower (as is the custom, hosting your own isn't the done thing as far as I can tell), and I did put together a registry but it had things like dummies and nappies on it. And the things that people got that were off-list were beautiful and thoughtful like hand-knitted hats and cute clothes.

I love all the response poems. Definitely needs to be a book or at the least a website.

LineRunner · 22/07/2014 17:23

Monetary poetry.

punygod · 22/07/2014 17:23

Not sure where that last line came from - but it reinforces the grabbiness Grin

punygod · 22/07/2014 17:22

I've had a few ideas
Running through my head
And often thought a few of them
Could make a decent thread
But threads are so expensive
You need a smartphone or PC
And then there's internet charges
These days nothing comes for free!
I know you'll want to join me
In my happy thread of fun
So any contribution
Would be most welcome!
So make your contribution

MummyBeerest · 22/07/2014 17:19

I can't believe wishing wells and money poems are a thing.

What recession, amirite?